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Thyme For Literary Healing: Oh, The Places You Will Go

Post Published: 09 June 2010
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Category: Literary Healing for Thyroid Patients, Thyme for literary healing
This post currently has 15 responses. Leave a comment

Before we were gifted with our respective diseases, I wonder if many of us felt invincible and, or related to the below passage from Dr. Seuss’s “Oh the Places you Will Go”.

In today’s Thyme for a literary healing, we have a few questions, we’d like you to answer. The more honest we are, the more we give of ourselves; the more we learn about our commonalities and respective diseases. I hope you’ll join us in today’s literary healing.

3 Questions:

  1. What were you and your life like before you exhibited any symptoms whatsoever?
  2. How was your self-esteem?
  3. Did you feel that anything was possible? If that’s changed, how so? And, what steps have you been taking to reclaim yourself?

The quote from Dr. Seuss’s book “Oh the Places you Will Go

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own.
And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

I’m sorry to say so
But, sadly it’s true
That bang-ups and hang-ups
Can happen to you.

On and on you will hike, And I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up of course, as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.

So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
And remember that Life’s a great balancing act.

Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

Will you succeed?
Yes you will indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

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15 Responses to “Thyme For Literary Healing: Oh, The Places You Will Go

  1. Sue says:

    Before symptoms and disease….I was thin and beautiful. But more importantly, I was me. I went about everyday knowing who I was, what I wanted to do and feeling good enough to do it. I only feared things that common sense told me to fear. I certainly didn’t know what panic attacks were. I was on top of the world with 4 young kids and was ready and set to give them a good life. I never dreamed that hypothyroidism would suck the “go” out of that plan and turn me into a fat ugly scared to death freak of nature, unable to even do simple things like leave the house to take my kids to have fun and make memories doing fun things. Instead I’ve had to stay home and make my kids miss out on so much because I don’t feel good. I went from an awesome mom and wife to a sick pathetic loser sending an image to those that love me that I’ve gone crazy. No one, not even myself can understand how a person can go on living feeling like they are dying everyday of their life. Wondering and trying to figure out what the hell it was I did in my life that was so bad that I deserved to end up this way. For 26 years I’ve been a mother and a wife, for 13 of those years I had a blast being the best I could be and my best being good enough for those around me. For the last 13 years, it’s been hell for myself and everyone around me. To me hypothyroidism is a slow scary life of hell on earth…so freakin predictable of how your day is going to go. I hate today and fear tomorrow. I hate that people around me are so sick of the way that I feel, so sick that they would probably rather see me dead and be put out of my misery and more importantly out of theirs. It’s a sad life when an illness goes on like this for so long and there is not a soul around you that understands, not a soul that has any compassion towards you or even trys to comfort you in anyway. When you hear someone complain for 13 years, it gets old, even to yourself. Self esteem. Before, I was queen of my world. Nothing could break my stride, nothing could slow me down. Now all I have are memories of someone I once knew and loved, me. I have never been a drinker or a person that did drugs, I’ve always obeyed mans law, I’ve never even had a speeding ticket. That was my life before and still is to this day. There are no more steps left to reclaim myself. I was on Armour for 10 years because I’m allergic to the synthetics…Armour took the edge off and gave me a few good days, but never quite made me myself again. The reformulated Armour nearly killed me. Went to Westhroid, it too took the edge off and I started having good days, reformulated Westhroid, nearly killed me. The is nothing left. I have no more money for doctors and test’s. I have no insurance. I fear the end is near. I am so sick of being sick, I don’t want to die. What I would give to be alive again. Oh there are times I am beautiful and feel so wonderful, times I do things with my now grown up kids, times where I go anywhere my heart desires and do so without a fear in the world, times I never feel sick and times I forget all about hypothyroidism. Yes, I have those moments….when I am sleeping, dreams are the only comfort I know.

  2. Dear Thyroid says:

    Sue – You have rendered me speechless and in tears. I feel you so hard – I understand on such a deep level, the harrowing loss and devastation of YOUR LIFE and invincibility you felt.

