DEAR THYROID^TM

Thank you EVERYONE for your outstanding thyliteraryliciousness; we’re so proud of everyone who took the time to participate.

I can’t think of a better cherry-popping Dear Thyroid contest than the one we just had. Thank you for making this as spectacular as you have.

Now, onto the question, “What does it mean to have your thyroid?”

The answers are below. Please vote for your favorite answer in comments. You have until August 20^th to vote. The stakes are high, anything the winner wants from the Dear Thyroid Store. Okay, not really high, as compared to our, oh, I don’t know, diseases. That being said, you all know, I, Katie, can be super overly dramatic.

Onto the entrant’s answers in chronological order:

1. Amber: If you know you have a thyroid then there must be something wrong with it.
2. Madison: That eventually throughout all of the thynonsince, it will be nothing more than a ghost of what should have been there and means that you can survive and stick it out to the very end, but if it had been doing its job, it means coca cola, chocolate, and soy.
3. Kathy: See my thyroid. My thyroid is mean. Mean. Mean. Mean. It is mean to have MY thyroid. Maybe that’s why it is in perpetual thyme out.
4. Natasha: I love contests! Sadly, I can’t play. My thyroid has caused some massive thyfog and I don’t understand the question, despite having read it 5 times. Guess this is what having a thyroid means to me?
5. Bee: because of my thyroid I have had the pleasure of sounding like a squeaky toy, looking like a street fighter after someone beat the crap out of my eyeballs, turning into a meatball with legs, and growing a great moustache (I’m a girl), instead of pubic hair.
6. Alexia Dunay: Because of my thyroid: I look like the writer Colette sans the cigarette in my mouth and a glass of red wine in her later years, fuzzy hair, stout and rummy eyes.
7. Laura: If you had my thyroid for the past four years, you were constipated, forgetful, tired, depressed, and your hair was falling out. You blamed yourself for making choices which led to unhappiness and stress. Now you can blame your cancerous, non-functioning thyroid. You wish knowing this made you feel better.
8. Sarah: What does it mean to have my thyroid? Let’s just say I’ve named it Dr. Thekyl and Mr. Thyde. After a week of the doctor, Mr. Thyde has finally come calling. Tomorrow, who knows! It’s mysterious, savage, and changes with the thides, uh, tides.
9. Thy_r88gous: Having my thyroid means that you get to look kinda like half of you is smoking crack and the other half is smoking pot. One look at my T.E.D. will tell you that. And one minute I can be talking a 100 words a minute about a subject I am highly educated in and the next minute I’m like “dude, huh, what?” So “Whatever!” You get to tell yourself this over and over again every day. Also you would get to the end of this and remember what you just read not more than 10 minutes ago; this was supposed to be in 50 words or less. Fuck!! Whatever!! P.S. I deleted a lot.
10. AnnieRZ: What does it mean to have my Thyroid? “Goiter” came back to haunt me- when I was young, I never knew the meaning- but I would use it & repeat it because it sounded so FUNNY!! Moral of the Thory: Beware-Thyroids DO have ears!! (and multi-nodules!),  ,
11. Gaye: Having MY Thyroid means ALWAYS having to say “I’m sorry!”
12. Little Weirdy: Hypo thyroid Gland, going cheap, free shipping! Beautiful butterfly shaped gland that will provide you with hours of endless puzzles and entertainmentL where has my hair / voice / looks / energy / life gone? Who am I, and what did I come in here for, anyway? Hypo thyroid gland makes life a rollercoaster ride! With a lucky dip every morning! What will it be today sore legs? Constipation? Brain fog? The combinations are endless!! Buy now! guaranteed your life will never be the same again!
13. Christina: What does it mean to have my thyroid? It means behaving like an insomniac nutcase 24/7. And you would want to say sorry to everyone around, but you can, ´t because if you tried, you would sound like someone who smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day for the last ten years.

Tags: Dear Thyroid Win a T-Shirt Contest, Marco Thylo Voting, thyroid humor

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