The Worst Wedding Gift in the World
Author: Kristen, Hashimoto’s Patient
Well, I got married, and you surprisingly didn’t make me gain 15 pounds like I had expected right before the wedding. You did, however, cause me to lose 10 pounds unexpectedly and caused my dress not to fit. But even with you trying to ruin my day, I still ended up marrying my best friend. So what if every five minutes my bridesmaids were running over to me and pulling my dress up so my bra wouldn’t show? So what if I couldn’t do the YMCA because I would have flashed everyone, and so what if I could only enjoy two glasses of wine without hindering my medicine? I still had a good time.
You did give me a great wedding gift though, the out-of-nowhere fear of flying. I have flown all over the world pre-Hashimoto, and never had a problem. Now I cry and pop a Xanax, hoping to make it to my destination. What more could I ask of you? It just keeps getting better and better. I wish that you would just let me be. Not only am I embarrassed that I wake up most nights at 2:00 a.m. with a panic attack, and roll over and look at my husband sleeping, and wish that I could wake him up without feeling like an idiot the next morning. I hate that I have developed a sudden fear of chemicals that I never had before. I hate that you have caused my hair to fall out, but most important I hate that my Endo never gives me the opportunity to speak when I go see her. All it ever seems to be about is the damn pill.
I sit up at night and ask why this disease is so damn complicated. While on my honeymoon I ended up having to go to the doctor for a virus some kid passed onto me at the wedding. When I walked into the room, right behind me was a huge poster about hypothyroidism. I started to cry. Everywhere I go I am reminded of this damn condition.
You’d think after three years I’d be over getting mad at myself for having this disease, but I’m not.
It affects everything and every part of my life. I’m, constantly thankful that my husband is right behind me 100%. I am so happy that he understands most newlyweds would be all over each other, except us. I am happy he loves me regardless of what my thyroid does to him. And so today dear thyroid, I am, hear, to tell you that I am still on this path of hating you. I still loathe you as much as I did three years ago. I would never wish this disease on anyone. I wish that my doctor would give a damn about me, and understand that seeing me for five minutes and pushing me out the door until the next visit isn’t helping me.
Frankly thyroid, I hate you.
(Bio) My name is Kristen Gast, formally Kristen Duncan. I am 28, a newlywed, and have, Hashimoto’s disease. And I have trouble accepting it, every day.
We welcome comments and questions from non-thyroid patients, too! Can you relate to Kristen’s letter? How does her story affect you? Share your thoughts with Kristen.