DEAR THYROID^TM

Hey, Thyroid!

Thanks for your help on Monday.   I really mean that.   Man, the way you made me flip out on that ER doc was just AWESOME!   Had you not screwed with my emotions again, I would never have had the “TEST”. Due to your nastiness, you frightened the ER doc into giving me a fecal occult test.  I know, I know, the name of the test sort of sounds like a séance you hold in the bathroom.  (Lame joke!)

Where was I????  (Brain fog again, Hee Hee) Oh, yeah.  The test!!

Had you behaved like yourself, like you normally do when I go to the ER, they would have probably,  just sent me home after rehydrating me.   Because you acted up, they agreed to do whatever test I wanted.   They actually found the cause of my stomach ailment I had for a long time.

ER:   Why are you here again?

Me:  I’m throwing up and pooping myself at the same time again.

ER:  You were just here 6 months ago.   You have already had tests done.

Me:,   (Thyroid kicks in),  I AM SICK OF BEING TOLD THAT IT IS ALL JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK I OVEREAT!!!!,   SON OF A BITCH!  YOU DID TESTS LAST TIME, IT DIDN’T FIX IT!,   DO DIFFERENT ONES THIS TIME!!!!  CHECK MY $#1t FOR AN INFECTION!  MAYBE THAT IS IT!

There were more words said, but you get the idea.

ER:   OK, OK we’ll do it.

Two days later, the health department calls.

HD Nurse:   May I speak with Jacqueline Kipilo?

Me:   Who is this?

HD Nurse:  Is this Jacqueline?

Me:  What do you want?

HD Nurse:   Is Jacqueline not there?

Me:  (Thyroid kicks in),  This is her, WHAT THE F$&*% DO YOU WANT??? WHO ARE YOU???

HD Nurse:    Hi I’m from the Health Department.  You have Cryptosporidiosis.  You can find it on www.cdc.gov

Me:   Sorry.   WHAT????,   I didn’t mean to yell before, but I have a thyroid problem.  (Yes, I did tell her that.)

After the nurse explained that I have a parasite, she asked me about my symptoms.   I told her I couldn’t have a parasite because I have this problem every six months.   She had explained to me that because I have Hashimoto’s, my immune system is not strong enough to fight it and it has probably been in my system for a long time.

Thyroid, since you made me fat, I have been trying to go swimming as much as I can.   THIS IS PROBABLY HOW I GOT THE PARASITE!!!!,   AUUUGGGGHHHHH!,   The parasite lies dormant then it acts up again.   Sort of like you, Thyroid.

The nurse told me that I shouldn’t go in creeks or rivers due to low immunity and the risk of contracting parasites. So just a little public service break from the actual letter here… Don’t go drinking natural spring water from the spring while hiking if you have Hashimoto’s or Graves!!!!,  You get WORMS!!!!!!

Ok, enough of that.

1. The thyroid is also good for…

Getting out of cleaning the litter pan, “Honey, please clean the litter from now on.   I have an autoimmune disease and I can’t clean it anymore.”

1. Doing what you want.

Husband:,   no, we aren’t going there.   I’m tired.

Me:   SON OF A BITCH!,   I’M FEELING GOOD TODAY AND YOU JUST WANT TO SIT AT HOME.   WHAT IF I DON’T FEEL GOOD ANYMORE THIS YEAR????

1. Making people leave you alone.

I have been talking to myself lately to try to remember things.   If you start moving your mouth while you do it, they think you are crazy and leave you alone.  Who are they you ask???,   The “normal’s”: Those who don’t have a screwy gland.

My husband once asked what it was like going through this.   I told him quite sweetly, “Darling, imagine your testicles growing teeth and biting off your penis.   Your testicles are a gland and they would be acting crazy if they did this.   It would cause a lot of physical and mental pain, and you would be really upset.   My thyroid is a gland and it is acting crazy. It is causing me mental and physical pain and making ME really upset.”

Now he doesn’t question when I say I’m feeling bad.

Whenever people think there is something wrong with me, I am just going to smile and say, “It’s a Thyroid thing.   You wouldn’t understand.”

Love ya Thyroid!   (This time)

–Jackie.

(Bio) “Hi.  My name is Jackie, and I am 40 years old.   My life ended as I knew it, the Spring I turned 30.   I didn’t know what was wrong with me.   Doctors insisted I was crazy.   I almost believed them.  Thank you, Dear Thyroid for your site.  I hope this letter I write will finally allow me to accept my condition…

Tags: hashimoto's thyroiditis, thyroid literary support, thyroid patient support, thyroid symptoms support

Follow Dear Thyroid on Twitter/@DearThyroid | See our Facebook Page | Become a Fan on Facebook | Join our Facebook Group

You Can Create a Dear Thyroid Profile and share with friends!