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Marco Thylo: A Day Late, Hopefully Not A Dollar Short

Post Published: 26 September 2009
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Category: Humor Columns, Marco Thylo
This post currently has 17 responses. Leave a comment

Often, when I write, I refer to a quote by one of my favorite authors, Charles Bukowski, “What matters most is how well you walk through the fire”. After reading it as a freshman in college, it’s been a relevant, almost desperate fixture in my life.

Over the years, I’ve autopsied each word, believing in the subtext and grittiness of the quote in its entirety, as well as the depth of its meaning. My wish was to act on it so poetically that regardless of incident, I would deflect situations like gourmet Danish buttered Teflon. Imagining myself breezing through the fire like Grace Kelly-meets-Whoopi Goldberg-meets-Norman Lear-meets- Edna St. Vincent Millay-meets-Charles Bukowski, and so many others. Recently, it occurred to me what the problem was; me. My inability to accept the death of my former self and embrace this new self, among other things. I’m a schmuck, I know.

None of us RSVP’d for the autoimmune disease soiree, but here we are, partying hard with it on a daily basis. Swapping lemon drop martinis for Synthroid or desiccated thyroid cocktails; eschewing heated fuck-a-thons for heart attack worthy palpitations and unimaginable sweat fests; renouncing every fiber of our former beings to alien invaders that swell our bodies to inconceivable sizes or shrink them to anorexic proportions and bestow us with symptoms far too shameful or heartbreaking to proclaim as, well, our own. In short, we, collectively, have endured much more than anyone should, fighting a disease we never invited into our lives.

Speaking for myself, as I’ve said a million times, I am no wiser. I am no stronger. I don’t love any deeper. I am no more grateful than I was pre-thybacle. Still. “What matters most is how well you walk through the fire”, whatever that means to me, or to any of us for that matter. I want to embrace it, in and out of context.

One thing I am certain of is who I was pre-Graves and the parts of myself I recognize, even with Graves’. I am a tough broad. I know where I come from. My integrity and ethics have never been up for negotiation or sale. I have no ulterior motive, so you can bet your sweet ass that anything I am attached to doesn’t either.

That being said, let me be clear about my intentions regarding Dear Thyroid; they are rooted in the belief that we women, teens and men deserve a place to say anything about our disease,  (save religion and politics), to curse until our wombs and balls feel emptied of toxic rage that we marginalize to the others with a genial “I’m fine. Thanks for asking… To celebrate each other’s thyroid success stories with unconditional sincerity, to catch each other with shrimping sized nets when we fall, to feel heavyhearted, macabre and pessimistic and know that there is someone on the other side waving their arms and screaming, “I hear you. I feel you. I understand, and they actually mean it.

It was and still remains a wish that thyroid community’s band together to support and elevate each other. I don’t think I’ll ever give up on that notion. I believe there is strength in numbers. And I believe that that,  united strength has enough power to invoke change.

When I see thyroid communities embracing the business of thyroids without realizing that we thyroid patients fight it day in and day out because it’s an unfortunate consequence of the medical community, it incenses the fuck out of me.

When did egregious allegations with respect to each other’s endeavors without knowing the individuals behind that support group become acceptable? When did stealing each other’s core identity (brand) for personal gain become the norm? ,  When did joining the business of thyroids parley into a practice amongst the thyroid community? When did they forget that they are one of us? “When did this become a competition,” as the Editor-In-Chief, Liz Schau says.

Grow up and join us. We need you as much as you need us. Maintain your originality and respect other’s. False allegations accomplish nothing. If we are going to win the war against autoimmune disease, we can’t do it individually, but we can do it together, as a family. ,  Remember where you came from; a doctor’s office, a diagnosis and a life that was turned inside out and upside down. And one more thing: “What matters most is how well you walk through the fire…

And now onto this week’s searches;