    I am in awe of your strength and courage to keep fighting. One day, you will feel like you again, we all will. We have to fight to reclaim ouselves. Still. We need each other to get through the hell of our respective diseases, and know that we aren’t alone.

    You are not alone. We want to hear you. We want to support you. We want to be there for you. We want to celebrate your successes and catch you when you fall.

    Very proud of you and enlightened.

    Love,
    DT

  3. christinah84 says:

    Sue, thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
    You made me speechless and I have tears in my eyes.
    I am so sorry you have to go through all this.
    It must be so devastating for you to think about everything you´ve lost.
    You are an amazing woman and I admire your strength and courage to keep on fighting this disease while trying to be there for your family.
    You are not alone in this.Even though it might seem like most of the people can not understand what is happening to you,we do!
    Whenever you need to rant,vent or someone to listen we will be there.
    Keep on fighting!
    Love,
    Christina

  4. Dear Thyroid says:

    Very well said, Christina – How do you feel about self esteem? What’s your posture on the matter?

    xo

  5. Nicole Wells says:

    Dear Sue,

    People who don’t live with these diseases have a hard time understanding what it makes us. However, you’re amongst people who do understand right here. Your story made me cry, and not only for you – it’s because I completely understand and have felt what you have felt. I understand being just a body to walk around in, with the former self inside either hiding or just GONE. When you live like this for so long, it’s hard to see where the end is – but it’s there, and I hope you continue to fight and tell yourself everyday that you’re not going to put up with this bullshit anymore, and that you’re going to get healthy again.

    What helped me was writing mantras on my bathroom mirror weekly. I was forced to see them, even when I just didn’t want to deal. I hope you find your own unique way to make little positive changes to hang onto daily. They start adding up over time, like a rope, and you’ll be able to pull yourself out of this thyroid bullshit. I’m still hanging onto mine, and it will take time before I get to the top – but that’s ok.

    Lots of love, and you’re in my thoughts. Take care xoxo

  6. Dear Sue,

    I am so sorry to hear your pain and know what you are going through because I go through that also. I haven’t been as ill for as long as you, but already I feel like I have given up hope of ever feeling well again.

    I am sad to say that I feel that we have lost almost all of our friends because they simply can’t deal with it or take the time to even try and understand. I miss having girlfriends around me who are there for me and know the real me. I feel there is hardly anything left for me here in Germany. Furthermore, I feel a loser because it feels like my work (at which I was once so talented) is slowly slipping away from me. My fiancé says it’s the economy, but I feel so insecure at the moment that I tend to blame myself. Maybe it’s a good thing that I don’t have so much work right now because I still sleep so much despite the fact that my oh so good doctor tells me that my thyroid is balanced and that the lack of energy is due to thyroid-related high blood sugars. However, since I’ve been on his “magic medicine” to lower my blood sugars I have felt worse than ever due to the gastrointestinal side effects. I feel like I am giving up hope and at the same time feel bound to be positive for everyone around me because this is who I am and who I want to be.

    Know that you are not alone and that we at Dear Thyroid will be there for you as much as we can!

