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The Winner of the Lightbulb Marco Thylo Contest Is…

Post Published: 29 October 2009
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Category: Humor Columns, Thyroid humor column
This post currently has 32 responses. Leave a comment

Halloween is upon us. I happen to love Halloween. Because I have Graves’ Opthalmopathy and I’m a sphere on mini-stilts (5’4), I am a walking costume. I can go to parties, if I choose to, as a pissed off Graves’ disease patient. I can work my fat rolls hard and poppin’ lady balls, word!

To celebrate Halloween, we are running another contest. Here’s the deal:

I want your scariest, creepiest, no-fucking-way, endocrinologist yarn in 200 words or less. Please leave your answers in comments. The winner will receive any t-shirt they wish from the Dear Thyroid store.

Because my father came up with the last contest, and he’s such an advocate for Dear Thyroid, he will choose the winner.

You are the most thyilliant community I know, so I know you will spin some fierce yarns. In the event you’re not sure what to write, e-stalk me, and we’ll discuss.

The winner of the last Marco Thylo Contest is;

6. M: Oh, we couldn’t possibly change it on our own. There would probably be a specialist brought in to assess the situation, a surgeon saying ‘take it out’, a doctor saying ‘leave it in’, friends would drop by to say ‘it looks fine to me’ or ‘it’s changed already just get over it and move on’. We’d need our family close by for moral support and we’d probably need to log on to ‘Dear Lightbulb’ regularly to purge our pent up feelings of frustration, turmoil and regret at ever setting eyes on the screwy little bulb in the first place;-)

CONGRATULATIONS!!! Yahoo. You won. Now, my child, click over to the Dear Thyroid store and choose whatever you wish. Afterwards, email Katie with your chosen item and your mailing address. Are we clear?

To everyone, your entries were FANTASTIC as always! You’re all winners in my book.

Until next week, I remain;

Katie Louie Schwartz

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32 Responses to “The Winner of the Lightbulb Marco Thylo Contest Is…”

  1. BEE says:

    my fav amidst all the brilliant responses—YAY!!!!!

  2. Robyn says:

    Mine too. Especially the “Dear Lightbulb” part. Snarf.

  3. Hey – are we really talking about light bulbs here?? 😉

  4. BEE says:

    Jody-whoops! my bad…this was the place we were supposed to leave our horrid endo stories wasn’t it? so sorry…ignore me…I am easily distracted momentarily

  5. I am laughing now. 🙂

  6. Lolly says:

    My favourite too. Congrats M.

  7. Robyn says:

    I know that this contest is about bad endo stories. I’m gonna shake it up, because that’s how I roll. I *do* have a bad (unbelievably bad) ENT story, but I am gonna PRAISE my endo here. Two of them, actually.

    I met Joe at a horse show, the dressage BLM finals, in 2008. His wife is a good friend and fellow competitor. At the time, I knew he was an MD, that’s it. I talked with them about their beloved dog, Jules, who had recurrent allergic otitis. I did a quick exam, offered a simple idea, and she’s been healthy ever since. Seven months later, I was in tears with him on my cell phone because an ENT told me I had a thyroid tumor, and a week later told me I had nothing wrong with me. He talked to me on the phone for 30 minutes (he is in VA, I am in NC), listened to every detail of the tests I’d had, and told me he was 90% sure I had Hashimoto’s. Then he told me the names of 2 endos in NC that he had heard good things about. Six weeks later, I met Dr. Denis Becker–a sweetheart of a man that promised me that no matter what, he would always listen. He would listen to me, not my numbers. He wanted me to FEEL better. He gave me averages, he gave me usual courses of treatment, and when my disease turned out to be (typically!) atypical, he acknowledged my frustration, said we’d have to be patient, and explained how difficult he realized that would be. He called me personally after my first labs to discuss them and his thoughts at 6:30 at night. His office/staff is a complete disorganized surly mess, unfortunately, but I try not to hold that against him.
    So, I know that here, on this blog, we bitch and moan–and I embrace that fully (and plan to do a whole lot more of it in the near and distant future). I also know that even with this shitty disease I am luckier than many because I found a diagnosis, and have a doctor I trust. And I pledge that I will stand by each of you while you tell your stories, and hold out hope that you will find YOUR good doctors.

  8. m says:

    thanks all:)
    can’t wait to read all your endo stories, i don’t have an endocrinologist so i’ve got nothing this time. Ah well, i’m off T-shirt shopping….. m:)

  9. ok a bit off topic – but how do you get little avatars. I want and avatar and I want one now! Oh , and and oompaa loompa! 🙂 can someone help me figure it out?