  • Thyroid man – He can leap tall buildings in a single sweat, move bowels faster than a speeding bullet, lose hair more powerfully than a locomotive. Look, all around you, it’s a living, breathing human penis with a thyroid condition.
  • Does a goiter mean your thyroid is failing – Well, it sure as shit don’t mean it’s working for ya, darlin’; more like against you.
  • Flat tire – Dear Thyroid Auto Body? Hmm, I guess it does make sense in a weird ass way. Though, I would think a more targeted search like valve replacement, new starters and dropped my transmission would be more relevant. What the fuck do I know?!
  • Thyroid condition making my husband… – A prick? We know sugar bear. He doesn’t mean it, really he doesn’t, it’s his thyroid.
  • How long before supplements kick in – That’s rhetorical, right? I wouldn’t make a habit of clock watching or say anything like “I’m banking on (insert time frame) here”.
  • Now i m trace bitch – I see when we went glock shopping online today, we inadvertently landed on Dear Thyroid… how?!
  • Thyroid scars – Are bitchin’, word!
  • Baginas xxx – What is a bagina specifically? What makes it xxx? And why is it better than a VAgina?
  • Thyroid porne problems – First of all, the correct spelling of “Porne”, is “Porn”. Secondly, let’s talk titles; I’m thinking “Thymentiarella Did Dallas Twice”, “HypoBlowjob Impossible” and maybe “Thyroidectomized Vulvacademy”.
  • Can fumes affect your thyroid – As in huffing glue, Sharpies, or cans of Raid?
  • Do you have good days and bad days with thyroid disease – Are you new?!
  • What the hell…i don’t need my thyroid – Than remove it, honey, just make sure you do it under supervision.
  • If you have thyroid u is it ok to drink – To me this reads like you haven’t put the bottle down yet.
  • Healthy food for thyroid patience – Even though you mean “patients”, I’d like to address it as if you meant “Patience”. Therefore my answer is “There is no fucking food that will make your fucking thyroid exercise patience”.
  • Thyrode patient – Har. Loved the typo. “Thyrode”, sounds so bikeree-non-filter-hardcore-smoker-don’t-take-lip-from-nobody-I-beat-up-old-ladies-and-midgets-with-my-baseball-bat, yeah, I’m a bad ass thyrode.
  • What the fuck is throid – Dude, throid? Sweet nickname for the roid of thy.
  • Dirty thyroid – Who you tellin’?!
  • Thyroid pot stickers – Oh, Canibilarella, will you ever stop fantasizing about noshing on thyroids?!

Love,

Katie Schwartz

A couple of things to note:

If anyone has emailed me in the past two weeks at katie@dearthyroid.com and the email was kicked back to you, my email has been a bit wonky lately. Sorry about that. Please re-send your emails to dearthyroid@gmail.com. In the subject line write: “To Katie” or simply say, “I can’t fucking remember what that loud mouthed broad’s name is” or whatever the hell you want.

We received a very important note that we wanted to pass along regarding thyroid cancer: Hello all of my fellow THYCA people. As you know I don’t post usually, but this is very important to all of us. Please for all of you with health insurance or with out republican or democrat it doesn’t matter. We all have a pre-existing medical condition and if you loose your insurance or are underinsured we need change. A strong public option(it’s not government run) it gives the insurance companies someone that they have to compete with. Right now there isn’t any competition to bring down premiums or to stop denying coverage.We all need this. PLEASE PLEASE call your SENATORS and CONGRESSMEN and CONGRESSWOMEN before Tuesday of next week and tell them we need affordable coverage with no pre-existing conditions A Strong Public Option.   Please click to get involved and join the cause.

Speaking of community, if you haven’t joined the “Save Natural Thyroid“, community, I encourage you to do so. ,  Even though I can never take desiccated thyroid, I know that many of my thyrellas and thyfellahs need these medications to survive. The idea of them not having them is unconscionable to me. Similarly, I want thyroid patients to have as many treatments available to them as possible, just like I want us to have better medical treatment and health care (a girl can dream, can’t she).

Do not forget to check out this week’s thylicious Thyrants.

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17 Responses to “Marco Thylo: A Day Late, Hopefully Not A Dollar Short”

  1. Kathy says:

    Katie, as always you kick ass! I love your raw humor and the way that you just shout it out like it is, shit or not! You are IT girl! Thanks for always being there for me and everyone else!

  2. anita says:

    katie, katie, katie. you awe and amaze me. i swear woman, i love you from the depths of my unpredictably beating heart!!

    this quote from mr. b (who along with hemingway changed my life…) is THE perfect tag-line for me, now, here, with what i’m going thru at this exact moment. i’ve been trying to verbalize it in a perfect way, and you’ve helped me do so. you and charlie.

    after multiple surgeries, crazy thyroid reactions and another surgery on the way, i am very proud to say that i can walk at ALL!!!! but walk i do, dammit. i am exceeding all expectations and blowing minds in the medical community.
    because i don’t just walk thru the fire, i fucking own that shit! who’s house?? MY house!!

    and with regard to community, i’m a bit sheepish to pull a quote from a slightly less venerated author, stephen king, firestarter:

    the mind is a muscle that can move the world…

    we have the power to move this into a direction that serves US, not them. i feel a groundswell. let’s make this planet feel it too.

