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My Hate for you Continues, Thyroid of Mine!

Post Published: 29 January 2010
Author:
Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 22 responses. Leave a comment

Written by Lori (Hypothyroid Patient)

Dear Thyroid,

My post holiday shopping was ruined because of you.

My whole family was affected by my bad mood. Why was I in a bad mood? Because of you and your stupid inactivity, why can’t you understand that I am tired of feeling so fat and sluggish?

You know this, I did not eat ONE SINGLE fattening thing over the holidays. I ate all vegan food. I never touched the fudge, cakes, pies, ham, or anything else, so proudly displayed on the table at my mom’s house. Did I lose a single pound? NOT ONE! Your lazy ass decided not to burn any calories leaving me feeling bloated and fat.

So, the bad mood started when I discovered I would have to move up to a 40 C bra. I have never had a bra that big; EVER. The “C” is fine, but NOT the 40. My boyfriend thought he was helping when he pointed out that I should not feel badly because he wears 40 waist pants. Oh wow! That helps a lot, thanks BF. I am almost as mad at him as I am at you, evil thyroid!

I can’t even mention the size of clothes I had to buy out of desperation to keep warm because, thanks to you, I froze my ass off in Florida. I have never felt so cold to the bone!

So, I guess if I was a pig and ate crap during the holidays, this anger would be directed at myself, but it’s not, it is directed where it belongs! At you! So, it would be nice if you would figure out what you are going to do and get to work and stop being a lazy ass because I have done everything I know how to do.

I hate you. A lot!

Lori

WOW – Lori is angry. Her body has completely changed. She’s become physically unrecognizable to herself, something we can all relate to. Have you made peace with your ‘new self’ or do you feel as angry and frustrated as Lori? Speak up, beautiful babies.

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22 Responses to “My Hate for you Continues, Thyroid of Mine!”

  1. amy says:

    Lori, I have been here before. The I am so damn fat and I cannot loose any weight and you cannot believe it when your pants are getting tighter feeling. I would like to encourage to keep on truckin’, moving forward because YOU Can do it! Against all odds, I did. And against what a lot of people recommend: No grains,(and none of those deceivingly delicious looking holiday desserts) healthy proteins/fats and tons of veggies. I hope that you find what works for you! Love yourself-You are beautiful! I like to put the blame on my thyroid as well…it makes me feel less crazy! I hope that you feel the love I am sending. I know it sounds corny but I feel ya. Best wishes!

  2. Dear Thyroid says:

    Amy;

    I love you for sharing your weight story! I am so damn proud of you for being able to lose the weight. By omitting grains and desserts (and/or dairy), you lost all of the weight? How long did it take you? What kind of exercise regimen did you have? I’m sorry for asking all of these questions, I hope they aren’t too invasive. I have gotten SO FAT. Vegan/GF isn’t working so far. I’m wondering what else I can do. Any tips are greatly appreciated.

    xo

  3. Brenda says:

    This is a letter I could have (should have?) written. The only difference is I have now graduated to a DD. My friends laugh (yes, laugh!) when I complain about my adult-onset growth spurt. They don’t get it at all. They are generally very supportive, but I get ZERO

  4. Brenda says:

    Okay, I’m having one of those days . . . hit the wrong key.

    As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I get ZERO sympathy on the cup size issue.

    I have done the gluten-free and dairy-free thing, with no result. Seems like no matter what I do, the bulges will not budge. Treadmill, resistance training, yoga, qi gong, I’ve tried it all. On really good days, I do some of each!

    So, yes, I really do feel ya. And, yes, I have a serious hate-on for my thyroid today!

  5. Dear Thyroid says:

    Brenda;

    So sorry to hear that you’ve graduated to a DD. It’s always frustrating when our friends think what we define as a real issue gets mocked.

    I love everything you’ve tried to do to lose weight, those are wonderful things. The problem, of course, is that they haven’t yielded results yet. I am so sorry about that– I feel as defeated.

    Are you reading Liz’s Sunday column “HOW TO KICK YOUR THYROID’S ASS”. http://bit.ly/62PsPe. She gives outstanding nutritional tips and resources for thyroid patients.

    PS: I hope you’ll submit your ‘hate letter’ to Dear Thyroid.

  6. Lori A. says:

    Hi Amy, Brenda, and Dear Thyroid,

    Thanks for your support!

    Amy: I am going to “keep on truckin'” 🙂 It helps to have so much support from Dear Thyroid and to see that others are dealing with the same thing!

