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Thyurology Too S&Mee For Me

Post Published: 25 November 2009
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Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 15 responses. Leave a comment

Dear Thyroid,

I take umbrage to a lot of things you’ve done to my body over the last few years.   The sore joints, the hair loss, the weight gain,  the acne, the list is endless.   While I’m scheduled next week to find out what to do about my tear ducts that have stopped working, I’m wondering if I haven’t caused it by fixing another problem you’ve caused:

Not peeing;everyone else with thyroid disease talks about how much they pee.   Liz even put out a FB post about peeing the other day.   Yeah, not so much here.   No peeing, that’s me.   Ok, stutter peeing.   That’s what I call it.   Like an old man with a really bad prostate who just can’t get it out.   Our doc sent us to that nice urologist guy.   How was I supposed to know a urologist is nothing but a gynecologist on crack?!,   Up in the stirrups, plastic thing shoved up my urethra, cold metal speculum,  inserted up my ol’ address and “did you know your very tight down here, Vicki?”   “Does sex hurt you?!”

I have two responses here:

First of all, isn’t that a good thing?,   Wink, wink, nod, nod;don’t guys just love a tight “down there” kinda girl?,   My husband was all kinds of proud when I told him about it later.   It must be a good thing.   Plus, as I age, I won’t pee myself when I laugh.   Right?

Secondly, of course I’m tight you idiot!  You’ve inserted foreign objects in two very delicate places of my personal person!   This is the first time we’ve ever met. You didn’t buy me dinner, talk sexy to me, OR lower the lights!  Just WHAM!   I’m tense as all hell.   Holy crow!  Do most women you come across RELAX through this?!

So, the doc feels better about putting us on a 2 month trial of FloMax.   I do some research, cause, you know, I do that stuff.   FloMax is for old men who have prostate problems! It says right on the label;…not intended for use by women…,   So, of course, I take it.   Two months later nothing much has changed.   Except now, I have a prostate (just kidding).

So, they add to the humiliation, because, insurance is paying for this.   Let’s do another test, they say.   Of course I went. Of course I want to find the cause of this issue.   People should pee.   They shouldn’t sit on the toilet like a 90 year old man (unless they’re a 90 year old man) hoping against all hope to feel a steady stream of urine passing through their urethra! It should just happen.   “Ho, gotta pee!”;and you go.   End of story.   But, I digress, the other test.   Yes, I’ll never forget.   Just me, you, and the nice nurse lady.   She put those really cool electrode sticker things on my thighs and abdomen.  Then, the coupe de gra; I was catheterized and had a lovely torture device placed inside my rectum.   Relax, she said.   Sure.

She explains that she will now fill up my bladder and watch the progress on the computer screen.   “Are you comfortable?”   Uh, sure.   I’m in a paper gown, with sticky things;never mind.   Of course I not comfortable!  She has to know this.   Now, her plan is to sit there and watch the little computer screen hooked up to all my electrodes when I pee.   This will tell her what muscles I’m using when it happens.   So, we sit.   We make small talk.   She watches the screen.   What else is there to do?,   Sure, my bladder is full, sure I need to pee.   Not happening.   What does the nice nurse lady do?,   She lowers the lights (finally, mood lighting, only now it’s just too late), turns the water on and leaves me.  ,   I’m supposed to pee.   I have things attached to me with tape, uncomfortable plastic things up my urethra and my rectum.   I’m not feeling it.   I don’t pee.   She comes back, sees I haven’t peed.   Fills my bladder up MORE and leaves again,  the water still running in the little sink.   Nothing, nada, zilch. ,  Oh, I tried, trust me I did.   I pushed, I pleaded with my bladder, I tried to relax.   Back in again.   She can’t understand it.   She removes the offending instruments of torture and sends me off to the bathroom where I pee blood and urine until I think I might overflow the commode.   I flush. Twice.   Just to be safe.

I spend the next week urinating blood.

I get a note back from the gruesome urologist man that says I have,  “a larger than normal capacity bladder.”   They can’t find a thing blocking my urethra, all should be well.   What the fuck does that mean?  I’m a camel and should move to the desert?  It simply means I can’t pee in front of people while sitting in a torture chair!  For the love of (insert your own particular brand of higher authority here, I’m not allowed to make religious references on this site!). You people charge for this service?!   We should do another test, they say.   Fuck you, I tell them.

I’ll NEVER go back to those people and their horrible toys.   I’ll expand like a water balloon first and blow the fuck up.

