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Thymenirella, Hypothyroid, And So Over Your Ass
Dear Thyroid,
So, I’m in the midst of menopause, enjoying the “power surges” as they are a part of life (RIGHT?), working 2 jobs, raising 2 teenagers without the help of the sperm provider who contributed to the other half of their gene pool (I believe he was on girlfriend #4 or 5 at the time) and losing weight. Could I actually be one of “The lucky ones” whose hormones decided to right their wrong in the midst of my incredible stress and help me finally achieve the body I’d always wanted? Life was good and I was enjoying the ride.
Then, strange things began to happen. You played your game brilliantly, at first, with just enough hints to let me know something was up; but you were subtle enough to stay below the radar while you prepared your full frontal attack. It never dawned on me that my short term memory problem (loss) was your doing. Since I couldn’t personally hear my slurred speech (and my family and co-workers were “kind” enough not to point it out) and, ALL thought I was drinking on the job, it didn’t matter. And the too numerous to mention “Shampoo in the fridge, milk in the pantry” episodes were just silly menopausal moments; life continued. Even when my hoarse voice and sore throat prevented me from speaking every night, we still found that silver lining—I was no longer adding incessant commentary during baseball and football games and my husband liked this.
It was easy to ignore the symptoms: The hair loss was taken in stride because I’d been given a head full, and the thinning brows didn’t bother me because I never paid that much attention to them anyway. I was a little concerned at the 4 pubic hairs left on my nether regions, but it worked in my favor because I finally had the bikini body I hadn’t had in ,oh, say, 30 yrs.
Life went on until the day it almost didn’t. Not getting that yet? Let me refresh your memory—
Remember the day I got to work, but wasn’t sure how I MADE IT THERE? I do remember running that curb and almost T-boning that car on the drive in. And Oh, I do remember that my eyelids had been swollen shut that morning (as they had for many, many previous mornings, blamed salt on that problem). When my husband of 1 yr. got me to the doctor, everyone was sure I was having a stroke. My BP 195/110 on meds. I had that glazed, dazed and totally confused look on my face when someone was speaking. “Dr. is that you?” I tried to speak, but, alas, only Dr. Spock would’ve understood as it all sounded like Vulcan. Short version: TSH of 40, severe hypothyroidism. Guess you forgot to consult my heart when you decided to run rampant through my innards, you know, you both could’ve possibly worked out a better game to play TOGETHER as you were sharing the same body. Remember those two valves we had to replace in the “Main engine’ (my heart) back in ’00? You, my new nemesis, couldn’t have brought heart palpitations to a worse patient.
So, no driving for 2 weeks, which meant no work, no paycheck. Take this pill and your world will be A-OK. Are you kiddin’ me? I dutifully took “The pill” and watched in amazement as my body began morphing into someone I had yet to meet. As the weight began piling on, you forgot to tell my pancreas and liver to just relax and give the body some time to adjust.
Here’s a hint, you all need some better internal communication. By the time you inflated me to 60 pounds in 4 months, my liver was a quiverin’ and my pancreas was a kickin’ my ample ass. I had no idea how freaked out doctors could get when they had to deal with one patients out-of-whack lab results every time they were reviewed.
One month, it was the cardiac labs askew, then the liver decided to get cranky, pancreas comes and goes. Not wanting to be left out, the bowels enlarge and return to normal. They had to take their turn, too. I am hoping that we can come to some kind of resolution soon where we learn to get along.
In the interim, you may want to review your own role in giving a patient his/her symptoms. My research has informed me that hypothyroidism should cause weight gain, fatigue, dry skin, you, know the, drill. And hyperthyroidism should do just the opposite. I don’t mean to be telling you how to do your job or anything, but since you’ve already screwed around with me like the ultimate science experiment, I’m here to inform you that you’ve also given me ALL the hypothyroid symptoms when my TSH was in the hyperthyroid range, along with some of the hyperthyroid symptoms as well.
Geez, no offense or anything, but you must’ve been standing in the back of the line when they were passing out instructions to you thyroid glands on how to fuck up a person’s life. You’re an embarrassment to your gland!!! You, my gland, seem to want to play the “Dumber” role in the “Dumb and Dumber” game of life.
So, even though I am presently in the way low hyper TSH range, I’m bloated and gassy and as irritable as a hooker on a nickel night. I’m also getting a very strong urge to howl at the moon; possibly because I find it intriguing to wake at 2:14 am, SHARP.
