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If Only

Post Published: 01 July 2009
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Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 3 responses. Leave a comment

Dear Thyroid…wherever you are,

For starters, I owe you a major apology.   Before I lost you, I took you for granted. I never appreciated your natural hormones until I no longer had them.   Although, I think you were falling down on the job long before you were fired.   That’s right, I said fired.   I kicked you out without looking back.

How long had you truly been fighting a losing battle?,   Years, I think.   Seems like you could have given me a little heads up.   But, I guess you tried.   Looking back at pictures I don’t know how I missed you bulging out of my neck.   How was I so blind?

Maybe it was years of fearing something like this would happen that kept me from seeing the truth.   All those Lurlene McDaniel books would instill into any middle schooler fear of any disease or accident that brings death at an early age.   My kids will NOT read those books.   Anyway, that’s beside the point…

I,  hate having to depend on two little pills for survival.   Because that’s really how it is…to make it through every day, I have to take synthetic T4 and T3 every morning.   And let me tell you, synthetic is not as good as the real thing.   I don’t have the energy I used to have.   I don’t think as clearly as I used to. You just weren’t reliable anymore.   I kind of hate you for that.   Why couldn’t you have been normal?

You just weren’t strong enough to fight the cancer.  And the thing is I don’t really hate you.   It’s just easier to blame it on you.

Missing you,
Joanna

(Bio) I am a 24 year old daughter, sister, aunt, and friend.   I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in October 2008 and have been a changed person ever since.   My favorite things are relaxing on the beach, being with my family, the color orange, and the Clemson tigers.   You can read more of my story on my blog, The Eye of the Storm.

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3 Responses to “If Only”

  1. Kathy says:

    Hi Joanna!
    It was 20 years ago this coming November, when I got the call that I had cancer..uterine cancer. I was 34 at the time with two small children. I pulled through, and it left me with physical and emotional scars, but also with a gift. Have you noticed that the grass is greener, rain falling on your face is wonderful and there can never be enough daisies. I don’t wear a ribbon and march for uterine cancer, but I do celebrate it every single year. Dec 19th. I came home on Christmas eve, and let me tell you, that was the absolute best Christmas I have ever had. Now, I am fighting a living battle with my thyroid. It’s not working and I am pissed. I hate whining about not feeling well, and being so tired, but the fight goes on. The grass is still greener, I still love the drenching downpours and there are still not enough daisies.
    Wishing a long future for you and the hope that you have. You are an example for us all.

  2. Joanna says:

    Thank you, Kathy. I truly appreciate the encouragement.

    And you’re not whining. You’re dealing with a war that’s going on inside your body. Facing reality. Keep fighting!

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