I did some research, cause, you know, I do that stuff, and found a little pill in the organic market.   It’s a water pill! We’re saved!,   I take two a day and you know what?  I pee like a fucking world champion.

Only now, the eye doc,  tells me, my tear ducts don’t make normal tears to “sprinkle” my eyes.   I feel like I have sand in them all the time.   I have annoying headaches.   I have to use lubricating tear drops every hour on the hour.   I wonder if it’s because the great water pill dried,  them up?

Maybe, it’s just you.   Maybe I,  could have Graves Ophthalmology like the,  asshole eye doc says.   I guess only you know.   I’m finding out you have way to much control over what my body does.   So much power in such a small gland.   I should be amazed by you.   I would have been, but, I had no idea you existed until you stopped working.   Now, you just scare the shit out of me.   Funny how that happens.

(Bio),  45 year old Mom of one fabulous eight year old girl.   Diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Disease 3 years ago.   It raged unchecked for 5 years after the birth of my daughter.   When I finally had a physical, the doc found a 7.35 TSH level.   It explained the ephedra addiction.   My body hasn’t been the same since.   Guess it never will be.

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15 Responses to “Thyurology Too S&Mee For Me

  1. AnonBlonde says:

    Wow.

    I mean, wow. That is awful, not something I’ve heard of, but…How awful.

    Also…This makes me wonder if things like vulvodynia & vaginismus are related to thyroid disease.

    • dearthyroid says:

      AnonBlonde, yes, unfortunately, they probably are. We’ve had several people in our community talk about recurrent infections. It just happens when our immune systems are down, you know? Probiotics and yeast-free diets are great for that.

  2. Robyn says:

    OMG! You are such a fabulous story teller! I felt like I was sitting right next to you all strapped in and gowned up–and uncomfortable because I don’t even know you. 😉
    How strange for you, so sorry. The more I learn about the thyroid, the more I shake my head.
    Seriously.

  3. Kathy says:

    I don’t think that I want to look forward to all that and then some. I cannot imagine going through all that you did.. what a dignity challenge! Too bad it didn’t scare the pee outta you! Right now, I can pee on command and know where every bathroom is when I do indeed get out of the house.. I’ve done so much crying lately, my tear ducts are well lubricated. Thanks for sharing even MORE info that although we don’t want to know, we need to know.

  4. Amy says:

    I agree, you are a fabulous story teller! Sorry for your experience! I was a little shocked that you had to go through all that. I am hoping things will get better for you!

  5. lori says:

    OMG, we are twins: Hashi here who had urinary retention and all the tests you had, and I have barely any tear production for my poor eyes. It sounds like you were not treated as humanely though and I am sorry they treated you like that. They didn’t put me in stirrups and they let me pee all by myself in another room where a thingy measured my retained urine (postvoid residual). I had tests, tried drugs, had more tests, tried more drugs. I was desparate to pee but said fuck all of you, i’ll figure this out and that’s what i did, luckily.

    I went to a physical therapist who taught me exercises that helped and a showed me a certain position to sit on the toilet that would help “let it flow”. Then, I found out the muscle relaxer i was taking could cause urinary retention and bingo, i stopped it and i could pee…hallelujah. I was taking Robaxin (generic – methocarbamal). Three thyrofuckin years not being able to pee and it was that drug. So, please check the potential side effects on any drugs you are taking. Even if it’s not listed as a side effect, test other drugs, if you are on any.

    The dry eyes started several years before my hashi diagnosis, along with many others symptoms that turned out to be from the hashi’s, but by this past August my eyes hurt so bad, it felt like someone was trying to pull my sockets out. I never know eyes could hurt so bad. I had sunglasses on all the time and I was already on Restasis eye drops for the dryness, plus over the counter drops and gels. It turned out after being on levoxyl (T4 only drug) for a year I was not converting T3 and all my symptoms got a lot worse, especially the dry eyes and tiredness. Anyway, once I got on natural desiccated thyroid, which has T3, my eyes and other symptoms started improving. The eye improvememt was dramatic. I am still blurry and need the drops but it is LOTS better. Restasis is the only prescription medication available for dry eyes. The over the counter drops don’t work as well. The Restasis I only use one drop each eye twice a day. I only need to use over the counter stuff if i’m around anything that is irritating like smoke, the wood section in the hardware store, or the detergent aisle in the grocery store. there is a procedure they eye doctor offered me called punctal plugs, they put plugs in your tear ducts in the corners of your eyes. It’s suppose to keep what tear production you do have stay in your eyes. I didn’t want to do that but if the Restasis didn’t work I would have had not choice. I asked the eye doctor if my thyroid disease caused it cuz i had read dry eyes was a symptom but he said there is no way to tell cuz I had on much other stuff going on. Stupid ass, all the other stuff going on is probably from my thyroid disease.

