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The Sober Drunkard

Post Published: 09 March 2010
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Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 11 responses. Leave a comment

(Written by Louise Sopher, Hashimoto’s Patient)

Dear Thyroid,

Prior to the last few months I was constantly occupied with either irritating, hilariously irritating (and stupid), then finally, brilliant eventful occasions. I thought it was about time that we both addressed the way in which you made me turn, point and laugh at myself time after time after hilariously stupid time. Oddly I cannot remember each and every stupid and clumsy thing which you made me do not long ago and somewhere between the summer months and the end of hilariously stupid year. Still, let us try, and laugh at what I do remember:

Stupid thing number one: I lost my brand new, literally days old, Prescription Charge Exempt card (which I do actually thank you for as it is a kind gift). Well, let’s not say lost: it fell out of my wallet as I got either in or out of my car just down the road.

Now I believe that this surely must’ve been a hint by you, Thyroid, of how unappreciated you were of having more pills thrown on your head, although you cannot be angry about that considering that they are supposed to help you. And even if it wasn’t, it certainly was some kind of a reaction by you, considering that any other card could’ve dropped out at that moment – any other card. And there were quite a few.

Now, for a minute, let’s cross stupidity with luck: arriving home I was greeted with that unwelcoming “something’s missing” feeling (as if one card less made my wallet lighter!) and, after several checks of pockets and the car floor, arrived upon the conclusion: “I’ve lost a card!” Hoping to go out for a walk anyway, I decided to switch my usual walk for the minimum hour-long walk down the road, whereupon I found myself standing on the pavement aside the spot where I had that morning parked my car. And there it was: the card I’d lost, still sitting, totally unseen by anyone, waiting for me to rescue it from the streets. Cheers.

I had thought I was lucky. I had thought I was brilliantly clever. But that was just the start of it, because, lo and behold – Stupid thing number two: I sent my paychecks back to the people who sent them to me!

Now that really was stupid. And I’m talking unbelievably stupid. Thyroid, you must of been impressed with your clever act, you evil little bugger. You left me to clear that one up on my own. We victims of bullying thyroids must always work hard to clear up their mess. It’s like a kitchen full of boys: they leave a trail of their stomach-insides.

And it didn’t stop there.

Whilst enjoying walking in my absolute favourite field I would keep dropping my water bottle. One minute it would be in my hand, the next it was on the floor and I was shaking my head, dismayed at myself. It was like my hand had forgotten that it was holding something. I mean, what hand forgets why it’s open, tight around a water-bottle? Clumsy or what!

Thyroid, you turned me into a walking, perfectly sober, drunk. I kept spilling water. On the examinations results day I first dropped papers and then flipped my phone several times over before finally dropping it, receiving the comment of “smooth” from a well-observing friend. Working at a summer camp I joined in with a sports game and couldn’t catch a single ball. What a prat! No one trusted me to be on their team again!

Thyroid, thyroid, thyroid, part of me wants to swear that if you dare fall asleep again I will make sure that nothing,  changes unless it’s for the good. Nothing. And part of me, if you do that again, wants to scream and shout internally at you – wanna see me when I’m angry? Oh, no, I don’t either!

Yes, thyroid, I know it wasn’t your fault and all that rubbish – it was our immune system gone ruthless; it was your lack of being able to protect yourself…but you know you have to fight sometimes, thyroid? You have to fight.

Look at me, a matter of months ago: I could barely string a sentence together…very little time ago, every now and again, and at the moment, very rarely (please, please don’t let me talk too soon!) I am stalling over my words and going “what was I saying?“. Usually though, when this is happening at the moment it’s because I am thinking so many things at once; because part of me is working,  faster than my body can keep up with; however when you, Thyroid, are snoozing away, everything works at a snail’s pace – everything works so slow, in fact, that sentences just don’t quite work so well. What’s that saying – that things never sound as good as they did in your head, do they? Now tell me why people choose to drink when they end up like this?

Now, almost certain that the stupidity and clumsiness was now surely over but still having to tidy up the mistakes of my previous acts (receiving a phone call that a letter I’d sent had been received without a most important document) I was half-excited at a new day and half-angry at myself, and I tried to jump over something (as I quite frequently did) and ended up falling over, dislocating my shoulder. That, I hope, was the end of that.

And good riddance too!

Hoping that you will learn a lesson from your outrageous stupidity,

Your finally perfectly un-drunk outer-casing,

Louise

(Bio): Aged 18, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and I think Hashi’s about a year and a half ago. In May 2009 I saw that the first ever,  International Thyroid Awareness Week, brilliant though it was, was barely publicised anywhere except on thyroid-related sites. I created my blog: Small But Mighty: A Thyroid Life with the hope of kicking up some of that awareness for the ‘Thyroid Oblivious’ bunch, as well as offering tips to people who have thyroid disease. On my blog on Everyday Health – Life With A Headless Metabolism I’ve been writing about Changes,  and how they spin around, this way and that way, crafty little buggers, wonderful and horrible, all at once.

