DEAR THYROID^TM

The question from last week’s Marco Thylo “Win A T-Shirt Contest” was: Thyroids humiliate…

Here are all of the entries. You have one-week to vote. The winner will be announced next Thursday, so get to voting, thyluvvvvahs.

1. Madison Merritt – Everyone

2. Anonymous – How about being in such a thyfog that you say the wrong person’s name in bed?

3. Mom2WildThings – Thyroids humiliate by making us forget simple things;like where we parked in the huge shopping center parking lot. Nothing like looking for your car for 20 minutes, then searching for your lost keys for another 10!

4. Kathy – Thyroids humiliate; when we see a photograph of ourselves and hardly recognize the person in the picture. And then we say “OMG..never again! No more photos!

5. Fisherwife – I really miss being thin. I was a tiny young woman. Now, not so much. I miss my hair. It was really thick. Libido still kicks, but I understand the sordagasm. Hilarious! My mind wanders all over the place like the kid in that family corner cartoon. Ramblin’ Rooter

6. Fisherwife – Before I was ever diagnosed with Grave’s disease I went on an embarrassing thyrade. My husband and partner are in business together. They co-own a store. In the back of the store his partner used to keep a nudie calendar. There were women who worked in this store. It really bothered me and I fussed at my husband about it alot. He contended that it was his partner’s calendar. I said it was tantamount to sexual harassment. For some reason thyroid storm occurred with a heaping dose of self righteous indignation for me. I had hallucinations of holiness. One particular day my delusions became my reality. It was frightening. I was frightening. I headed to the store to set things right.

Everyone was at the store working and minding their own business. I came in hell-bent on straightening out the situation with the nudie calendar. I was pissed. I marched to the back of the store and began a thyrade like never witnessed before. I yelled at the top of my lungs in front of unsuspecting co-workers and one very confused customer. I ripped that calendar into shreds and told my husband’s partner off.

Later, after the storm was finished raging, I was humbled. I felt more than a little humiliation over my behavior. My thyroid has led me on many such thyrants over the years. I have thrown things. I have cursed. I have driven recklessly. I have lost friendships. That day, I jeopardized our business relationship with the partner. I was so embarrassed that I behaved in such a way. Of course I apologized. Whether he was wrong about having such stuff in our store was beside the point: my thyrade was abusive and excessive.

Now, maybe you were looking for a funny story like because of my thyroid I wore my shoes on the wrong feet after sleeplessness (which I have done) or forgotten my best friend’s name (which I have also done). But the most embarrassing thing I could think of I have mentioned here. Think or medicate before you throw a thyrade!

7. Elizabeth – Hypothyroidism and when my TSH levels skyrocket amongst many other symptoms, I have lost control of my bowels. Now that’s embarrassing. Thank goodness I work from home most days because it’s easier to run to the bathroom, but when it happens in your sleep, you’re trying to make sure your husband didn’t notice cause the last thing you want is for him to be less attracted to you; already got the thinning, practically not there hair falling out and falling asleep while he’s trying to spend time with you. “Why can’t you stay awake?” to watch a movie or whatever. Sorry, no control over my body that’s been handed over to my non-acting thyroid that has decided that I shouldn’t have a complete quality of life.

8. Elizabeth – Forgetfulness! Hell yes and not noticing simple things. Worn mismatched shoes to work, worn my crocheted shirt inside out, hard not to notice; to work. Worn a skirt with a big tear in the rear to work. Why do they keep me there? Well, now I work from home.

If too much time passes, like a day, I confuse clients and have sent an email giving information to a client on their question to the wrong client and I’m an international expert tax CPA great way to make sure I’m respected forget the fact of giving one client another’s information. Thanks’ to Outlook’s ability to recall messages, but you don’t always catch that.

What’s that movie where every time the person falls asleep they forget everything oh yeah, 50 first dates. My husband loves it when I tell him the same thing over again like he’s never heard it or when I don’t tell him something really important because I think I already have but it’s someone else I told.

9. Deb – Welcome to the thyorificial opening! And I do mean every orifice! The morning after a friend’s birthday bash I was standing up in a group setting ‘singing’ along with everyone. While attempting to sing,(as usual lip sinking the words as I can’t remember the tune to this one). My eyes flood with tears, of course the nose runs, which makes me sneeze which makes me burp and fart, all the while trying to keep in rhythm with the music naturally, now that could be humiliating but I look innocently at the guy next to me as if he did it! “Disgusting!” my eyes say silently to him. Ah well..funny how the word humility and humiliating are related for they are totally different. If you’re lucky, humiliation will teach you humility. Humility teaches you to love yourself, forgive yourself, warts and all! And so..after feeling guilty at attempting to hide my orificial abundance and blame someone else, I shrugged my shoulders, gave myself an inner hug, and apologized to my thyroidraged body, letting it know that I would try to be more attentive next time to what I eat and drink. Thanks for the little reminder;

10. Bee – thyroids humiliate, constipate, dissociate, emasculate, hibernate, fluctuate, and eradicate any notion of normal; then propagate a sense of despair.

11. Bee – I never knew the true depths of HUMILIATION until my freakin’ thyroid took a nose-dive to hell. I so love meeting people I haven’t seen since diagnosis and have them gasp in my face and then cover it up by commenting on how nice I look in that color yeah, right turd-for-brains just say what you really mean as you can tell, my verbal filters have als0 been reduced to rubbish since diagnosis and “Katie bar the door if you walk on the wrong side of my path—and my path is all over the place depending on how much juice my snippet of a gland decides to share with me on any given day! So I guess for safety’s sake, everyone just stay the fuck away.

12. Bee – humiliation is my middle name-especially when you want to have a conversation with an acquaintance and it sounds something like this: Oh, Hi (dreadfully long pause) I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten your name. their response is: It’s Marylou and we worked closely together for ten yrs (her immediate thoughts: what a freakin’ moron)now your flustered so you try to make small talk(never been good at that in the best of times) so you start with the usual: how are you? how’s that whathisname who was crazy, and our boss whatshisname and is whateshername still doing umm-what did she do? they only way out of this is to start speaking Vulcan and pretend like you took it up as a summer hobby

13. Regina – How about your kid being late to karate class cause you got lost driving him there and had to wait for your GPS to locate you.. he’s only been going to the same location for the last 4 YEARS!

14. Robyn – How has my thyroid humiliated me today? Hmm; I just purchased one of those days-of-the-week pill holders. Like my GRANDMOTHER used to have. Y’know, to hold the synthroid, the beta-blockers to counter-act the tachycardia, the ambien to counter-act the insomnia, the vitD, the fish oil, the pro-biotic;.

Good luck everyone.

Tags: Dear Thyroid September Win a T-Shirt Contest, Marco Thylo Voting Commences, Vote for September's Dear Thyroid Entry

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