    I hope my experience can help in some way.

    Lori
    XO

  6. Lolly says:

    WTF I don’t know how you went through all that and never told them to piss off..what I want to know is did the treatment work or are you still having problems?
    I would have asked for a second opinion but then again I don’t think I would want to go through all that shit again.

    You are a great story teller and what a story it was, is…

    They’re taking the piss problem is it wasn’t out of you.
    Lolly

  7. Bee says:

    YOU MAKE SUCH GREAT SENTENCES AND PAINT SUCH A PICTURE WITH YOUR WORDS!!! i really understand what you went thru. I am presently an X-Ray/CT tech for the largest private urology practice in the country. My docs will love hearing that they’re nothing but gynos on crack…hahaha!every wednesday i’m involved in urodynamics procedures on handicapped children-talk about being thankful for just a little thyroid disease…have you done any research on Sjogren’s syndrome? it too causes all your mucous membraney areas and body orifices to dry up; another autoimmune disease…so this message is sent with the best wishes that you pee like a racehorse whenever your little urethraq desires

  8. Bee says:

    oops- i meant urethra not urethraq—sorry

  9. Jackie says:

    Vicki: I have had the torture chair test done. They told me that my detrussor muscle wasn’t working properly. Before the urodynamics, I went to the gyne and he put a cath in and filled it with saline. All of a sudden I hear “I’ve never seen THAT before” Words you do NOT want to hear at the gyne office. He explained finally that he could not fill my bladder with the cath. I was spasming for some reason. So he sent me for the torture chair. I was on Flomax also. It was funny. I had a bunch left over after they told me to quit taking it and I gave it to my grandfather because he was taking it, too. He thought I stole it. I told him I was taking it and he argued that I was lying. LOL. I dribble in my pants and have to wear a Poise pad, but when I sit on the toilet, nothing. As soon as I stand up, wash my hands, I went in my pants. I just deal. As far as the dry eyes go, my friend who had her thyroid removed due to cancer is on a water pill and her eyes are really dry. She couldn’t wear contacts. Her eye doc put some kind of collagen thing in her tear duct. She said it was painless and now she can wear the contacts. The collagen lasts for several months. Maybe you should ask about it.

  10. lori says:

    Bee is right on the Sjogren’s syndrome. Just like Hashimoto’s you need to have the antibodies. For years I’ve been told ‘I think you have Sjogren’s’ but I’ve never had the antibodies. But it doesn’t change anything, the treatment is the same for the dry symptoms but Sjogren’s can wreak havoc in other ways also. It definitely should be ruled in or out. It’s just some blood work to find out. Just Google for more info.

  11. Vicki says:

    Cannot thank all of you enough for your wonderful com ments and advice! This is such an incredible community to be involved with.
    Lori and Jackie- the eye doc implanted a tear duct plug in my right eye. Not much change. I am now on restasis. It’s almost been 2 months now and there’s no change. I still need the eye drops everyday.
    STILL taking that water pill to pee. Lori, I am not taking a muscle relaxer…most days I wish I was! I have more to say to you my sister and will send it on FB in a message. Thank you all once again. You’re amazing women.

  12. lori says:

    the restasis took at least three months to notice a difference and if you don’t use it faithfully twice a day, it doesn’t work. i’d be happy to talk any time.

  13. vicki says:

    Lori, I’ve definitely been faithful about using the restasis twice a day. The burn stinks until the 15 minutes are up and I can use the eyedrops! Doc said it would take 2 months at least. I’m trying very hard to be patient….it’s not a strong trait of mine! Last blood test showed TSH back up to a 5….I don’t think that helps either.

  14. Pam says:

    Vicki, just wanted to echo the comments above. What a well-written piece but I only wish it were fiction. I’m sorry you had such a horrible experience and are still dealing with all that BS. We are all here for you. I hope you find some answers and that things improve for you soon. I have Graves’ & have been on disability for 2 yrs. after 5 yrs. being undiagnosed. People often tell me it’s worse to be hyper but with stories like yours, I’m not so sure.

    Hugs,
    Pam

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