  10. Thy_r88gous says:

    Ok here is the worst thing i can think of…
    My brand new, 1st ever, endo walked into the room and said “so, you have graves disease, you know why this happened dont you? You had that baby!” WTF kind of introduction is that???? Seriously WTF?????????? That baby??? She didnt say hello, how are you, F.U. nothing! She just saw my file from the other dr. and blamed my graves disease on my 1 yr old daughter, and she was totally up in my face when she said it. like she wanted to fight or something. Now im fairly sure that if it was from my daughter it would be called postpartum thyroiditis or some shit not graves disease. Any ways, How dare that bitch blame anything on my 1 yr old. i mean if thats what she wanted to do she could have blamed it on being pregnant or a pregnancy complication or some shit but not my daughter. I went back once more and then she gave me PTU and i never took them and i never went back and she hasent called to check on me so……fuck her.
    o i could go on and on, but u said 200 words or less and i dont wanna count that high so i will stop for now. maybe i will write later. Is that ok if we submit more than 1 story?

  11. Kathy says:

    The scariest thought about MY endo visit?!..I have such PTSD-post traumatic stress disorder from that visit that I have panic attacks. The absolutely creepiest part of the visit was the way she kept washing her hands..enter the room…wash her hands-well, that’s good you say. Then, shake my hand-wash her hands, oops-brushed my leg-wash her hands, touch my arm-wash her hands, touch my neck-wash her hands..OK..everybody..you get it..sing along..feel my thyroid..wash her hands..I felt like I had leprosy. Maybe it was because I look and feel like a zombie, sometimes.. I could imagine her in a pointed black hat, but maybe I’m the one who should be wearing that..(hear me cackle)! he…he..he..

  12. Bee says:

    fired the last Dr because he had his head up his ass.Called to make an appt. with a highly regarded endo. Asked to speak with Drs’ nurse to ask some screening questions to make sure we were all on the same page. Her most important tidbit of info was that the Dr. DID prescribe the natural thyroid I’d been on for 3 mos.Scheduled new pt appt.and U/S for 2 mos. Told that they’d send new pt paperwork via e-mail.No paperwork arrived.
    Appt. day arrived. Took afternoon off work. Went early to fill out paperwork .Waited and waited-2 .5 hrs I waited. No one apopogized for the wait of
    course.Diabetics were steaming in and out of that office like a knife thru butta.
    The 3rd time I questioned my wait the girl asked my name, she looks at me and says we don’t have you on the schedule for an appt or an U/S/ WTF? Blood begins to boil,brain begins to seize up.They’ll fit me in…Aren’t I special? I get to room.A lovely PA takes a 20 minute detailed history and does a neat-o physical exam. Armed with my life’s story I feel like I’m finally in good hands. Endo-(overweight and from a culture of vegetarians, shorter than me, and obviously by her expression is having a much worse day than me-)stomps in. No hand shaking.NO introductions.
    She looks at me and says right out of the box, I DO NOT PRESCRIBE the medication you’re on. Excuse me,I say? That was the only reason I made the appt , took the afternoon off work, and waited 2 mos to see you.Your office staff and PA assured me you did prescribe this med. “I don’t and i won’t and you’re changing meds now.:Plus, you have Hashimoto’s and a goiter”.Excuse me Dr. but you haven’t palpated my neck. “I don’t care..80% of all hypo is Hashi’s and you have it. And I can see a goiter.”
    But I have no antibodies, no nodules. “I told you what your illness is. I’m the doctor. And I’m stopping your sleep meds.” What? I haven’t been able to sleep w/out them since diagnosis. “I’m taking you off all sleep meds.I don’t like them. You can’t sleep because you’re fat. You need to see a nutritionist.” But Dr, I didn’t get fat til I got hypo and I didn’t have sleep problems til I got hypo.
    “HAshi’s only causes 10 -15 # weight gain-you eat too much and that’s why your fat.I’m also sending you for diabetic counselling.” But Dr. I’m not diabetic. “You will be because you verging on obesity. Come back after you’ve seen the counselors. Take this new pill .”
    U/sTech FITS ME IN and says at least you have no nodules. Waited 3 wks. for lab results…finally went to office demanding them…as the dr. hadn’t reviewed them yet they told me I couldn’t have them. With controlled anger seeping in waves around my fang teeth, I firmly stated I wasn’t leaving their front counter until the dr. either looked at my labs IMMEDIATLY or they were given to me and she could call with the results. I began directly the diabetics to kindly step around me as this one MY spot at the counter and I wasn’t leaving it til I got results.I then informed them of the HIPAA laws. Labs came. U/S report was “read”by tech…no nodules seen.No diabetic counselor or nutritionist (both conveniently located in their practice to the tune of$1000.00 out-of-pocket expenses) were seen. Dr.Moron was no longer seen. Sleep meds were not DC’d.
    ____________________________
    I have many more but I don’t think you all have heard this one yet.

