A Thief In The Fog
(Written by Elaine, Graves’ disease patient)
Dear Mr. Graves,
Why I give you that endearment is beyond me. I guess it’s a force of habit when writing letters to use “Dear”. You are anything but dear to me. I guess you know that by now. I’m not in a good mood today, so I thought I’d take it out on you. As the saying goes, “What goes around comes around.” You’ve given me such a hard time over the years. You have actually made my life miserable. So now my mind is working a bit better and I can now think halfway straight again. I thought I’d give you a piece of my mind. A very small piece, as you have managed to mess with a good part of my mind already.
I’m still trying to get all my mind back. I still have bad days. “Brain Fog” some call it. Sometimes I can’t remember how to spell a simple word. Sometimes I even forget what I’m writing about in the middle of the sentence. I just sit, looking at what I just wrote with no comprehension of what I was saying. Do you know or even care how much I’ve missed out on because of you? I have had to give up certain functions in my life because I had such a hard time remembering things. I feel like I lost so much of my memory of people and past events, and yet somehow I still miss them.
I’ve even started writing down names of old school friends, places I have been, and things I have done just to jog my memory. I cry when I can’t remember a relative’s name or something as simple as how to spell a word. This has been so frustrating. It’s downright painful at times. I wish I could make you hurt the way I do. I just want to be able to write and not misspell a simple word without having to use a dictionary for everything. You’ve taken away my self confidence. I WANT IT BACK. All of it. You had no right to take my memories. The more I write, the more pissed off at you I get. My grandchildren have to remind me of things. If not for them I’d be really lost. I’ve had to ask my 10-year old grandson how to spell a word, remind me of what I’m doing, remind me where I’m going.
Thankfully I have patient people around me. But, what about the people with nobody to remind them or who have no patience with them? Nobody should feel this lost and upset. Nobody should be embarrassed by their forgetfulness. This isn’t just old age, it is YOU. Someone else who does not have a “Mr. Graves” may not understand what I am talking about. But, there are thousands who do. Who feel the pain of losing a part of ourselves. What have you done to us ?
I forgot my name….but you know who I am