DEAR THYROID^TM

Going through this week’s Dear Thyroid searches felt like sifting through 4AM sorda-porn on cable. Or, dial-an-ass on network television, again at 4AM. A la, cue the frisky, transparently thin blonde lying on her (wildly inappropriate canopy) bed, talking on the phone while twisting a looooooong (ever heard of innuendo or irony) cord, through her fingers with a well appointed French tip manicure.

I find myself wondering, how is it possible that Dear Thyroid, thyroid disease and thyroid support dovetails into, plow that ass with my hardy peeny pistol, or fuck her ass on Friday (why only Friday? Is there an ass prep course for Friday ass fucking that I’m unaware of?!), How do I fuck ass with my finger(seriously? What educational institute of fucktardaree did you not graduate from? I do believe the answer lies within the question, does it not?).

I digress. I would think that if Dear Thyroid were to come up on dumb sex searches, it would read more like this, how can I fuck my girlfriend’s thyroid? Or,if I’m giving my lover a blow job and he swallows, will my ejack imbalance his thyroid? Or, could I thyroidectomize my wife by fucking it out of her, you know, to avoid the exorbitant medical bills?

Onto more searches for the week:

1. Don’t be a little bitch and let’s talk numbers: Are we talking to our thyroid or to the endocrinologist? Regardless, I agree.
2. Maple syrup thyroid: Cannibalarella, did you also search for #10? ,  I get it, you eat bits and pieces of people and you simply want to know how to dress your butterfly gland to make it a taste sensation. PS: You’re creepy. No judgment.
3. Tito’s tacos nutrition and calories:
4. Sheer ass: Correct me if I’m wrong, wouldn’t you search for “Sheer lingerie for his/her ass?
5. Let’s talk about your butt: What would you like to know, if it’s a double wide, a triple slide, or akin to the worldwide web? Break it down for me and I just might have an answer for you.
6. How long until thyroid med kick in: That’s rhetorical, right? PS: You’ll have symptoms after they kick in, don’t worry. The beauty of that is when you see your endocrinologist. If they’re like the majority of the endocrinologist’s we’ve endodated, they’ll pawn you off on another specialist, even though your symptoms are glaringly thyroid related.
7. Graves’ disease merchandise:  Have you hit the Dear Thyroid store? We’ve got oodles of Graves’ merch.
8. Is it possible for your thyroid to start:  With a new starter? An engine overhaul? A swift kick in the gland? What’s your vision?
9. How does thyroid go bad if you eat organ: I digress; creepy.

And that, my dears concludes this week’s Dear Thyroid searches. On an up note, we do have some luscious thyroid dish you won’t want to miss:

Mary Shomon’s fabulous interview with Nia Vardalos: Nia Vardalos Talks About Keeping Her Health, Thyroid and Weight in Balance.

Tonight we’re posting the winner of the Marco Thylo T-shirt contest! Thank you all for voting and participating. Don’t forget to stop by later.

Love,

Katie

Tags: Dear Thyroid Search Results, Marco Thylo, stupid things endocrinologists say, stupid things said to thyroid patients, thyroid humor, thyroid humor stories, thyroid jokes

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