  13. Lolly says:

    The Scarest part about my endo was when he told me i was cured come back when you’ve lost weight.

    He was a creepy looking man reminded me of Scrooge don’t ask me why, on first impressions I knew I wasn’t going to get much joy with him. I could just tell but well I would give it my best shot.

    He shook my hand, wiped it on his trousers and introduced himself I am Dr fuckery and I will be here to make you feel worse…I sat down while he fiddled with the computer bringing up my previous labs Hmmm yes, “are you taking your meds”, he asks.. “why of course I am”,..” it’s just you see some patients are not very compliant and don’t take them properly”. I assured him I was taken my medication regular as clock work twice a day..”Twice a day, why aren’t you taking it once a day as precribed” 40 mg is alot to take in one go splitting the dose ensures I have a good amount over 24 hours,” never heard that one before..Oh dear he’s going to have me committed any minute now, how can I get out of this, will I ever get out this room alive.

    Let me feel your neck (oh, no he wants to strangle me,) I just want to feel if you have any lumps..I can see your goiter is big..He feels quite gentle which is reassuring so he isn’t going to strangle me, he spends a load of time on the right side..Hmmm I wish he would stop humming it was getting on my nerves your neck feels very lumpy your right side doesn’t feel right..would you mind if I referred you to my colleague an ENT surgeon called Mr. Frankenstein I send all my thyroid patients to him he loves to cut there necks open..OMFG I’ve been here 10 minutes and already he is planning my demise.
    That’s not all he said he would give me 9 months on the ATD’s and then take me off them..WTF not only had I got the bigest Jerk going I also must have been at the wrong clinic I aksed is this maternity.
    I did see him up until 10 months each time we had difference of opinions last time I saw him he said right you can take your meds every other day 5mg and then stop them well up yours mate I continued for a few more months reducing as low as 1.25 mg by splitting my meds, good job I could get labs when I wanted to with my own dr’s surgery I finally stopped, but in the meantime I was seeing his colleague Mr F..On my last visit to see him, he was polite enough, on the way out he said well you are discharged now come back if you start losing weight you’re cured. I just laughed to myself as I slammed the door behind me and never looked back. I never saw him again, and if I had of lost weight he would be the last person I would want to see..He retired last year a new younger endo has taken his place and so far he is on trial for me.

  14. Robyn says:

    Is it *just* endos, or are all doctors pretty much giant pricks? I asked myself this the other day. I was talking to my friend Joe (the endo I referenced above) about doctors in general based on this site and others I’ve seen. I told him I thought the system was broken. He said, “You have no idea how broken it is, baby!”. I almost pissed myself.
    It’s difficult for me to gauge, because I have many friends who are also my MDs. Most were my friends BEFORE they were MDs, and, lets face it, I’m sure I get better care as a result. I seem to have had mostly good luck so far when it comes to the medical profession, because I either know them personally, or have been referred to them by someone I know personally.
    Except my ENT. He was a PRICK (in all caps). I thought about filing a complaint with the board. I decided not to, but I did get the last laugh. I called all my friend/docs (internist, gyn, OB, ortho, and GP) told them my experience and what an ASSHAT he is, and they took him off their referral lists, and told THEIR doc friends to do the same. Take that ASSHOLE. Fuck with me and I’ll take away your paycheck.

  15. BEE says:

    Compilation list of some of the scary things said to me by doctors since hypo diagnosis:
    1)Dr. , I keep gaining and gaining weight and I am only eating 1000-1200 cal./day.Dr. says:” it’s not from your thyroid…you only gain 10 -15 lbs. from hypo. Was your mother fat?” me:She’s a little chubby but she’s 82. Dr.:” that’s why your fat. It’s genetic”. me: Sorry, Doc, but genetic or not I shouldn’t have RAPID weight gain eating that amount of food. Dr.:”Well, I guess you’re going to have to stop eating”.
    2)Dr says “you’re taking too many meds. You’ve read about Heath Ledger, right? ” me: but they’re for my thyroid disease, BP, and sleep. Dr’says:” I won’t give you Lunesta anymore. In fact, I want you to get your insomnia care from only your sleep doctor because I don’t want to be responsible for your possible accidental overdose. But I do want to put you on antidepressants.” me: HUH? Isn’t that just going to add MORE meds to the mix….?
    3) Dr says when i pull out a list of questions:”If you think I’m going to answer those you may want to consider finding another doctor.”
    4) I called and asked the next doctor if he would give me clearance to go see a diet Dr. I told him no “speed” was going to be used, just twice weekly weigh-ins and B12 shots and careful monitoring of my calorie intake. He said:” sure come by my office and pick up your clearance letter in the morning.” I picked up the letter from him the next morning and he looks at me and says:” that man is going to kill you. Have a nice day.”
    —————————————————————
    and it just keeps going On and On and ON…

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