  3. Bee says:

    You, my dear are a breath of fresh air . Unfortunately, I have run across some thy-sites where moderators and founders use their so-called power to stifle the questions, disagreements or concerns of members by banishing without a reason.Possibly they had a “cross-turd” (a favorite expression of my ornery g’ma, love her) that day and just felt the need to exert power somewhere other than their irritable asshole. My thyroid might be screwed up but it sure as hell didn’t steal my integrity or ethics or desire to support my thyroid community . We are all in it to win it–with all the help we can possibly give each. But don’t think for a minute that I’m going to lay down and allow someone to betray a friend or steal an idea for personal gain. I wouldn’t have stood for it pre-hypo so why should I stand for it now?So for those other sites who have lost track of the ONLY reason their viable-because of the common cause of thyroid disease-they need to re-evaluate their responsibilities to the thyroid community. Do they really think they’ll be able to dodge that cosmic 2 x 4 when it hits them on the head ? Karma’s a bitch and those sites will shrivel by the wayside until they’re not even a memory.Honesty and truth will always prevail. Keep up the good work.I can think of no other site with whom I’d like to walk thru this fire.

  4. Mary Shomon says:

    Hallelujah, Katie.

    You said this so perfectly, and the timing couldn’t be better!

    I’m so in awe of everything you’ve accomplished, the many people you’ve helped, and the incredible voice you give to so many thyroid patients. And the humor and compassion your bring to your effort is so empowering.

    With gratitude…

    Mary

    P.S. You walk through the fire INCREDIBLY well!!!

  5. Jody T. says:

    Katie,
    well put darling! I just love reading your posts. I am majorly thankful that we have a place that accepts us with open arms! No matter how damaged we are. I, like others, had gone to other Thyroid sites and been pushed aside or my posts go unanswered. Never on this site and for that – I come back. I cannot wait for the next podcast as well. I am glad that we have a place to vent, scream and laugh. Dearthyroid is a good place. 🙂

  6. Lolly says:

    Dear Katie,

    I’ve been reading here for weeks now, and haven’t been able to pluck up the courage to reply to anything until today..
    This seems like a great Place to voice an opinion be it in humour or serious without any reprisals…
    I’ve got my toes burnt a few times for either saying what I felt was right at the time or even sticking up for fellow members, who IMOA were being bullied by other thyroid folk one in particular..I won’t go into the in and outs as that wouldn’t be fare.

    What I will say is that some places have forgotten what the common goal is and that is to try and help one another, no matter how many times they ask you, for fook sake we’ve all had that foggy brain at one time or another were we can’t remember are arse from our tit.

    I must be the worse one going, I mean who sits in the doctors reception area with two odd trainers on and I don’t mean white either, one black and one white, tries to conceal by hiding one leg behind the other, hoping that no-one had noticed, only to be called half an hour later, gets up with a bloody dead leg, trips so the whole fooking surgery sees it, goes into the Doctors who asks ” And what can I do for you today”, as he looks down at my odd trainers, trying to conceal a smile hell no a laugh, Gets his script pad out before I even utter a word.
    I wanted to try and explain but I couldn’t think of any explanation to why I had walked for 20 minutes, not even noticed until I arrived, I just asked him to write me up for those new pills I had heard of fucitol I hear there the new miracle drug.

    What I am trying to say, even though I have gone around the houses, (in the right trainers) we all need to work together to beat this shit… I was dx with Graves and GO back in 05 and it has been a struggle for me ever since, the one thing I have never lost sight off is we all need to help each other cus the docs sure as hell won’t (there are exceptions but I haven’t found one yet). And just a last point I have never lost my sense of humour the day I lose that is the day I have given up.

    I think your spot on and I love the way you write.

  7. Laura says:

    Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU for reminding me that I’m not the only one who feels like this!! Your sense of humor is so spot on & incredibly supportive. Thank you for “letting your thyroid speak!!”

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