Absence Makes the Heart Go Wonder
(Written by Elizabeth Campbell, Congenital Hypothyroid Patient)
You never even gave me a chance;like a father who abandons an unborn child, you abandoned me. I’ve never known you. I was only born with traces of your cells;it’s like you packed up and left a mess behind! Your stupid cells don’t even work.
All my life I’ve taken medicine to compensate for your absence (just T4), it seemed okay and honestly I never even knew to miss you! How can you miss what you’ve never had? However, looking back I see what your absence did to me. I was always in trouble at school for being a space cadet.’I blame you! If you had been there maybe I wouldn’t have been so spacey! This is something I struggle with to this day.
When I hit 20 years of age your absence became more pronounced. Every day became a battle. Weight gain, anxiety attacks, depression, etc. My medicine was adjusted and I started a very healthy diet and did great. I made it through college without you!, But then around age 24 it happened again;I am still dealing with it and nothing seems to help!
The new doctor put me on natural thyroid;I felt amazing! It was the first time I truly understood how I was supposed to feel. Never in my whole life had I felt so well. My family was amazed! Then, suddenly I hit a wall, I went to the doctor and my TSH was 13. The new doctor upped my dosage but I still didn’t feel better and my heart started having problems. He backed me off and added T4 to a small dose of natural thyroid. Guess what Thyroid, I still feel like CRAP!
I feel like you never gave me a chance and like I will never feel well again! I feel like you don’t even care! You don’t care that I’ve never been well!!! You don’t care that I will never know what it is like to feel well! I hate you! I hate you because I never knew you! I hate you because all your absence has done is cause heartache for me and my family.
The truth is;I feel like you hate me. Why else would you leave me? Why else would you leave a three-pound, defenseless preemie without you! Why would you leave someone with the odds stacked against her already?!
Thyroid, you are selfish and lazy. I am determined to be better off without you. I will find a way!!!
Bio:, My name is Elizabeth Campbell. I am 25 years old. I have congenital hypothyroidism. I am married to a wonderful man who tries to understand. I teach second grade and love my job working with kids. I am also a big sister, which is a really important part of my life as well. My grandmother was diagnosed with hypothyroidism just recently; so we try to be a team!, This is the first time in my life that I feel really desperate for help. This is the worst I have ever felt. I have taken being hypothyroid for granted because I have always had it. This is the first time in my life that I am trying to become more informed about my disease. I often feel like people don’t take me seriously;especially doctors and even people I have known my whole life;I think they think I am a big drama queen! Check out my Facebook profile.
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