DEAR THYROID^TM

Dear Thyroid,

I’m not even sure where you are these days.   Part of you is possibly still on a slide at the Mayo Clinic.   Oh, that sounds kinda important doesn’t it?,   But that’s when we knew our relationship was going to end.   When part of you went there, I got the pathology report that would change our lives.   It was sort of a “Dear John” letter from you, my little Thyroid wasn’t it?   It said:

Female, 29 years old presents with Stage III papillary/follicular carcinoma with orphan Annie nuclei.   “Orphan Annie nuclei.”   That sounds so cute and innocent doesn’t it?  Ha!

I miss you.   We had a great relationship once, didn’t we?   I let you live in my neck rent-free.   I nourished you.   I protected you.   In return you provided me with a metabolism.   It was a nice metabolism once too, wasn’t it?,   I had energy. I didn’t need naps. For awhile there, I even managed to weigh under 200 pounds.   I thought I looked pretty hot.

But then you weren’t happy and you started dividing your cells all goofy-like.   And then you decided to try and kill me.   Not cool, Thyroid!,   You were even tricky about it.   You fooled my doctor during the fine needle biopsy. ,  And trust me, there is nothing fine about having a 6 inch needle in your damn neck. This, of course led to me having not one, but 2 surgeries to cut you out of my life.

You couldn’t even let go of me easily.   You had to wrap yourself around 2 of my parathyroid glands before you were ready to come out.   You must have thought that you could stop my calcium production, you sneaky Thyroid.   You did manage to give me a good amount of muscle cramps because of that, but I got over it.   By the way, calcium replacement comes in chocolate chews!,   You know how I love chocolate. I will have you know that I have cracked plenty a joke at your expense, Thyroid while I have been treated, scanned, poked and prodded. So, I guess we both got our last little jabs in.

Without you, I don’t feel so hot.   My radiation nurses told me I was “Hot” but they meant “Radioactive” and quite honestly that’s probably the last time I heard “Hot” and “Megan” in the same sentence. Now I have some fancy (and expensive) replacement thyroid hormones.   It’s not the same though.   I would rather have you.   It was good with us once.

Love your former landlord,

Megan

Tags: Dear Thyroid, thyroid cancer patients, Thyroid disease support, Thyroid patient letters

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