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Forgive and Forget, In Your Dreams, Thyroid
Dear Thyroid,
It finally hit home at my last doctor’s visit. What’s left of you is never going to get any better.
My body has decided to destroy you completely, and I will have to watch it , and feel it, happen. I wish my body hadn’t decided to attack you so viciously. I would defend you if I could, but my body has it’s own agenda: you have been targeted for termination! Sounds like some sick remake of a science fiction movie.
You worked so very well for me all those years. I appreciate all the energy you gave me. The energy I took for granted. Oh! The energy I miss so much! Not to mention all the other things you did for me so well. You were a pro! You were responsible for my slim body and long silky hair. You were responsible for my soft skin, sharp mind, and outgoing personality. You were responsible for so, so many things that are too numerous to list. Now all of those things are gone, and their replacements – to say the least – leave a lot to be desired! And to think, all the while, I never even knew exactly where you were located within my body – the body that was planning your untimely demise.
Some days I long for you to somehow make a miraculous recovery. Some days I hate you so bad, I could reach in through the hideous scar on my throat and rip you out myself! Most days I just wonder “Why?” Why can’t you fight back ? Why can’t I return to “Normal” again? Why have you forsaken me and taken my health, my relationships, my self esteem, and my sanity?
Yes, dear thyroid, most days I loathe you!
You make me a bitch! A full blown BITCH!!! You cause me to loose it, then cry for hours feeling guilty about yet another horrible scenario in my life that I can’t take back! Is that what they call “Thyrage”? You force me to put my plans with my family – especially my lovely children – on hold ; until YOU feel like throwing me a bone and kicking in a little help with the energy level! I REALLY hate you, for that!
You make me look like a blithering idiot. Groping for words , peoples names, and simple information in the middle of a conversation, while people look at me like I have a third eye. You suck for doing that!
You make me look at the hag in the mirror and wonder who she is and what has she done with my old self! You useless piece of crap!
You have cost me thousands of dollars in hospital and doctor bills – not to mention the mess you’re creating in my body, tested every 3-6 months! That really bites – you lazy, piss poor excuse for a gland!
Thyroid; I would have been much happier if I had never been formally introduced to you. But, I will miss you so badly when you are gone for good. And, you can sure believe; I will never, ever forget you.
Yours Truly,
Charlene
(Bio) My name is Charlene. I am the mother of two young boys. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s in December 2008. I am 44 years old. I am trying to learn how to cope with this disease.
August Flickr Photos, August’s theme is HOPE. Today and tomorrow are the only days left to vote for the Marco Thylo T-Shirt contest. Very important, thyluuuuvahs, we are recording Mary Shomon on Friday 5PM/EST for our first Tales from Thyietnam Podcast. We are taking 3 calls. This is a great opportunity! Please email katie@dearthyroid.com if you want in.
Tags: Dear Thyroid, hashimoto's disease support, Thyroid disease support, thyroid disease symptoms, Thyroid patient letters, thyroid patients venting
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13 Responses to “Forgive and Forget, In Your Dreams, Thyroid”
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Charlene, your letter is so fiercely angry. You tell it like it is, throwing it all down like plates crashing on the floor, breaking and smashing with the loud quick sounds of your anger. Then, in the last lines, you reveal the softer side, the deep inside of you that is so loving. Your thyroid has been part of you, but it HAS to go, and you have to go on. Turn and walk away, just walk away. One step at a time. You have climbed this rocky dangerous mountain. You have done it! You may feel beaten, broke and scarred, but you are still there underneath it all. The real you. Scars are there to help us remember and tell the story. Someday, you’ll be able to touch the scar and say “Oh..I remember when it was so awful, let me tell you…” And then, you’ll smile, because you’ll be feeling so much better..the old you will be back, and you’ll be feeling great. One step at a time. Until then, one step, one day at a time, you have friends here who understand and will help hold you up on your way.
Despite my more forgiving attitude about a month ago (before the pressure ramped up), this is very much how I feel at the moment. Thanks Charlene for sharing this.
And the miraculous recovery thing…my doc told me at 15/16 yrs old that my thyroid has a 99.99% chance of never recovering (yes I think he pulled that number from thin air for emphasis) and I have left it in me all that time on the 0.01% chance that one day it kicks back to life one day.
Your letter is EXACTLY how I feel, too. You couldnt have described me any better, ha ha! I have lost my entire being-who I used to be, my hopes and dreams, can’t play with my son anymore as far as physical or activity requiring concentration. People look at me like I am nuts and get impatient while I am searching for a word…not to mention I am still searching for the 50 bucks I put who knows where two days ago! I mourn for the old me or at least 50% of the old me to return! Thanks for sharing your blog! Hugs!
Ladies,
Thank you so much for your wonderful words of encouragement. They are like steps on a ladder out of a dark hole. To some people – like me – who have little other support, these words mean so much.
I have to tell you that the last few months have been some of the toughest in my life ( LOL – like it wasn’t obvious from the letter), but I have reached a point where I reminded myself of a quote I heard once – “you can either get busy living, or get busy dieing”. I have only to look at my two “wild things” to know what my choice will be. I am working on doing all I can for myself, and learning to deal with the thinks I can’t change.
I also have to tell you how theraputic it was to write the letter to my thyroid. It really gave me the sounding board I needed to get it all out, and Dear Thyroid is so much cheaper than a therapist!
If you have had any kind of thyroid issues, I HIGHLY recommend you write that letter to your thyroid today! You’ll be glad you did.
I really hope the ladies who dedicate their time to this web site know how special they are. 🙂
– Charlene 🙂