I Love You, But I’m Leaving This Relationship for a Healthier One
Written by Michelle (Thyroid Cancer Patient)
Goodbye. You know you left me with no other choice than to end things with you. You changed. At first it was the little things I started noticing. You gave me clues. Of course, when it got to the point that I needed to find out if my suspicions were true, you pulled it together enough to hide your true intentions. You let the doctor and me believe everything was “normal”. You lied to all of us.
After that first intervention to confront you, you were quiet for a bit, a little more careful to cover your tracks. Or maybe I just wanted to believe things were okay between us. Then you started getting sloppy. A little more bold in your malicious actions.
I gave you a year to get your act together, truly believing the story you told the doctor when he ran his tests on you. But my intuition won out. Again, we went to get you checked out. You were good, a real deceiver. You had everyone fooled, but not me. This time I was on to you.
I gave you three months, then we went to see another doctor. This time, your true prescence was felt. This doctor caught you off guard, called you out of hiding. Discovered the unhealthy entity you were becoming. Puffed up and proud you were. Brazen and bold. The doctor made me look in the mirror and confront you. This doctor didn’t buy your story. We called you out.
First the ultrasound. I still believed in you at that point. Denial, I guess. Well, you gave us enough suspicion to investigate you further. Next, the biopsy. That made you mad. You never caused me pain before that. Were you angry you weren’t able to hide anymore? You really changed, didn’t you? You were growing into an entirely different thyroid than the one I’d known for 38 years. Shocking. But at the same time, not. I had my feeling. I listened to my instincts. I wouldn’t take no for an answer and kept digging for the truth.
Well, now you’re gone. I cut you out of my life. It’s only been five days and I feel so much better. A weight gone, literally.
I’m so excited to start my new life without you. I know things might be difficult from time to time, adjusting to this change of living without you. But I’d rather be without you. I’m healthy now. With the support of my family and friends and an amazingly compassionate team of doctors, I am moving on to a better, more fulfilling life.
It was good while it lasted with you. I hope you found peace. Someday, maybe thyroids like you won’t hurt people anymore.
(Bio), I am a 38 year old female in Los Angeles. I first suspected about 18 months ago that I might be hypo-thyroid. Blood tests were “normal”. Exactly a year later, with intensifying symptoms I requested a re-check. Again, “normal”. Listening to my intuition, I sought out an endocrinologist. He poked and prodded and found a nodule. Again, “normal” blood tests. But before the results even came back, he sent me for an ultrasound, followed a few weeks later by an FNA biopsy which was strongly indicative of papillary cancer. Four weeks later, a total thyroidectomy and removal of the central compartment lymph nodes in a three-hour surgery. The nodule was between a grape and walnut in size. I had no difficulty breathing or swallowing. No visible indications until the doctor made me swallow in front of a mirror. Then it just looked like an “adam’s apple-ish” kind of thing moving up and down. I had ever worsening hypo-symptoms with “normal” levels and an intuition that wouldn’t let me stop searching for an answer.
Share your story with Michelle and lend your support in comments