Krappa Krappa Glanda
When I went to college, I didn’t join a sorority. Even if they’d had them at Georgetown, a sorority didn’t really sound like my thing. All that giggling and doing each other’s nails and such didn’t appeal to me. But thanks to you, I’ve ended up in a whole new sort of sorority — not by choice — mind you, but by necessity. Yes, you, dear thyroid, are the one who apparently pledged me against my will to the Thyroidority…
Now, I am forever bound to my fellow thyroid patients by a hazing initiation ritual we all have shared — known as the “Haywire Thyroid.”
We haven’t come up with an official name for the Thyroidority yet — Krappa Krappa Glanda perhaps? But it doesn’t really matter what our Thyroidority’s named… those of us who belong know all the ins and outs of this sacred bond.
First of all, the only thing we get to drink during Thyroidority Pledge Week will probably be some radioactive iodine. And if we’ve already had our fill of RAI, then we’ll check out the punchbowl — I believe we’ll be spiking it with Slimfast this week.
Second, the Thyroidority is not snobbish or exclusive, in fact, we are quite inclusive. You can be young or old, tall or short, thin or fat. You can even be a guy — though not as many of them manage to find their way into the Thyroidority, they are still welcome.
Third, the Thyroidority does have the whole legacy thing going, like other sororities and fraternities. That means, if your mom, or your sister, grandma or other relative was in the Thyroidority, it’s very possible that you will be too. You won’t have a choice about it, of course, but hey, welcome to all you legacy members anyway!
Fourth, we have a secret handshake. Actually, we have two secret handshakes. If we’re from the Graves’ disease and hyperthyroid chapter of the Thyroidority, our hands just shake all on their own. And if we’re in the Hashimoto’s/hypothyroid chapter, we always know another member of the Thyroidority not by the actual handshake itself, but by the near sub-zero temperatures of our hands!
Fifth, we have not yet adopted an official Thyroidority song, but we are looking for nominations. Perhaps my fellow Thyroidority sisters (and brothers) can make suggestions here in the comments section. My personal fave is the White Stripes’ “Girl, You Have No Faith In Medicine”. But I’m sure that there are plenty of great Thyroidority songs we can consider at our next meeting!
Finally, there are some top-secret things that only those who are members of the Thyroidority can know. For example, what it actually feels like to gain 20 pounds in one month without changing your diet or exercise. What it’s like to need a nap to recuperate from the arduous task of getting up to have breakfast. The unique look on a doctor’s face when he says “your TSH is normal, you really should consider Prozac.”, And of course, the information that we keep in the sacred secret Thyroidority Book of Books: the names of the handful of endocrinologists in the U.S. who truly understand thyroid disease, really care about their patients, and don’t own a Rolls Royce thanks to Synthroid kickbacks.
Because every week is pledge week at the Thyroidority, we of course welcome new members all year round. And my dear thyroid, just think…I have you to thank for all of it!
Everyone’s Thyroidority Sister
(Bio) Mary is author of a number of best-selling books on thyroid disease, hormones, autoimmune disease, and weight loss, and a nationally-known spokesperson and activist for patient rights. In addition to her work with About.com, Mary founded and runs the Thyroid-Info Website, and since 1997 has published Sticking Out Our Necks, the only independent, advertising-free thyroid disease newsletter for patients. Read more about Mary Shomon. Follow Mary on Twitter, Friend Mary on Facebook and join Mary’s Global Support Community on Facebook., Check out, thyroid related books by Mary Shomon — Every Thyrella and Thyfella should have at least one in their thybrary.