Thy’ve Arrived? Oh, No. No Way. No How. NO!
We’ve been together for nearly twenty-three years now, yet I feel as though we have only really gotten to know each other over the past few months. , Before we got acquainted, I was a happy, energetic, athletic girl. There was never a dull moment in my life, never a time where I couldn’t ‘see the bright side of things… But thanks to you, my life has forever changed. You REALLY had me thinking I had gone insane when I just couldn’t get out of bed in the morning anymore. , There was no such thing as ‘enough sleep’. I couldn’t smile. I couldn’t feel. Indifference had taken over and my ‘old self’ was nowhere to be found. Before I knew it, I was twenty pounds heavier, my favorite word was “whatever”, and I completely didn’t care about the present or the future. Everyone in my life was worried about me, and I felt like I could not bear to go on feeling … nothing.
Desperate, I went to see my family doctor for help. ‘Major depression’ was the diagnosis I was given, along with a bottle of Effexor, and a list of therapists in my area. I was also sent for a few blood tests, just in case something else was causing me to be such a downer. My favorite past time was complaining. I was SO good at it. My boyfriend called me ‘Miss Miserable’. I finally had an explanation for my friends and family! “It’s not that I don’t like you and that I don’t want to spend time with you, it’s just that I am in a major depression and need to take care of my mental health right now. , And, also, I don’t need your help through these ‘difficult times’ because my doctor gave me some good drugs and I am doing enough talking in therapy. I’ll call you when I’m better, thanks!” So what if people thought I was weird, I did not care. For the first time in months I had a valid excuse for blowing everyone off in my life.
Just when I had gotten comfortable with my new diagnosis of depression, a second set of blood tests revealed elevated TPO antibodies, indicating an autoimmune disease. One endocrinologist appointment later and I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, symptomatic subclinical hypothyroidism, and a goiter that definitely needed further examination (by ultrasound). Well, that explained fifteen years of hives, a lifetime of always being the first one to catch a cold, my major weight gain, and best of all, I wasn’t crazy. I just had you, my darling, to blame all of my old and new problems on.
My TSH level keeps going up and down, up and down, my T4 has yet to react, and my TPO antibodies remain sky high. Right now my TSH is within normal limits, my antidepressants have kicked in, five of the twenty pounds have disappeared, and I feel good again, except for the fatigue. No one seems to understand it, except for my wonderful boyfriend. , People think I’ve become boring, lazy, unmotivated to have fun. They don’t understand that all my energy is taken up by the tasks I ‘need’ to do, and that many of the things I ‘want’ to do are on hold, until I find the energy to do them. , I am happy, I am not my old self, but I am similar.
So, my oversized fiend thank you for this adventure I will be on for the rest of my life. ,
Thank you for the crash course in physiology. Thank you for growing to a size all of my friends could see. At least now they have to believe it’s nothing personal. My thyroid’s just acting up.
(Bio) “Anne Liang is a 22 year old Eurasian Montrealer. She has been a registered nurse working in cardiology for two years. She was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s six months ago, although she’s been dealing with many of its symptoms for years. Next week, she is getting an ultrasound of her goiter. You can follow Anne on Twitter…