Self-Esteem?! I’ve Got A Thyawry!
I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t always tired or getting regular headaches. I’ve always had weight issues and have noticed at times, definite declines in my mental abilities. Consequently building up any sort of self esteem has been a long hard road for someone whose self esteem was tied up in mental ability and who was regularly being given not-so-subtle hints to lose weight. What a loser can’t get good marks, can’t lose weight, balding hypochondriac.
Was it your fault thyroid? Who’s to know? Certainly it was a major factor at least from the age of 14-15 when I was diagnosed. The doctor said it was the worst case he had personally seen (worst as in longest left without medication, goiter, massive hair loss, bad skin, constant weariness, cold cold cold;in the tropics!). But I was taught not to complain, so I didn’t and so the disease had steadily progressed to this point. My battle didn’t really end here though. Because I had such low self esteem and had been taught not to complain, I didn’t ask questions, didn’t want to make a nuisance of myself and basically didn’t really think I was worth the trouble. Also with a shot memory, I didn’t remember anything he told me other than to take a pill every day.
I’m not one for holding grudges though, and I have this to say to you:
The battle is not yet finished and I thank you for providing another mountain for me to climb. Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy. This is the motto I live my life by and so far it has worked all the best things in my life have come after, and as the result of a hard decision and a battle. Without your stunt, dear thyroid, I would never have discovered all of these wonderful, supportive people who are willing to share what they have learned. I would never have dug any deeper than “Body for Life” as far as food nutrition goes, and everything I have learned so far would have helped me, even if you were still working. It would never have occurred to me that what I was putting into my body, was also making me ill. I wouldn’t have learned about the way the human body works. I wouldn’t be able to help my mum who has recently been diagnosed and my brother who I suspect is in the same boat. Learning how you are affecting me in so many ways gives me relief you can’t imagine it means I’m not a faulty model, I’m as worth the trouble as everyone else. I’d say you are a large part in me learning forgiveness and the wonders it can work.
Would love to keep writing, but started writing this before going to work and I REALLY have to go ” hmmm can I blame my poor timing and tardiness on you? Hehehe, yes that may be stretching it a bit far.
I’ll just leave you with one last thought, dear thyroid: don’t feel too badly, it was genetics that caused all the trouble, not you. We’ll eventually find a way to get all the things done that you were made to do, in the meantime, remember I still love you and will keep you around for company.
(Bio), I am a 33 year old Australian. I am not married and have no children;yet. For a living, I am an office manager and when not working I am studying towards a Bachelor of Commerce (Financial Planning) and managing my holiday rental. Goodness – that sounds so much more orderly than the reality!
Tags: Dear Thyroid Community, Dear Thyroid Letters, epistolary series, letters to thyroid glands, letters to thyroidectomized selves, letters to thyroids, thyroid blog, Thyroid disease support, Thyroid patient letters, thyroid support