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Thyreaved… Gone, But Never Forgotten

Post Published: 15 December 2009
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Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 4 responses. Leave a comment

Dear ThycoLolly,

I never got a chance to really say goodbye, so,  I want to take this Opportunity to do so now, never mind that you caused me so many problems over the years.

If I were to write you an thypitaph I think it would go something like this..

ThycoLolly,  is gone,  but,   never,   forgotten.

You left me,  behind, feeling rotten.

No substitute, no better, no,  time to cry.

You morphed into a spiritual butterfly.

You are gone now and I have to make do with a poor substitute and Rat bastard doctors,  that don’t have a clue and don’t really give a shit,  I have to fight every inch of the way to get what my body requires.

I am getting there it’s taken sometime but slowly I am getting there.

You see if it hadn’t been for that suspicious nodule you would still be with me..Why I ask myself could they not get a decent sample or a conclusive biopsy saying there was,  no cancer.  I couldn’t take that risk being in the 5% bracket,  I had responded well to ATD’s but that goiter was still,   there, You weren’t happy I could tell you still gave me symptoms ones,  I had learned to cope with. Now I knew I wasn’t having a heart attack we decided to beat-box at night, and if anyone asked me was it raining I’d say yes, can you not see that single cloud over there, we had stood under it dripping from the head. Yes you embarrassed me many a time, but you also made me laugh, but why the fuck did you have to go effect my eyes. I could cope to a degree with everything else but not my eyes the windows to my soul,  ,  even the loss of weight was a bonus,  great having a chiseled jaw line but shit having panda eyes to go with it. looked like something out of return of the zombies. Couldn’t you have just left the eyes alone. I guess if it wasn’t for that we would have not discovered I had Graves Disease in the first place,   TED who the fuck was he, I prefer now to call him GO Because I wanted him gone

Well after 5,  FNA’s in 6 months and no local on a large nodule right lobe, nothing was any clearer, Te surgeon said he didn’t want to put me through anymore and I was happy about that..  I didn’t take the decision lightly, I took my time and in the end we had to part ways, just a shame you didn’t have cancer, I think I may have felt better if they had said yes but I felt as if,  I had you taken away from me for nothing.

All I have to remind me is the scar you left behind, it wasn’t a pretty one either, in the beginning I looked like the bride of,  Frankenstein’s monster. Now as I caress my scar a reminder of what used to be, I can say I have finally got a fucking neck and didn’t realise how big you’d got.

I miss you, your substitute can never take your place and has caused me even more problems, but,  I think I am slowly getting there, my eyes are now in the inactive stage of GO.

So this is Farewell ThycoLolly, Au revoir,   Auf Weidersehen Pet…

Your loving Host

Lolly

(Bio)…well I’d tell you my age but then I’d have to kill you after,  so lets just say I’m as young as the men I feel, and it’s not the men in my life, but the life in my men. Diagnosed with TED and Graves disease in 05, full TT in 07 been fighting with the health authorities ever since, just to get the right tests and adequate replacement. My philosophy,  in life… is fight for what you believe in, don’t let the bastards get you down and smile at least 5 times a day. And last but not least knowledge is power.

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4 Responses to “Thyreaved… Gone, But Never Forgotten

  1. Robyn says:

    I’m with you Lolly, knowledge *is* power. It’s sad that your thyroid had to go, but if she’d cooperated from the start things would have been different, right? I’m glad your eyes have quieted down–Katie knows I have a non-thyroid issue in only one eye, and it really makes you understand how much we take our sight for granted. Best of luck and see (read) you on the web!

  2. Lori says:

    Lolly that was a beautiful letter. I could feel your pain, “powerful words”. You are a fighter, for sure, and an inspiration to me. I am sorry you had to have your thyroid taken out. It makes me feel so sad and so mad at the same time. But, I am so happy you are getting some relif with your eyes.

    My eyes are always painful from being so dry and sooo blurry. I take prescription and over the counter drops. The winters are hard. But the pain is 80% better since I’ve been on a T3/4 combo. The eye doc says he doesn’t know if it’s from Hashi but it sure changes with my levels so I believe it is.

    I hope you have more healing for your eyes. I believe you will.
    Hugs
    Lori

  3. Lolly says:

    Robyn,

    For me the worse part about GD was the eye disease, I think I am one of the fortunate ones who have now gone into the inactive stages of GO with also the aid of LDN (Low Dose Naltrexone), one good doc I did have was the eye doc the others well put it this way, I lost so much trust after being DX and the way I was treated I think my endo even sacked me LOL Do you think I needed him no not I, I’d rather have a hole in my head.

    We do take our sight for Granted and when you’re afflicted with GO it really hits home. thank you for your kind words. but I would have much rather have kept my thyroid than have to contend with a poor substitute and Living in the UK it’s even harder to get T3 Rx’d this I am still working on and hopefully by April I will have won that one too.

    Lori,

    I still have to lubricate my eyes daily they will never be 100% but they’re a damn sight better than they were a few years ago.
    Sounds like yours is from Hashi’s they way you describe the changes when levels are askew Hypo was the worse for me after coming out of hyper, made my eyes ten times worse, so keeping stable levels definitely goes a long way to helping.

    I hope you too can get some healing with your eyes too, it’s no fun.

    Lolly

  4. Lolly says:

    Miss Katie,

    Just want to say thank you, I would have never dreamed of writing anything like this had it not been for your encouragement and your welcome.

    And can I just say you captured me in a great pose love my picture.

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