DEAR THYROID^TM

As you see, I’ve changed the title of this column. Last week it was called “Tales From Thyietnam”  As it turns out,  “Tales,  From Thyietnam” is,  going to be a monthly podcast beginning in August.  More details coming soon. PS: Still working,  on a title for this column. Any suggestions?

The other day while writing this, it occurred to me that I wanted to begin with an Adrienne Rich quote, (she’s one of my favorite writers). Like superglue, at my sickest points, I never forgot it and this is the quote, “The moment of change is the only poem.

This morning, I realized, there are other quotes, new quotes that resonate as deeply, if not more so. Quotes by Dear Thyroid writers and readers, infused with literary brilliance and rawness that is so pure, so uninterrupted, and so perfect. Each Thyrant, Dear Thyroid letter and comment is unabashed. Connecting us all, to serve as a reminder that we’re not alone, that better days are ahead, that we will reclaim our lives, if we haven’t already, and that we have each other’s back as we find our way through this ingrown cunt /cock hair (should we be lucky enough to have any left) of a disease.

To name a few, and this is just scratching the surface:

“Do you have any idea how many times I have wanted to end it all?” — Vera LeBlanc.

“The community we have built here is so strong and we will all get through these feelings together.” — Kathy Taylor.

“There have been no days or weeks in recent memory of Irritable Male Syndrome with its fits of uncontrollable object-smashing rage and wanting to go all STABBITTY on people, and then squish their gooey insides through our tightly clenched fingers.” — Mike.

“I do love you, and I really want what’s best for you and for us to get along. I just don’t want to cooperate in our demise anymore.” — Betsy Salkind.

“My favorite past time was complaining. I was SO good at it. My boyfriend called me Miss Miserable — Anne Liang.

“Dear Thyroid, Thanks for embarrassing me yet again by shutting down my brain cells in the middle of a conver..uhh?” –Janet Chopack.

“Yes, you, dear thyroid, are the one who apparently pledged me against my will to the Thyroidority;” — Mary Shomon.

“You are like a psychotic boyfriend who won’t let go. Nine years later. That’s bad.” — Kairol Rosenthal.

“Dear thyroid, Thanks for sparing me this weekend so I was able to enjoy the festivities on the 4th of July.” — Julie Baumer

I’ve left out at least 60 quotes, to be sure. Thyrellas and Thyfellas, Dear Thyroid is a sacred place, created by every single one of you, willing to speak to your thyroids, not about them to a friend or a family member, but to the source itself. A fuckin; butterfly gland?! Can you believe our thyroids or lack thereof are shaped like a friggin’ butterly,  Seriously?!

My loverdeedo’s, keep writing. Keep sharing. Keep connecting. Keep being your fabulous selves. We are bringing sexy back to thyroid disease. Let’s rock the roid (ha. So 80s).

This week, Dear Thyroid came up on the following WTF searches. Like last week, I did not change the spelling:

Pulling an “all nighter” Shaking, sweating, insomnia, or couldn’t-get-your-ass-off-the-toilet-diarrhea?

Effects of pickles in vaginas  Aside from wondering how the fuck Dear Thyroid would even come up on this search, I need to know what type: Candied, Cherry, Cornichon, Dill, Fermented, Gherkin, Kosher dill? And, after you shoved one or more brands of these,  pickles up your flange and ended up in stirrups an hour later, what had you gifted your split knish with? A yeast infection or something more thrilling?

You ain’t seen nothing like me yet Really? I,  have Graves’ disease, I am the elephant woman. Top that, bitch.

Can your thyroid kill you?  That’s rhetorical, right?

Gluelike sticky substance Coming out of, dare I ask, which orifice?

Body kick  (ed) your ass by your thyroid or brain, or both?

glande canion  I know this person meant Gland Canyon, but the spelling was so jacked, that I had to share. Though, I wonder, maybe they were trying to sound sexy French, or saucy Italian.

Will fatty foods make a thyroid Regenerate? When you find out, spill.

Thyroid boat Are you building one? Can we get a free ride? Can we name it?

Hypo thyroid bull shit Again, rhetorical, right?

A few other things, I want my Thygraphs.  I know I’m pushy. We only have 9 more days until the end of the month. I have received some thylicious graphs, thank you. I need more, cookies. Spill it. Don’t be shy. In 500 words or less, send via Facebook or email. All Thygraphs will be posted on July 31st. This month’s topic for Thyroid Patients — Most humiliating symptom you deal with. This month’s topic for Families of Thyroid patients — What the hell is happening, moment.

The Group Room Cancer Talk Radio is,  hosting a,  very interesting topic on Sunday, “When the Doctor and Nurse Become The Patient.” Jump in and join the discussion.

The Thyroid Guide to Hair Loss for Patients, by Mary Shomon, is a great read. I got it this week and devoured it. Oompha did it help.

Last night, two social media gurus,  major GURUS, and genuinely kind hearted, extremely creative and welcoming folks, Mark Davidson and Linda Wyatt, invited me to their weekly Tuesday Night Open Social Media Conference Call, which was last night, I know it was a Wednesday (I remember some things), to talk about Dear Thyroid. I was so,  appreciative of their support for Dear Thyroid and,  for the opportunity to talk about our community.  Last night’s call was a,  podcast,  if you have some time, check it out.  ,

Every Tuesday night, yes it will be Tuesday, Mark and Linda host,  the Tuesday Night Open Social Media Conference Call. I plan to attend, to be sure. I,  am now listening to their archives, soooo fascinating.  It’s totally free and completely fabulous. If you’re interested in SM, I suggest you join the discussion. Here’s the dish, at 6:30 PST, the call starts. Dial 1-218-339-2626 and the,  PIN 209061. Wah-lah, you’re in!

Last thing, we are going to be adding more links to our site, so we are asking you, Dear Thyroid readers, to please send us your blogs and or websites. We would love to post them.

Oh, I know this was a long one. Thanks for listening.

Love,

ME

Tags: thyroid cancers humor, thyroid disorders humor, thyroid humor, Thyroid humor column, thyroid jokes, thyroid patient humor, You Found Dear Thyroid By Searching For

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