And thanks for that great moustache you’ve given me; I’m a girl, by the way. Maybe you could ask your hair follicle friends to send a little love to the pubic region. And since we’re discussing strange symptoms and your active role in them; what’s with the sweating? Could you possibly tell the sweat glands to try spewing juice from the arm pits instead of my head, neck, chest and ass? I would find it much easier to explain to the concerned citizens in my circle about armpit sweat instead of the sweat pouring buckets down my face. They all want to rush my ass to the ER and I’ve seen enough of doctors to last a lifetime. Thanks but no thanks.
I’d really love to say – “See you later, sucka”, but knowing your inability to comprehend the normal order of life’s events-and realizing that I’ve been given the only thyroid gland with bipolar disorder and ADHD, I’ll sign off by saying: See ya sooner AND later!
Billie
PS- Maybe you could talk it over with some of my skin cells and have them put a big welt across my forehead that reads; “I’ve got a glandular condition”. It would save me a lot of energy trying to explain my present appearance.
(Bio) 57 y/o female with a zest for life when I’m not zesting for a nap or retirement or a trim figure or a large disposable income; also, a 57 y/o female who abhors people feeling sorry for me, but adores people who want to rub my feet.
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22 Responses to “Thymenirella, Hypothyroid, And So Over Your Ass”
Leave a Reply to Vicki
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Billie, your writing rocks! I wonder if there IS a nice normal thyroid out there that could teach our thyroids a lesson or two. I’d gladly send my thyroid to camp for an entire summer if it would work! I wish that my doctor(s) would freak out at test results once in awhile; maybe I would have found out all this crap a long time ago. Howl at the moon; howl here. We’re howlin’ with ya! Wahhh-oooo!
Bee,
What can I say I’m sure we’re fucking related in some way.
I can so relate to your great letter except for the 4 Pubic hairs I haven’t been able to see mine not for the want of trying. Note to self get a fucking tummy tuck.
And you know what Sis I ain’t going to feel sorry for you, I have enough pity parties for myself your welcome to join anytime, and if ever you’re up for that foot rub I’m your gal as long as you don’t mind sweaty palms.
I know it’s so difficult day in day out trying to get the right balance hells it’s hard enough trying to stand up let alone balance, but as at friend I so want you to feel better than you are at present.
Although your letter if full of humour I can read between the lines. what a truly great letter. I’ve been trying to do one myself but am stuck fast. Brain isn’t working so well at the moment.
Bee ya knows I love ya happy healing.
Lollyxox
Love it! Great letter. I lost weight right at diagnosis, too, unsure why (some before, some after the “little pill”). And with Hashi’s have a mix of symptoms too. Ain’t life gland? I’m glad you got diagnosed before well…not making it–sounds like it was quite serious there for awhile. Keep kicking it!
Billie,
Holy crow sister……TSH of 4o?! Yet you live. You must be one tough lady. I had a 7.35 and thought the world AND my body were coming to an end.
YOU are my hero. No feeling sorry here, just complete admiration. Don’t explain your appearance to anyone. No one looks perfect when their fighting a war.
I have no doubt that you will win.
Loved your letter! Very well written! Amy
I’m with what each of the others above had said. I stand and applaud your letter, for saying out loud in your face thyroid – what we all wish or want to say.
I was losing weight faster than you can say boo when I was first diagnosed. I was like huh? are you sure – run those suckers again will ya! Sure enough still showing HYPO with symptoms along with HYPER and symptoms. I swear our thyroid glands missed the boat, the meeting, hell the whole conference on what not to do!!
Strangely, well gratefully, I’ve learned more from all of your letters, about this disease we all face and battle daily. Things I had never attributed to my diseased thyroid (now gone – and yet still kicking my ass) – i’m finding out now were because of that assbackward gland!
I’m still HYPO despite 10 weeks out from a TT. Symptoms are worse now then before the dang thing came out – but come out it had to – it went and got cancer just to really mess with me a little bit more; it’s own parting shot I guess.
I too see the mirth in your letter and laugh, feel sorry for you I do not, but I can read between the lines and know the disgust, defeat (sometimes), the anger at feeling so cruddy that you barely recognize your self sometimes, and explaining to everyone else around you – because a chore – hell I am just understanding it all, hard to “summarize” it for those who look at me like I’ve got six heads, or think in a word “suck it up”. GRRRRRR half the time I want to tell them to F**** off! They’ve haven’t a clue and I hope they never will.
