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Your Thywhipping Bitch, I Am Not

Post Published: 28 July 2009
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Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 28 responses. Leave a comment

Dear Thyroid,

I’m only 23, Dear Thyroid, why now?

Our relationship began unexpectedly, and similar to other people’s stories, I got fat.   And, also, like others, I was not eating everything in sight.   In fact, my dear, I was barely eating; much to the dismay of my Dietitian-intern-boyfriend.   Said Dietitian boyfriend has been the only one who has kept me positive, as my cute 120 pound frame escalated to 170 pounds, (it hurts to write that) in two and a half years.   So, thanks for that, Dearest Thyroid. At least I know he loves me for the right reasons and not because I was cute.

I also have to thank my old doctor, who, you see, gave me 4 blood tests over 4 years and each year, our TSH grew: 1.5 in 2004, 2.1, 2.7, 3.5 and 4.25 in 2008.   This doctor never bothered to see me. In ,  fact, he pushed his Physician’s Assistant on me and gave me a plethora of pills: Anti-depressants (Cymbalta and then Zoloft), Anti-anxiety (Xanax) and Anti-narcolepsy pills (ProVigil).   Through those years, neither the doctor nor the,  PA told me that our TSH was,  rising and that I was not normal.   In fact, Thyroid, they told us that,  we were absolutely normal.

In the meantime, my hair was getting coarse and falling out by handfuls (especially in the shower and clogging the drain every time I showered), my fingers got puffy, my face, so bloated that as my mom noted recently, that she could barely see my eyes, and Thyroid, you know what beautiful blue grey eyes I have, why hide those?!  My skin got so dry that if I didn’t put lotion on after every single shower it started peeling and my moods were ridiculous.   My periods?  Horrific.   And, I was on birth control, that’s supposed to control, right?,

Well, loving Thyroid, no; it was all you, girlfriend.

Finally, a new doctor told me, after doing a bunch of blood work, and two ultrasounds, and finding a polyp on my gallbladder, and that the fibroid on my uterus grew, that my TSH was “upper normal” and my FT4 was low, and said that my new endocrinologist would be able to “shed more light on it…

Of course, my visit with the endo was horrific. ,  He tried to put me on Phentermine so I could lose weight, as the symptoms of hypothyroid are so general that they don’t matter.   Nice, right?,   Then, he had the nerve to tell me that my food diary was a lie and that I must be cheating when dietitian-boyfriend isn’t around.   I dropped his ass.

I found a good doctor, loving Thyroid, that believed me and put me on Armour.   It’s been a little over a month and I feel a bit better.   I haven’t lost any weight yet, not really. But, the doc says that will take time.   I’m also on iodine because he says I have an iodine deficiency.   That makes sense too, Thyroid.   Just so you know, I’m beginning a new chapter, hopefully with less of you in it.

I’m not particularly pleased this week though, Dearest Thyroid, because, you see, I haven’t gotten my period.   Doc says it’s too early to be from the Armour, but I secretly think you’re trying to take my life away again.   Were you the one who caused the fibroid on my uterus?,   Oh, and, Thyroid, don’t think you can blame this on my birth control because I stopped taking that months ago.   I know you’re playing games with me,  and I’m not about to put up with it!

Dear Thyroid, it’s time for me to end this letter to you.   I want you to know that, even though you haven’t been a true life partner to me, I still love you.

Love always and forever (unless someday I have to get you removed),

Natasha

P.S. Now that dietitian boyfriend is living in Louisiana, and I’m trying to lose weight, can you please help me out here?  I want to surprise him. He’s stuck it out with me for nearly five years now, and through this mess, I just want to be happy again.


