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Marco Thylo Are You Thytarded?

Post Published: 19 November 2009
Author:
Category: Column, Humor Columns, Thyroid humor column
This post currently has 13 responses. Leave a comment

Recently, it occurred to me just how many parallels there are in our “real” lives that intersect our diseases.

For example, we’ve been having issues with our .org email addresses. I can receive .org email, but I can’t respond via .org. This makes me feel constipated, like my intestines are stockpiling shit and my puckered rectum is begging for an explosion. Hello Hypo!

The other night when I was on my way to meet my brother, I was stuck in traffic hate traffic. Encircled by cars, most so frustrated, they revved their engines and forced their way past other cars. As if they had to go first, these drivers needed to be right. Hello endocrinologist!

I have a vintage car. I should get rid of it, but I can’t. I love it too much. Lately, it’s been overheating unless I crank the fuckin’ heater. Overheating throws the entire engine off and can ruin your car, requiring an engine overhaul. Hello Hyper!

In what ways do your lives intersect with your disease? Discuss!

This week’s searches:

  1. Condoms graves eye disease: unless you’re planning to fuck my lady balls, which you do not have permission to do, I highly doubt you’ll need a condom. Don’t worry, it’s not contagious. Dumb ass.
  2. “What am I new?” This is one of my favorite sayings. I say it all the time. So glad Dear Thyroid came up for this.
  3. “You have been targeted for termination. “Do you have a WII game in mind for us to terminate our thyroids?
  4. Another way to be deliciously: Thylicious? Thyempowered? Or eaten?
  5. Can u bye home thyroid kits: This is a good un’. The typo is tits bye because it’s so ironic in this context. Who wouldn’t love to find goodbye, please home thyroid kits?!
  6. Endocriminologist: Aren’t they all? Just kidding, not all of them. Unfortunately, most of them. We love good endocrinologist yarns.
  7. Eating dairy creates glue: In your intestines? I’ll leave that one for Liz. However, I will say this, dairy bungs me up big time unless I’ve been a good vegan soldier and have a little dairy, than my ass is a three ring circus.
  8. feeling like shit on thyroxine: Hey, good news, you’ll feel like shit on Synthroid, Armour and Nature-throid, too. Happy?
  9. Glutitch: Sounds like a Dear Thyroid Glossary word, right?
  10. Goiter when to go to the emergency room: When you can’t fucking breathe or when you feel like it’s choking you. Scratch that. Go now, right now.
  11. How can your thyroid mess your body up: How can’t it is the question.
  12. How to cure roid rage: Ha! Good one.
  13. How to fuck your thyroid: “That’s the beauty of thyroid diseases and thyroid cancers, we get to fuck ourselves. Think of it is thysturbation.
  14. I am too fat for this shit: “Who you tellin?! Most of us are. All of us who are HATE IT and feel the same way. Welcome home, honey buns.

Dear Thyroid Offline Support Updates

Do not forget, tomorrow night, two of our fabulous dames will be meeting up in Pembroke, MA @ 6:30 PM.

Chicago, what’s up, yo? We have five fabulous dames ready to roll. Do we have a date scheduled? Any other Chicago Dear Thyroidians care to join?

Raleigh, what’s up, yo? We have two kick ass broads ready to roll. Where are we at? Any other Thyrellas care to join?

To find out more about offline support and to get your city listed, please click here. If you want to meet up in any of the cities already listed, email Katie with your email address and location.

Finally, if you haven’t read Chronic Babe’sPatients for a Moment” line up, please do. There are some unbelievable stories that are inspiring, heartbreaking and funny all of them are so life affirming.

Love,

Me

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13 Responses to “Marco Thylo Are You Thytarded?”

  1. Robyn says:

    OMG, these are priceless this week. I never understood where these came from, although my blog has had few doozies lately, and now I get it!

    My faves: 1) endocriminologist. PRICELESS. I will be forwarding this to my friend/endo and he will probably pee on himself.
    2) how to fuck your thyroid. LOVE THIS. Now, if only I had a libido, I might be able to tell you! 🙂

  2. Robyn says:

    By the way, where did you get that kick ass picture of me for the blog today? 😉

  3. yodat/Jody says:

    I am definately a Curvey Cutie! Now when are we all going on parade? #7 and #14 are probably my favs. “I am to fat for this shit” really resonates with me for some reason. Mainly because I think of it in relation to my Hashimoto’s. I am too fat for all the symptoms! LOL 😉

  4. katie says:

    Robyn;

    When you check searches for your blog, isn’t it a fucking riot to see what comes up? It kills me.

    Loved endocrimionologist. I think that should be their new names. Ha. I suck.

    Libido? Please, if I can remember my fantasy, I’m lucky if I can see it through and actually come to the party.

    So funny.

  5. katie says:

    Robyn; What were your searches?

    The picture I found by searching for 1975 pin ups. Who knew?!

  6. katie says:

    Oh, Jody, We are same paging so hard. I feel the same way, way too fat for this shit. I started gaining weight when I got Graves (which you’re supposed to lose weight from) and I gained when I was hypo. I’ve lost some of the weight, but shit in a hand bag, I have so much more to go, it’s daunting.

    I loved #7, too. Har.

  7. amy says:

    These are too much! Seriously! I cannot believe people actually type these things! One and thirteen are out there. At least I had a good laugh! Love, Amy

  8. Bee says:

    I’m a little late to everyone’s party this week—-been
    a) feeling sorry for myself , B)feeling fat and grumpy , C)felling more fat and grumpy , D) feeling too tired to care about much E)feeling fat and grumpy, F) dreading housecleaning this weekend ,etc. Labs back, TSH still in hypo range after 4 mos. Reasons for all the above. at least laughed at searches.thanks

    h

  9. Lolly says:

    gosh I feel like I’ve been away forever. Katie girl you rock..Now you know I just love endocriminologist I think after the second time of seeing mine I was calling it him.

    And I’m all for thysturbation, can@t get enough if I could fuck it everyday I would, would that mean I was a thymphonanic…

  10. Lolly says:

    I can’t even spell that right Thyphomaniac.

    Lolly slammed and dunked

  11. Emilee Maez says:

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