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Thyspondent
Dear Thyroid,
You are really doing something to me right now. What’s going on? I remember reading and hearing
“For every high there is a relatively equal low; what goes up must come down, for every up there is a down…
Is that what is happening now? Did I have such a nice time on Saturday that you dumped me into the well? I am sitting here feeling cold and dark, and like I cannot get out. I haven’t felt this way in a long, long time. I try to have some lightness and humor in each day, but for two days, I have hidden. I kept hearing the word despondent in my head, and until I looked up the definition, I wasn’t sure if that was what my mind meant to be saying to me.
Definition of despondent “Without or almost without hope; despondent about his/her failure; too heartsick to fight back…
That’s how I’m feeling now. I have absolutely no fizz. On Tuesday, I woke up crying with that catch in my chest, you know the one that you get after you’ve been crying your heart out and sobbing for a while?
I had absolutely no coping skills, so work was not much fun. Crying intermittently throughout the day does not allow me to accomplish much.
And, when YOU are supposed to be the fun one, providing smiles for everyone else; well, you can imagine how very, very long the days are. I’ve told everyone that it is not them, it is me. But, I think my dear thyroid, it is YOU! You are a part of me, so it is us.
I’ve called and made an appointment to see my primary care physician to talk about you, depression and my weight, but we are not stopping there. I want you to speak up, too. We need to see the endocrinologist and fast. So, you need to come up in the report, all the numbers that will get us there.
My metabolism or lack thereof, and I mean severely lack thereof does not allow me to take any medications. I have adverse reactions to every single depression med, to the point of nearly being hospitalized. Serotonin syndrome is not pretty. Let’s not go there again. I need you to help me.
You need to help me. Please help me. I’m afraid of the dark and I hate feeling cold and empty.
I have been sitting down here in this well with my arms wrapped around myself. I forgot or didn’t seem to realize that no one might know that I am down here, if I don’t yell and make some noise. So, here goes
“HELP! HELP! I’m stuck down here! Somebody! Come and help me!”
It must be morning. When I look up, I can see a little tiny light…Is anyone there?! Don’t worry, dear thyroid, we’ll be okay. We’ll get out of here, soon. I hope.
Beginning to feel hopeful,
Kathy Taylor
(Bio) Kathy Taylor “This letter addressed to my thyroid comes from me, a now 54-year-old woman, married with a very patient husband, and 2 daughters and 6 grandchildren. I love my job, working as an Activities Director in a nursing home. I love coffee, wearing my polka dotted boots and my slicker in the rain, and reading John Updike. You can find me on Facebook…
Tags: Dear Thyroid, Thyroid disease support, thyroid patient disease, Thyroid patient letters, thyroid patients speaking out, thyroid related depression
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16 Responses to “Thyspondent”
Leave a Reply to anita
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kathy. hang in, hang on. don’t give up. do the doctor and keep swimming for the surface. you are NOT alone. i have been in your place and i know how horrible it is. that crying is terrible, and i wouldn’t wish it on anyone. you have us, we care and we’re behind you. look over your shoulder darlin’ and you’ll feel the energy of thousands of us, giving you our heart and support. we want you well. don’t give up.
Kathy, Great imagery in your writting. Anita says it best above. We are all here for you and will help. Keep climbing!
We hear you, hun!
We know exactly where you are, because a lot of us have been there too! I’m sure I’m bound to fall back into my own dark pit from time to time – it’s the nature of the disease. But, I think I may have finally found my ladder. So please, don’t give up. It does get better.
You couldn’t have found a better site for understanding. The Dear Thyroid ladies, and everyone involved with the site, are fabulous and don’t mind if you “let it all hang out” about thyroid issues – and that in itself can be a great form of therapy.
Best wishes to you and remember – you are definitely not alone in this. {{HUGS}} – Charlene
all caps here to emphasize this message: I LOVE YOU ALL!!! I WISH I COULD HUG EVERYONE OF YOU RIGHT NOW!
I am so without fizz, but I am going to keep on going..the batteries are low, but they’re still working, so upward and onward. With all of you to hold my hand, I will be successful on this journey to good health. And when you take my hand, let whatever strength I have flow to you, and give you back what you have done for me..
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!
I’m learning more and more every day from each and every one of you. One thing for sure, Kathy, sometimes you just have to go day-to-day, or even minute-to-minute, knowing eventually you’ll emerge better on the other side.
I keep repeating the mantra, “What does not kill me, makes me stronger.” We’re all a helluva strong bunch of folks here!
Aw Kathy ..here’s a giant bear hug just for you girl!!That feeling sucks I know but just like all the wonderful gals above have mentioned THERE IS LIGHT AT THE TOP OF THE WELL! I’ve been there too hon ..had so little energy at the bottom of that well I was suckin’ mud!But with time and patience,finding the right doc,right dosage of hormones and watching out for what I eat and drink daily things start to get better.As you age you’ll probably always need some tweeking.Just get some rest,can you get a “I love Lucy” DVD?When ever I felt teary I just made myself a cuppa tea & put on Lucy and in a little while after having watched her whine/cry and wonderful antics ,I felt better! Any comedy you love can help! A little walk outside maybe later? Goodluck at the Dr’s.take some nice slow calming deep breathes whenever you can think of it.We’re with you in spirit,healing thoughts for that misbehavin’ thyroid of yours,Deb
After I wrote this letter, I did advocate for myself to get a visit to the endocrinologist.. that’s another letter in itself. It’s what I call “a three hour truck story”. As for me, today is a better day, and this moment a GREAT moment, ’cause you all are so closely around me. Thanks again. Watch for that ‘truck story’.
Oh…How well I know that place,I have been there a lot this year,not a place I want others to go.There is hope,I am here still and you will be too! I have been to 4 dr.’s so far my last one has put me on Thyroid meds he is an Internist.I am thankful for him,I also have an appointment with the Endo. in 12 days..I’m counting down(it took that long to get in with Her,about 2 months) So this will be Dr. #5.You have to be strong for yourself and keep trying,never give up,We the Thyroid Victims, and we will survive!!! I know that’s hard to see from where you are,but that little light you see is hope!And I’m sure I haven’t seen the last of that dark dank place,but I will be armed!!!I also want to say I found my Dr on this site by going to Mary Shomon,Thyroid Patient Advocate,and looking under her Dr. look up in my area and there is one about 3 blocks from my home!!! So with the help of the beautiful site( Dear Thyroid) it helped me to know I’m not alone,even when I felt like no one else was around!!!!
Hopeful,Angel
For what it’s worth Kathy – it’s a very familiar place 🙁
I’m crying right now because I have been there. You put it so succintly. That dark cave is a lonely place. It is so bittersweet that others know how you feel. Sweet because it lightens the load and bitter because you wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy. Thanks, Kathy
so sorry to send a delayed response–I’ve been off the grid, so to speak, for the past wk. due to a family emergency (that didn’t end well-also another story)—-just know that WE HAVE ALL BEEN DOWN IN THAT DARK PLACE and even to you are just seeing a small light, it’s light nontheless and that means hope…never give up!!!!