    Brenda, I know. Everyone thinks a bigger bra size is something good. Not when they go along with all the other weight gain and crap we deal with on a regular basis because of our thyroids!

    Dear Thyroid, I am not sure why vegan/GF would not work. It seems there is nothing more restricitve than that! (except all raw food/veggies) I will check out the link you provided. Thanks again for publishing my letter. I hope that it will help other people to see that they are not alone! 🙂

    Lori

  7. Robyn says:

    I am so sorry for your weight worries, ladies. If I am learning anything in this battle, it’s that if we are going to win, we’ll need to be persistent. More persistent than our damn glands!

  8. amy says:

    For me I really think that omitting grains has been huge. A good book to read about this would be:Going against the Grain by Melissa Diane Smith. I seem to be carb sensitive so that is why I stay away from grains and most of the time potatoes. This is probably b/c I also have insulin resistance. I do eat meat(healthy free range organic grass fed) and dairy does not seem to bother me(thank goodness). And fat. I have learned that our bodies need these healthy fats(in part thanks to Liz). So, as long as you are not hyper, coconut oil is good! Avocados, olive oil, and yes(for me) animal fats. this has been so successful for me. If you are having trouble with a different diet/lifestyle plan research it for yourself. This has to be a lifestyle for me b/c of the insulin resistance. I think it has really helped w/ the hashi’s as well. Since the beginning of Sept. I have lost twenty pounds. I know I wouldn’t be here if I did not give up grains and sugars. I hope that a bit of my story will/can be helpful to you. It also took away a lot of the tiredness and the emotional roller coaster for me. Love Amy

  9. Natalie says:

    Oh girlfriend…I’ve certainly been there!!

    In fact, I wear a 40 DD, now. It’s quite a hassle…even though my boyfriend doesn’t mind.

    I wish I would have had as much discipline as you did over the holidays!! Vegan the whole time?? Wow. I would probably die…not because of turkey and ham, but because of the mashed potatoes. Oh carbs…that’s my biggest weakness.

    I dont know about you but when it’s colder out I tend to bloat like crazy. Also, my bones hurt SO BAD! I’m 24…not 84, dammit!

    In the words of Tim Gunn, make it work =) You can over come it!

    Love, Natalie

  10. Dear Thyroid says:

    Lori;

    We hope this will be the first of many letters to come from you.

    Thank you for sharing your story connecting with everyone regarding your letter.

    Every time someone writes a letter and patients speak up and share their stories, I think it connects us all to each other and makes us all feel less alone.

    PS: I tried the raw foods diet and had such an adverse reaction, it was not good. I agree with you, vegan/GF should work. It was for a while. I lost over 40 lbs. I’ve put it back on for reasons I don’t know. Back to the drawing board and to Liz’s column for tips and tricks.

    xo

  11. Dear Thyroid says:

    Robyn;

    You’re so right!

    Another thing I wanted to mention is that there are patients who absolutely cannot gain weight and become dangerously thin. Whether we gain or lose, our self-image and self-esteem is greatly impacted by our lives in the Gland Canyon. Can I get a ‘whoop-whoop’?!

    • Mary says:

      I’m one of those that can’t gain any weight. And it sucks weakness clothes fall off. Now that the damned thing decided to grrow back after 34 yrs post RAI I’m at a loss as what the hell is going to happen next. So far its sorta stable. I was kinda glad at first maybe I would get me spunk back not the case though just waiting and hoping it doesn’t blow up into anything uglier. Mary

  12. Dear Thyroid says:

    Amy;

    WOW. WOW. WOW. That is absolutely incredible. All of the research that you’ve done and trial and error using yourself as a guinea pig has really paid off. I’m in awe of your success.

    I will most definitely buy that book.

    Thank you so much for sharing more of your story with us. I really appreciate it.

  13. Dear Thyroid says:

    Natalie;

    You are so adorable, what a fabulous comment.

    Aren’t you in awe of Lori’s ability to be a steadfast dieter during the holidays?! I am, to be sure.

    so sorry you’ve gone up a few bra sizes, too.

    When we don’t want our bodies to physically change and they do AGAINST OUR WILL, it’s the worst feeling ever!

    As you said, as Tim Gunn says “Make it work” – Which is actually a great tip for improving self-esteem. If we find a way to love ourselves as we are, maybe that’s part of the process in terms of getting where we want to go.

    WAIT — No espousing hippie dippy bullshit, just stating that it might be part of the process for some not all.

    Worth thinking about?!

  14. Lori A. says:

    Wow! Thanks so much for the support and kind words from everyone!

