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Marco Thylo and… Thyperimenirific Contest

Post Published: 01 October 2009
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Category: Humor Columns, Marco Thylo
This post currently has 5 responses. Leave a comment

This week’s Marco Thylo is thyperimenirific. We’ve partnered with Mary Shomon for our first official Thygraph contest. The winners will receive a free copy of Mary’s new book, “The Menopause Thyroid Solution“. And, and, and, Mary will be choosing the winners! Wait, it gets better. Because Mary values humor as much as we do at Dear Thyroid, she’s going to give away two additional books to the two funniest entries as well.

I know what you’re thinking, Dear Thyroid, get your shit together. You’ve been hocking a Thygraph contest for ages. Yes, I know. Believe it or not, I can be one thymentiarella from hella.  Don’t hate the playa, yo, hate the roid.

Here’s the dish on the contest:

We are looking for two types of Thygraph submissions:

Thyperimenarellas (Dames going through thyroid perimenopause)

Thymenirellas (Dames going through thyroid menopause)

In 500 words or less, submit Thygraphs that speak to some aspect of thyroid or “Gee, is this thyroid” perimenopause and, or,  menopause, dishing it up as you see fit; edgy, irreverent, sad, or funny, you know how we do on Dear Thyroid, anything goes.

A few ideas to get your thyliterary juices flowing: Wacky periods, non-existent sex-drive, weight gain, sleep problems, moodiness, hot flashes, night sweats, anything that you’re experiencing that feels thyroid perimenopause-ee or menopause-ish. Get it? Got it? Great!

Submit all your Thyrgraphs to Dearthyroid@gmail.com. In the subject line write “Perimenopause Submission” or “Menopause Submission”. We will post each Thygraph we receive on Thursday, October 8th. The winner will be announced on Thursday, October 15th.

To find out more about The Menopause Thyroid Solution, check out Menopause Thyroid, the companion website.

Onto this week’s Dear Thyroid searches and yes, there is a trend:

  1. Hi ass: Hi Prick Pie.
  2. Pin up sodas: Yes, our pin up dames are quite refreshing in that rehydrating kind of way, aren’t they? Conversely, if this is our resident cannibalarella, I’m surprised you didn’t search for “Thyroid pin up soda recipes”.
  3. “Public option: As in health care? We’re all waiting with baited breath. I don’t think thyroid disease patients and autoimmune disease patients, et al.  would feel blue about reduced medical expenses and affordable scrip’s for medications, would they?
  4. Inserting base ball bat in asses: As a means to treat a thyroid psychotic? Or as a non-surgical procedure for thyroidectomies? Or just for kicks?
  5. Thyroid, self esteem: As if, newbie. The two ain’t synonymous (at least in my case). We’ve also,  come up on this search a few times.
  6. Saturday night special Annie Sprinkle: WORD. Annie Sprinkle is one of my favorite people. She is the epitome of reinventing oneself by one’s own design. She’s one hell of a dame and very inspiring. All of that being said, I’m not sure how a search for Annie led to Dear Thyroid, but I can tell ya this, I am superty honored that it did.
  7. Graves disease mental fuck: No shit.

A new Tales From Thyietnam with special guest, Kairol Rosenthal, Thyroid cancer patient, thyroid cancer patient advocate and author of the book, “Everything Changes” will be out shortly. We apologize, I apologize for the delay.

If you missed our first installation of Tales From Thyietnam with special guest, Mary Shomon, you simply must download it.

Do not forget to enter the Perimenopause and Menopause Thygraph contest, which begins riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight NOW. Write. Write. Write.

Love,

Katie

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5 Responses to “Marco Thylo and… Thyperimenirific Contest”

  1. Bee says:

    as l lounged in my deep,bubble-filled tub with the room softly aglow in candlelight and red wine glass in hand, I breathed deeply of the aromatherapy air willing myself to relax—-i was distracted by the mound of flesh arising from the glorious heather scented bubbles; but in my haze -and brain all afog from the heady scents swirling around me -I had no immediate cognition of who or what that mound was.

    Then as the synapses in my brain began to communicate, realization set in—Holy Shit that mound of flesh is my stomach and it looks like a fucking manatee.

    I thought that Northrup lady and Oprah said that was just the thing for the ‘pause—are you fucking kidding me? Have they actually looked at their menpausal bodies in the mirror? note to Oprah and the good dr. wait til the foggy mirror clears and stand in front of it with your eyes actually OPEN-you’ll be hitting that wine bottle, or 2, a little harder after that image. I now understand why my friend- in the throes of the mother of all power surges-tore her shirt off in the prescrition line at the local pharmacy and threw herself spread eagle on the cold linoleum floor while waiting for her Synthroid and Prempro to be filled.

    As I blew out all the candles, pulled the drain, and slunk out of the tub-feeling for my towel in the dark , I realized 2 things: 1) darkness is my friend and 2) there might not be enough valium ,xanax, prempro or synthroid on this planet that will prepare me for the road ahead…I guess this is what it means to punt…

  2. Bee says:

    Ijust want y’all to know how very bad my brain frog(not a typo…it sounds so much better than ‘fog’) is this week—-ya see, I’m having a Hashi’s hyper swing…my fingers got itchy…i needed to write …write i did…did i see the part where it said submissions should be posted to an internet site?—
    I’ve done shamed myself again—what will this disease make me do next?! So just speak among your ownselves and ignore the above submission====please

  3. Cyndi Woodruff says:

    Bee—
    I LOVE your writing….so I don’t care where you post it. You are amongst your thysistas here, so this is your safe place!!! We will always understand and love you!

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