DEAR THYROID^TM

Recently, it occurred to me just how many parallels there are in our “real” lives that intersect our diseases.

For example, we’ve been having issues with our .org email addresses. I can receive .org email, but I can’t respond via .org. This makes me feel constipated, like my intestines are stockpiling shit and my puckered rectum is begging for an explosion. Hello Hypo!

The other night when I was on my way to meet my brother, I was stuck in traffic hate traffic. Encircled by cars, most so frustrated, they revved their engines and forced their way past other cars. As if they had to go first, these drivers needed to be right. Hello endocrinologist!

I have a vintage car. I should get rid of it, but I can’t. I love it too much. Lately, it’s been overheating unless I crank the fuckin’ heater. Overheating throws the entire engine off and can ruin your car, requiring an engine overhaul. Hello Hyper!

In what ways do your lives intersect with your disease? Discuss!

This week’s searches:

1. Condoms graves eye disease: unless you’re planning to fuck my lady balls, which you do not have permission to do, I highly doubt you’ll need a condom. Don’t worry, it’s not contagious. Dumb ass.
2. “What am I new?” This is one of my favorite sayings. I say it all the time. So glad Dear Thyroid came up for this.
3. “You have been targeted for termination. “Do you have a WII game in mind for us to terminate our thyroids?
4. Another way to be deliciously: Thylicious? Thyempowered? Or eaten?
5. Can u bye home thyroid kits: This is a good un’. The typo is tits bye because it’s so ironic in this context. Who wouldn’t love to find goodbye, please home thyroid kits?!
6. Endocriminologist: Aren’t they all? Just kidding, not all of them. Unfortunately, most of them. We love good endocrinologist yarns.
7. Eating dairy creates glue: In your intestines? I’ll leave that one for Liz. However, I will say this, dairy bungs me up big time unless I’ve been a good vegan soldier and have a little dairy, than my ass is a three ring circus.
8. feeling like shit on thyroxine: Hey, good news, you’ll feel like shit on Synthroid, Armour and Nature-throid, too. Happy?
9. Glutitch: Sounds like a Dear Thyroid Glossary word, right?
10. Goiter when to go to the emergency room: When you can’t fucking breathe or when you feel like it’s choking you. Scratch that. Go now, right now.
11. How can your thyroid mess your body up: How can’t it is the question.
12. How to cure roid rage: Ha! Good one.
13. How to fuck your thyroid: “That’s the beauty of thyroid diseases and thyroid cancers, we get to fuck ourselves. Think of it is thysturbation.
14. I am too fat for this shit: “Who you tellin?! Most of us are. All of us who are HATE IT and feel the same way. Welcome home, honey buns.

Dear Thyroid Offline Support Updates

Do not forget, tomorrow night, two of our fabulous dames will be meeting up in Pembroke, MA @ 6:30 PM.

Chicago, what’s up, yo? We have five fabulous dames ready to roll. Do we have a date scheduled? Any other Chicago Dear Thyroidians care to join?

Raleigh, what’s up, yo? We have two kick ass broads ready to roll. Where are we at? Any other Thyrellas care to join?

To find out more about offline support and to get your city listed, please click here. If you want to meet up in any of the cities already listed, email Katie with your email address and location.

Finally, if you haven’t read Chronic Babe’s “Patients for a Moment” line up, please do. There are some unbelievable stories that are inspiring, heartbreaking and funny all of them are so life affirming.

Love,

Me

Tags: Marco Thylo, stupid things endocrinologists say, stupid things said to thyroid patients, thyroid humor, thyroid humor stories, thyroid jokes

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