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Making a Deal with A Couch Potato

Post Published: 25 December 2009
Author:
Category: Dear Thyroid Teen Letters
This post currently has 2 responses. Leave a comment

Dear Thyroid,

Why is it that you regularly insult me with your blurs and your blanks? Why is it that you seem to think it fun to leave me in an endless staring state while,  I am trying to do something useful? Why is it:

Moan, moan, moan.

I hear you criticize my blaming of you, and my hypocritical “I don’t blame” saying.

All she ever does is moan.

Perhaps, I reply, to myself, disliking myself for it at once. But you’re slacking, Thyroid, don’t you see? You’re slacking. The rest of my body is trying,  unbelievably hard to get a move on with things while you, meanwhile, are sitting on your butt. No one ever gets by without a hell of a lot of hard work and you, Thyroid, are a couch potato – no, I mean it, an actual couch potato – sit on you and I’ll sink, like sitting on fresh mash…no – I wonder if this image is merely from whenever it was that you were born into laziness?…I wonder what mash is like when it is rotten. Is it soft and slimy, or hard and rough?

Disgusting.

What am I doing thinking about sinking into a rotten potato? I think we both thought that.
It is an interesting metaphor though, don’t you think, Thyroid? Take a seat (except you already,  are sitting) and I’ll explain:

What can you see out of mashed potato? Nothing? How alert are you? What does it  feel like?
A bit Blur? I agree.

I wonder who invented the term “couch potato.” I reckon he was referring to,  you.

Oh, but we outer casings are so,  kind, aren’t we? Referring to you and your cousins in such a vile way. Ought I to feel kind – for you are more  vile than such terms – or guilty for my evil ways?

Now, Thyroid, let’s be frank here. Let’s make a deal, you and me. I will stop referring to you in such vile terminologies (I am assuming that you take offence to being named a,  couch potato?) and you, meanwhile, will immediately end your snoring which fogs my brain (seriously, your breath,  stinks) and will get up and start walking.

Deal?

I thought so.

(Bio): I am aged 18 and was diagnosed with hypothyroidism last year. I recently set up my blog Small But Mighty: A Thyroid Life because I was angered by the poppycock awareness that we have of thyroid disease. Posts are about thyroid articles in the media, along with information.

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2 Responses to “Making a Deal with A Couch Potato”

  1. amy says:

    I have never thought of a thyroid as a couch potato but it makes sense and you are so clever to think of it like that. It is most unfortunate when our bodies want to be busy and active but we do not have the will power to do anything. I know the feeling. You are a lovely writer. Hang in there! Once you kick the couch potato out thing have got to change!…

  2. Robyn says:

    My good friend (also young like you–just turned 21), called her thyroid a potato–it stuck out of her neck like one before her surgery…

    You are very brave to take such a stand and speak out about your thyroid. Good luck and we hope to see you around here more!

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