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11 Responses to “The Sober Drunkard”

  1. Melanie says:

    I want to thank you, Louise for the letter you wrote, It was like reading one to myself. I understand how crazy you can feel all the time. I have had hypothyroidism for 15 years now. I just couldn’t understand before why I couldn’t get a grip on things, literally. Even today I have misplaced my phone and have not found it yet. So thank you again for your letter.

  2. Dear Thyroid says:

    Hi Melanie – Very sorry to hear that you’ve been going through the same things. Thank you for bravely speaking up about it; I know it’s not easy to do.

    Let me ask you something, if you don’t mind; do you find that even with a balanced thyroid things are just as difficult and bad? Have you tried anything that’s helped improve this symptom? This and brain fog, memory issues, clumsiness, etc. are all symptoms many of us patients can’t seem to gain control over.

    Thanks for your wonderful support and comment.

    xo

  3. Lolly says:

    Louise.

    What a well written letter to your thyroid, I guess most of us can relate and are still relating to your clumsiness I must be the most clumsiest person on the planet and talk about accident prone don;t even get me started there, I have the bruises to show. I know it’s not me, I can’t blame my thyroid (well I still do) cus the buggers gone but what I can blame is my immune system and my fluctuating T levels.

    “Usually though, when this is happening at the moment it’s because I am thinking so many things at once; because part of me is working faster than my body can keep up with; however when you, Thyroid, are snoozing away, everything works at a snail’s pace — everything works so slow, in fact, that sentences just don’t quite work so well”.

    I so relate to these words or sometimes lack of them, you pit it in a nutshell.

    Great letter.

    Lolly

  4. Joanna says:

    Louise, I love that you are still able to laugh at yourself in the midst of all you’re going through. If I didn’t laugh at my forgetfulness I would be crying all the time.

    Love your letter!

    xoxo,
    Joanna

  5. Dear Thyroid says:

    Lolly – The clumsiness makes me crazy. Though I haven’t read studies on clumsiness as a symptom, 90% of the thyroid patients we’ve connected with have experienced this symptom in varying degrees. I’m so eager to know the origin and root cause.

    I love Louise’s letter, too. Thanks for sending her love and support and sharing a bit more of you with her.

    xo

  6. Dear Thyroid says:

    Joanna – Such a great point, if we can’t laugh out our thydiculous moments, how can we ever hope to get through it.

    Thanks for connecting with Louise.

    xo

  7. Melanie says:

    Dear Thyroid- When I lived in Michigan, I had a great doctor and my symptoms were not very noticable. Now that I have moved I have gone from doctor to doctor and all of my symptoms have gone crazy. My husband is a health adocate and so he has helped me with things that I eat and take, plus the way I should workout. My diet has changed for the better and I take lots of vitamins for my symptoms. My levels are off and I can’t find a good doctor to hep me out. I have posted for help too. I have started a class called kettlebell. I hope that everytime I’m in class I don’t drop or smack myself with the weight with all my clumsiness. I do know for me personally that when I am leveled out right I do feel great.

  8. Dear Thyroid says:

    Melanie – Hearing that you feel great when you’re leveled out is such an inspiration! So sorry to hear that you have a doctor that isn’t working well for you. Have you checked these links for doctors?

    http://bit.ly/4JqRMx
    http://bit.ly/90chiV
    http://bit.ly/9Etuk

    If you still can’t find a doctor, please let us know! We’re here to support you and help you in any way we can. Together, as a ‘thyamily’, we will find our way through life in the Gland Canyon.

    xo

  9. Lolly says:

    I put alot of the clumsiness down to tiredness or over thinking, like you start one job forget what you’ve done and go onto something else banging into doors on the way or hitting your head on a cupboard door you opened, looking for something that isn’t even in there or forget what the heck you were looking for in the first place only to remember hours later. How many times have I put things in the fridge when they should be in the cupboard or vise versa.

    I know it’s when my levels aren’t balanced like right, having low FT3 is a real big problem for me and the sooner I start some the better I will feel, I’m foggy brained saying all the wrong things mind going ten to the dozen but words not coming out as I want them too.

    You say when you levels are good but if you are still experiencing foggy brain and clumsiness I would be looking at them and where I should be Twise. When I am in a good place i hardly get any symptoms can’t remember how long ago that was and only for a brief time.

    It may not be listed as a symptom but think about it if you have problems sleeping then it’s bound to effect your perception and judgement leave you tongue tied and foggy brained it’s a symptom of a symptom so to speak.

    Lolly

  10. Elaine says:

    I can’t really say I have had clumsiness, but my leg has given out at odd times. I take one day at a time. Not every day is a good one. But most of them are. This disease has messed with us so much even being level I think we will have off days. I get a touch of brain fog at least a couple of times a day. I still nap. But, I can live with it. Hell, do I have a choice?

  11. Louise says:

    Thank you everyone for the comments 🙂 I’ve just spent nearly four weeks inside the jungle in Borneo and this was a really cool thing to see when I came out. Sorry I can’t stay longer to respond properly.

    There is so much more to life than sleeping.

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