Hang in there thyroid sis, I’ve been through menapause at 29, a TT at 45 – damn if this body ain’t hell on wheels sometimes. Yet, I stand up and proclaim – I will NOT be defeated! (I just don’t raise my arms above my head – you know pit sweats).
Hang in there and the very best is believed and wished for you
I am always amazed with everyones stories, wondering if they’re all made up because there couldnt be that much crulety in the world. Now that im two weeks in and thyroid and cancer free, and changing every day, I do realize this is real life and it all sucks, but as EVERY one has told me, over and over again “Love it or leave it, whats the alternative, its the best kind of cancer to get, (screw them all ) i guess I will remember to tell them all that when their in our shoes. I share all your worries and whooooos and hope the sister hood can get us all through this with our sanity in tacked cause right now I feel crazy. so all aborad the train or boat to crazy town……
oh and did I tell you all that 5 yrs ago I had gastric bypass surgery and lost 200 lbs and now everyone is telling me the weight gain is coming , OH HELL NO< not again it aint gonna happen to me again…I take all the other shit but not the weight gain again….been there done that one already
Billie great letter. TSH of 40! That sounds utterly awful. Mine went to 20 before they figured it out although I have to take the responsibility of postponing the blood tests they told me to take.
I was a bit confused. TSH of 40 is incredibly high so your thyroid was incredibly low. How in the world did you get to be hyper thyroid? Did the Hashi’s go away and leave you with taking synthroid with a suddenly normal thyroid? That’s a really scary thought. Or did they prescribe too much synthroid? My endo was really afraid of doing that, with the result that I was undermedicated for several months.
Hang in there. I’ve never been quite the same since my Graves but I’m sort of normal again. Eventually lost the weight, bp and cholesterol are good. I just look a bit scary sometimes and get muscle cramps that noone can explain. I’d say I’m 95 % better which isn’t bad considering I had a fatal illness.
Zari
Zari- I hate you in a loving way because you said those magic words: I “eventually lost the weight”. Kudos=I’m still working on that. As to the LOW thyroid function, high TSH then LOW TSH-it kinda went like this: rapid weight loss pre diagnosis, hypo symptoms begin to manifest, weight piles on, Dx’d hypo with that incredibly high TSH, started synthroid at a LOW dose and had to work up slowly due to heart condition—then, body decided to respond to meds quickly causing TSH to plummet–I’ve only beem euthyroid for about 2 min. in 3 yrs. Now we’re on the downward spiral of slowly lowering my med dose because I’m stuck in hyperville w/ all the hypo sympotms—the best guess is that i’m one of those oddities-a Hashi’s hypo w/ no antibodies and no nodules, just a thyroid gland that looks like shag carpet on U/S- I’m currently doing the TSH shuffle again so back to the docs tomorrow
Thanks to all you wonderful supportive souls. I must say seeing my letter here today and reading your comments has caused me to have an uplifting moment. I am presently feeling like crap and all of you read between the lines very well. I’ve been so tired , cranky, bitchy,swollen etc. the last few days that I’m going back to the dr’s a couple wks early.I didn’t even get on the internet yesterday which is unusual as I tend to use you all as my social activity. Your support means so much and thanks for it w/out the pity. As always, I will strive to find the humor in this—as in the moment Sunday night after crabbing around the house all day and my new husband ( of 3 yrs whose been my support thru my thyroid journey entirely) sheepishly looked at me and with love in his eyes asked if it wasn’t about time for me to get my blood checked again…I then lovingly looked at him and told him to kiss my ass..we both laughed at that one.
Hi Bee,
I got you and Billie confused for a moment but now it makes sense.
I’ve got a friend named John who every time they test him has a brand new result. I guess his hypo just comes and goes, with a result that the right dose of synthroid is constantly changing. It doesn’t seem to affect him as dramatically however.
Once more it shows I was lucky I guess. No thyroid left, so it can’t play games with my dosage. Personally I don’t think they’ve ever found the exact right one but about 220 of synthroid a day keeps the TSH at about 0.5
Actually I’ve lost the weight a couple of times now in the last 4 years. Hopefully I won’t have to do it again. I don’t know how I would have managed it however with fluctuations like you describe.
This was one of the reasons they gave me the I131-the doctor said efforts to control my thyroid gland while having Graves were not likely to work very well.
Hang in their and thanks for the reply
Zari.
My kids used to just tell me I look dingy and should get another test. Often after I had yelled at them for something.
Zari
Zari—i am billie