Thywheel Of Torture
That little breakdown in the middle of the shopping centre may have let our secret out. It wasn’t a big scene, but people generally notice a woman in her 30’s with the shakes, tears running down her face and the expression that says ‘impending doom approaches’.
I feel helpless to prevent it and weak for not doing so, since anyone I’ve spoken with while sick seems to, either have these symptoms but controls them or just doesn’t believe me. There are, apparently plenty undiagnosed thyroid disease patients, so perhaps they are right, perhaps I am weak for not being able to control it. My readings are all at the high end. I’m not low on T4 or T3. Perhaps it is all in my head and I am just looking for attention. Perhaps I am just a faulty model.
Feel anxious, frozen, frightened, fat, alone, nauseous, lazy, unintelligent, unattractive, achy, confused, unworthy, alone alone; like everything I’ve built over the last 18 months with various ups and downs is crumbling and I can do nothing but watch — and no-one to talk to.
Your only friend,
P.S. Why did my throat hurt so much last week and why isn’t my brain working? I need to study dammit!
P.P.S screw it, maybe I’ll just have a couple of drinks so I can sleep it all away for now.
(Bio) I am a 33 year old Australian. I am not married and have no children yet. For a living, I am an office manager and when not working I am studying towards a Bachelor of Commerce (Financial Planning) and managing my holiday rental. Goodness – that sounds so much more orderly than the reality!