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28 Responses to “Your Thywhipping Bitch, I Am Not”

  1. Kathy says:

    The weight thing is such a bitch, isn’t it? I gained 50 pounds in about 3 months time. Now, someone would think that it would have bothered more than just me! My closet has before thyroid clothes and after thyroid clothes. I am throwing nothing away. I have hope for getting things straightened out and returning to the me that feels the best.
    To be so young and going through it all, I give you a lot of credit, Natasha. I love that you are teaching writing. You know yourself, and you will help others to write, write and write to share experiences and just get it out. Twenty years ago, I had cancer, and through the healing process dabbled in watercolor painting. I don’t have the paintings anymore, but it was amazing to look back and see how I had spoken through and expressed my feelings within the artwork. I could see that hurt and illness existed at the beginning and that a real healing had taken place.
    Keep writing. Write at home. Write here..especially here. We can all support you with our thoughts and virtual hugs and caring.

  2. sushi thyroid says:

    Oh, Natasha…. I feel your pain. Since the induction into the sisterhood last year, I had seen 20 doctors. 20! For overlapping issues that centered around my Hashi’s…. but no one would tell me it WAS my Hashi’s and bounced me around from one specialist to the next. No wonder I work 7 days a week, now, and have no money.

    5 General Practitioners (because they pissed me off and 4/5 wanted me to put the fork down and go on Effexor. Bitches) My last one is in another state and does actual labs on me- found out my parathyoids are a little wonky, too.

    3 Gynos (had a little cancer stuff kickin, along with birth control issues) the last one got me off of the BC, against the Endo’s suggestions.

    1 Psychologist,
    1 Psychiatrist, and
    1 Neuro-Psych (For the same reason- which turns out wasn’t panic attacks, but thyroid attacks that have mellowed since dumping the birth control). The last one, takes a holistic approach, doesn’t really have me on anything- I was on Cymbalta for a little bit for the body ouches. She is there so I can tell my other doc’s to F off about me being nuts.

    1 Sleep Specialist and
    1 Pulmonologist (sp) from the same office (who told me I am fine- even though I go through months of no sleep, and months of too much…. I cried out of exhaustion and frustration when he said I didn’t even snore during my sleep study…. so he told me to get a psychiatrist. “I have one”. “Well, your meds must not be working”.)

    1 Nutrionist- who got me my first Endo since she said I ate fabulously.

    1 Cardiologist- for the heart racing thing- I’m fine.

    1 Dermatologist – for my hormone face acne

    1 Dentist who was the first to say she thought I had a thyroid issue

    1 Optho since I developed a very progressive “astigmatism” over a year after nada for oh 29 years.

    And I know I am missing at least 2. OH! The Endos!!!! hahaaa.

  3. carmel says:

    WOW, I cannot believe the doc told you that you had LIED in your own food diary. That is absurd. OF COURSE you took the time to write down a fake diet, knowing that would help!

    I once discussed my concerns with an endo and he said, “yeah? where did you get that info from?” and I said, “the internet.” He asked, “how much did you pay for that information?” …of course I was like, “whaaa…um, nothing?” and he said, “right, so it’s worth nothing.”

    HA HA HA, he hasn’t seen this website. Unfortunately, I was living in a small rural town at the time…he was the only Endo for 200 miles.

    I’ve since moved to a bigger city and have a much better Endo but STILL…there are horror stories out there.

    PS. My mom is an NP and she said nothing makes her happier than when a patient comes in with questions because they’ve done some research. So keep at it, everyone!

  4. getsquirrel says:

    Thank you for writing this letter. I felt at once furious on your behalf (what a bunch of idiot doctors!!!!) and hopeful that you are now on the right path toward health and feeling better. There is so much emphasis on treating the physical aspects that we forget the emotional aspects are equally important. Sorry, *doctors* forget there is an emotional component to thyroid disease. It’s such a roller coaster ride. I am rooting for you and hope that you will take time to write a part two letter.
    ~ a fellow Natasha 🙂

  5. Natasha says:

    Now, yes. At first, no, not so much. Craig was really the only one who believed me, because he lived with me and saw how freakin’ active I am. I still have friends who don’t really believe me, but I think they’ll understand as they get older and come across people with similar problems. The issue with me being so young is people just think that I stopped being active and healthy, so I think a lot of people my age just don’t get it. Which sucks, but I don’t get too down about it.

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