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Absence Makes the Heart Go Wonder

Post Published: 26 March 2010
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Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 14 responses. Leave a comment

(Written by Elizabeth Campbell, Congenital Hypothyroid Patient)

Dear Thyroid,

You never even gave me a chance;like a father who abandons an unborn child, you abandoned me. I’ve never known you. I was only born with traces of your cells;it’s like you packed up and left a mess behind! Your stupid cells don’t even work.

All my life I’ve taken medicine to compensate for your absence (just T4), it seemed okay and honestly I never even knew to miss you! How can you miss what you’ve never had? However, looking back I see what your absence did to me. I was always in trouble at school for being a space cadet.’I blame you! If you had been there maybe I wouldn’t have been so spacey! This is something I struggle with to this day.

When I hit 20 years of age your absence became more pronounced. Every day became a battle. Weight gain, anxiety attacks, depression, etc. My medicine was adjusted and I started a very healthy diet and did great. I made it through college without you!,   But then around age 24 it happened again;I am still dealing with it and nothing seems to help!

The new doctor put me on natural thyroid;I felt amazing! It was the first time I truly understood how I was supposed to feel. Never in my whole life had I felt so well. My family was amazed! Then, suddenly I hit a wall, I went to the doctor and my TSH was 13. The new doctor upped my dosage but I still didn’t feel better and my heart started having problems. He backed me off and added T4 to a small dose of natural thyroid. Guess what Thyroid, I still feel like CRAP!

I feel like you never gave me a chance and like I will never feel well again! I feel like you don’t even care! You don’t care that I’ve never been well!!! You don’t care that I will never know what it is like to feel well! I hate you! I hate you because I never knew you! I hate you because all your absence has done is cause heartache for me and my family.

The truth is;I feel like you hate me. Why else would you leave me? Why else would you leave a three-pound, defenseless preemie without you! Why would you leave someone with the odds stacked against her already?!

Thyroid, you are selfish and lazy. I am determined to be better off without you. I will find a way!!!

Sincerely,

Elizabeth Campbell

Bio:,  My name is Elizabeth Campbell. I am 25 years old. I have congenital hypothyroidism. I am married to a wonderful man who tries to understand. I teach second grade and love my job working with kids. I am also a big sister, which is a really important part of my life as well. My grandmother was diagnosed with hypothyroidism just recently; so we try to be a team!,   This is the first time in my life that I feel really desperate for help. This is the worst I have ever felt. I have taken being hypothyroid for granted because I have always had it. This is the first time in my life that I am trying to become more informed about my disease. I often feel like people don’t take me seriously;especially doctors and even people I have known my whole life;I think they think I am a big drama queen! Check out my Facebook profile.

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14 Responses to “Absence Makes the Heart Go Wonder”

  1. Joanna says:

    Elizabeth, what a hard road you’ve had to walk. I truly admire your determined spirit. Know that you’re not alone and we’re here to support you!

    xo,
    Joanna

  2. Hypogirl says:

    Elizabeth, Oy Vey! The ups and downs of Thyroid disease. it’s terrible isn’t it? I hated trying to regulate my meds. It seems like takes forever. I hope you find the right dosage soon. Keep fighting!

  3. HD inOregon says:

    Elizabeth,

    I feel with you! Thanks for writing and sharing your story!

    Oh the medication roller coaster! Had my thyroid out over two years ago, but my doc is still fiddling with the “right” dosage, and I still feel so “not right” – being tired and down all the time.

    Hope you find the right balance soon!

    HD in Oregon

  4. Heide says:

    Elizabeth, your words resonate with the frustration you’ve had to face. What a courageous woman you must be to do such an existing, but rewarding job. you seem determined and that is powerful. Thank you for sharing your journey. I hope your balance comes quickly!

  5. Dear Thyroid says:

    Joanna – Beautifully said. I can’t imagine what Elizabeth has been through. Like you, I’m so proud of her for sharing her story with us.

    Elizabeth, you are a brave and fabulous gal. We are so grateful that you shared more of you with us.

    xo

  6. Dear Thyroid says:

    So true, HG re: getting regulated and finding the ups and downs of thyroid diseases.

  7. Dear Thyroid says:

    HD – How do you cope with being in between, as you are with your medication? Are you closer to the coveted ‘balanced roid’ than you’ve ever been?

  8. Dear Thyroid says:

    Heide – Beautiful show of support.