    One important thing I forgot to mention is that writing this letter made me feel so empowered. I felt such a sense of relief when I wrote it and sent it to Dear Thryoid!

    Thanks for offering a way for people who suffer from thryoid related issues to vent, share and support.

    Lori 🙂

  15. Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Facebook by Dear Thyroid Lovehateyou: New letter! “My Hate for you Continues, Thyroid of Mine” http://bit.ly/9Ptnh4 – Hypothyroid/physical body changes @katieschwartz @lejeal…

  16. Lolly says:

    Lori,

    I feel your pain Thysis we have to work double hard to try to lose the weight gained. But when your feeling so shit and don’t even have the energy to exercise it ain’t easy.
    Are your thyroid levels in a good place or are you still Hypo?

    You know women pay mega bucks to get cup sizes that we have but hey it’s a a shit when you have to wear your bra back to front.
    I look at it like this be proud of your thyoobs cus one day you will thank them for keeping the wrinkles at bay.

    Joking apart I know it ain’t easy but love yourself you’re a beautiful person.

    Hugs
    Lolly

  17. Lolly says:

    Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out But I can usually shut her up with cookies.

  18. Lolly says:

    Lori I found an new incentive for sit ups I put M&M inbetween my toes.
    I get enough exercise these days by stumbling about a mile each day looking for my glasses.

  19. Mushgrrl says:

    I was a dancer before my thyroid went to shit. I was size 10, athletic and could run circles around people. I am now size 22, not so athletic (though I try to keep active) and have to rest more often than other people.
    I was so ANGRY over this for years. I still get frustrated by it. I see skinny women chowing down hot dogs and pizza and beer…while I nibble on a salad. At the height of my thyroid woes, I was eating 900 calories per day, and nothing budged. I wasn’t hungry either. My sister in law was living with us at the time and confessed she thought I was lying about the food I eat, until she lived with me. She ate almost twice as much as me at her size 6.
    My sex life went to shit..no energy, no desire, constantly irritable. My dad told me at one point to be careful how much weight I gain because there is only so much a husband can handle. My husband came home to a hysterical sobbing mess that night, and reminded me it was “Til death do us part, NOT til your thyroid poops out and you get sick”
    I am not sure what changed. I am still pretty big, but my energy is getting better. I went gluten free like so many others, researched my supplements, treated my adrenals, and started slurping down 4 Tbs of coconut oil per day.
    I have lost a little weight but it is pathetically slow. I got angry at myself again for being hung up on that tag that says Size 10, I may never get there again. What I have is now. I have learned to say no more easily..learned not to care as much if people don’t understand why I am not feeling up to something. I went out and bought some new clothes. Looking in the mirror while shopping is painful. Now I pick my clothes out based on color and texture, or just because I like the way that fabric drapes. I look in the mirror long enough to make sure nothing funny is sticking out.
    And I come here and read A LOT. People voicing their frustrations gives me permission to feel my own. It is cathartic. I didnt’ read all of the responses, gonna do that now and probably laugh and cry like I always do.
    I love each and every person on here that takes the time to post. In my mind I see it as a life line of sorts..I can be understood even though not a soul on here knows me personally.
    Hang in there, let’s make the best of what we have together (then maybe go take a nap)

  20. Katie says:

    I have learned in my long journey of thyroid autoimmune disorder that any type of extremism in my diet does not work. Stress also adds to weight gain, therefore, if we stress our body by switching to a vegan diet, it will react as though something is wrong and store fat.
    My body requires proteins and fats. My body despises grains. I tend to eat limited grains and eat a protein at every meal with fruits and vegetables. My body does crave grains, so I try and limit them to very small servings of rice or breads. I rarely eat potatoes. I have found that I can eat nuts and not gain weight even though they are high in fat. I eat almonds everyday, unless I am having a carb craving day…then I avoid the fats. My favorite dessert is chocolate covered almonds. I can eat these and not gain weight. One brownie (flour based) and I can gain 3 pounds instantly. I do crave sugar and found that it is impossible to delete it out of my diet for my sanity, so I tend to eat chocolate candies as opposed to flour based desserts. This works for me. I also try and exercise for 30 minutes every day and fortunately I have a dog that demands a walk every day around 7pm. She will sit and stare at me until I get my shoes on….good dog.
    Everyone’s journey with this disease may vary slightly, but I have noticed a pattern through my 15 years, almost everyone is carb sensitive in one way or another. Watch your extremes and balance your diet as much as possible…and peace of mind will follow. Good luck everyone :0)

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