  9. Mari says:

    Elizabeth,

    We share a very similar story, I feel like it was years before I knew the real damage that being abandon had done. Even though my mother was diagnosed shortly after I was born I wasn’t diagnosed until I was almost 7. It has been a constant struggle and now that I have just turned 30 I think I’ve finally (fingers crossed) learned how to live a healthy happy life without ‘him’.

    I just want to let you know you’re not alone since it seems pretty rare to have thyroid disorders from birth.

    Chin up, you’re a stronger girl because of it.

    Mari

  10. Isabelle says:

    I have been living with it too, and it is a constant battle with ups and downs! Since I added T3 (Cytomel) I feel a lot better! I wish you the best!

  11. caroline lamont says:

    Elizabeth, I feel your pain and frustration, although I wasn’t diagnosed until 7 years ago, I complained to my doctor for years there was something wrong with me. I felt abandoned too, by the doctor’s and some family members.I was told I had post partem depression, that my weight gain was due to my age, my hair was falling out because I was breast feeding and my prgnancy hormones were out of wack. ” it’s called pass the bucky to the left hand side” I felt alone, I felt no one else on this planet felt the way I did. I was so disgusted with the doctors ( some of them really don’t have a clue) I say “walk one day in my shoes” You will soon change your tune! The right dose of meds is key!! I felt like I was dieing for the first year, but it turned out my meds were way too high !! caused many horrible side affects.
    Please feel that we all understand what you are going through, and care, and that you are not alone and together we will beat the odds and kick some thyroid butt!! Take care of yourself and never give up!!

  12. Donna M. says:

    I cried when I read this. It is so unfair that a defenseless child would have to go through life without a thyroid. It just makes me so angry and sad that someone would never get a chance to know their thyroid.

    Before my thyroid failed (in my mid 50’s), I thought hypothyroidism was like a car running out of gas. I thought all you had to do was “gas up” with medication, and everything would be normal. I was so ignorant!

    The sad thing is that most doctors are just as ignorant about hypothyroidism as I used to be. They think that just because your TSH is in “normal” range (a range that experts can’t even agree on), that you should feel totally normal.

    I wish every doctor could spend a month being hypo so they could understand what we go through. Maybe then they wouldn’t talk about how “easily treatable” thyroid disease is. Maybe then they would believe us when we say we don’t feel well. Maybe then they would quit forcing Synthroid on us as a “one size fits all” solution. Maybe then they would quit scoffing when we ask for natural dessicated thyroid meds or Cytomel. And after a month, I bet they would be behind on their bills because they would forget to pay them!

    Fortunately I recently found a doctor who was willing to prescribe Cytomel, and it helps. But we shouldn’t have to spend years of doctor-shopping and begging to get an effective medication! Something is very, very wrong with thyroid education in US medical schools (big sigh…)

    Elizabeth, you are NOT a drama queen, and you are NOT a lazy, whiny person. You are a thyroid patient who is suffering, and you deserve to have your symptoms treated rather than dismissed. I hope that you will find a doctor soon who will listen to you and take you seriously. And by the way, I am totally in awe that you have been able to accomplish so much in your life without a thyroid. You are an amazing young lady!

  13. Elizabeth C says:

    Thanks so much for all your kind words. I am still struggling with not feeling well and anxiety…but I am trying to come to terms with this disease.
    It is so nice to know that I have the support of others!
    Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  14. kanderso5 says:

    Elizabeth,
    I know I’m commenting on this 4 years later and I’m a little late seeing as I just joined DearThyroid today,… I hope you still use this and read my comment! lol
    I too have congenital hypothyroidism, diagnosed at age 7. I was born this way too and I felt every word you wrote. It’s so hard not knowing how a working thyroid feels. I feel like there’s a constant mystery and I see you feel the same way…abandoned. I’ve never met or spoke to anyone else with congenital hypothyroid and reading your letter really made me feel like I’m not alone. Sometimes I wonder if I suffer permanent effects from this lack of thyroid development in the womb. I wonder if trouble concentrating and things like that is just going to be consistent because my early mental development could have been altered as I was growing before I was diagnosed at 7…. It’s just so hard sometimes I feel like I’m missing something I totally see where your coming from, the periodic struggles with symptoms especially during adolescent growth spurts. Then the lingering symptoms even with med adjustments. I joined as a member to the site today because I am 23 and my levels went totally wack this year. Like I hit a wall. During this past year I’ve had my meds upped every 3 months and I feel like crap still. I find it interesting that I’m turning 24 and you were 25 when you wrote your letter and you were going through multiple medication adjustments too!
    Let me know how you’re doing since you’ve wrote this letter or if you have any advice for me! I wish you well!

    -Kara

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