    Love and hugs,

    Sarah

  7. Sue says:

    Thank you! You all are so caring and I appreciate it! Despite all that I said, I try so very hard to have a positive outlook every day of my life. But when I get to the point where after I’ve been up for awhile and my arms and legs start to go numb and I am so dizzy it feels like I’ve been drugged and I can barely stand up, I get scared that this is it. I didn’t feel THAT bad when my TSH was over 150, right now its at 43. I told my husband last night that I actually think I know that feeling you feel just before you die. Of course he had nothing to say. He never does. I’ve never been an angry or violent person but here lately, I’m finding myself really getting pissed, so much to the point that I’ve actually hit myself in the head thinking maybe a good blow will make me or break me. I need so many tests done but can’t afford them. I thank my husband often for not providing health insurance for me. Sarcastically of course. He always said insurance wasn’t important. Dumb ass. I’m not depressed in the sense that I can’t enjoy things, I’m depressed in the sense that I don’t feel good enough to do things, I’m sure you all understand that. If for some odd reason I’m feeling good, like one day in February, oh man, I was outta here!! What I’m trying to say is I’m not depressed depressed, I just don’t feel good and there is nothing I can do about it. I really do feel so bad I fear the end is near. There is no place in the area I live in that will treat you when you don’t have insurance unless you prepay and I don’t have the money to do that. Even if I did, I want answers, not just a prescription for some silly medicine that will have a zillion side effects and half assed cover up the reason I feel so dizzy and numb. I want to know the cause for feeling so ill and then go from there. I’ve yet met a doctor smart enough to figure me out. When it was tax time and I had to figure up how much we spent on medical last year, that total was was 6232.00 and that was all on me. I was so sick last year and it took me from Feb. until Aug. to figure out that Armour had been reformulated and that it was the Armour making me so sick. What cracks me up is I’ve had hypothyroidism for 13 years and all the testing I’ve ever had done is TSH and FT3 and FT4 and the FT tests were because I insisted on them. I have never been able to get any doctor to test my adrenal function. I’ve already been through the change but I’m sure my female hormones must be out of whack. Shoot I can’t even get a doctor to check my Vit. B, C, D or Mag. levels. They always say “oh those test’s are so exspensive and unnecessary.” So with all that said, and not feeling good, that’s my depression. Lack of proper knowledge and care from money sucking doctors. Like I said, where else is there to turn to? I’ve thought a thousand times about leaving and just showing up somewhere and acting like I have amnesia just to see what all tests and treatment I would get then..lol The last time I went to a hospital with hypothyroidism was in November, after the reformulated Armour thing, my TSH was over 150 and the dumb asses only checked my TSH and were going to give me Cytomel…I told the doctor in the first place you didn’t even check my T3 and in the second place, my chart clearly states that I’m allergic to that, why you trying to give me something that would kill me??? He said because that is what the Endo on the phone told me to give you. Such a vicious thing to have, thyroid problems when doctors are so uneducated. Well, I just got a phone call that my husband is in the ER, he cut his had pretty bad. I bet he’s going to wish he had insurance!

  8. Sue, your honesty is beautiful. You have written the words that so many want to speak but don’t know how to get out. Thyroid diseases and cancers change us so much that some days we don’t recognize the person staring back at us in the mirror. It is so so so very hard to learn to love the new person. Change is inevitable. We all change whether we want to or not, but learning to accept and embrace that change is not an easy task, especially when the change is affecting every aspect of your life. There is no formula that can be passed on to learn to embrace change. There is no easy way. But keep talking, Sue. We’ll be your lifeline if you let us, if you want us to. You are not alone.

    xoxo,
    Joanna

  9. Debra says:

    Sue,

    It’s like we are living the same life. I feel like I died the day I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I’ve spent the last 2 years going to doctors, getting every test possible, taking 4 different medications ( which don’t work ), and I’m sicker now then I’ve ever been.

    I’ve lost my family and friends, I’ve become a total recluse, I tried to end my life twice, I have no hair left, I can’t stand looking in the mirror, I feel horrible, I look horrible, and I wish for death every day.

    Not one doctor I’ve been to has ever tried to help me. I’ve spent thousands of dollars just trying to find one with enough compassion to even try. I wish I had cancer, maybe then I could get some medical care. How sad that a person wishes for cancer, so that a doctor will take them seriously.

    The depression I have from this disease is unbearable. Leaving this life will be such a relief for me. It’s just sad that i have to die from a treatable disease.

  10. Lori says:

    Sue – I am crying for you and with you. I have been exactly where you are and feel your words like they are mine. I wanted my life over too. I thought I couldn’t take another day of the hell. I had lost any friends long ago. family stayed away. I was in so much physical pain and had so many complications from being diagnosed with everything under the sun but Hashi’s for years, I wished a truck would run me over every time I went out the door. some family thought it was the pain medication I was taking that turned me into a moody freak but as far as I was concerned, it kept me half way sane at the time. the burning nerve pain was unbearable. that attitude and judgement still stings to this day but I can’t focus on that. I don’t wish this on them or expect them to understand because they can’t, but some understanding about the meaning of “CHRONIC” illness would be nice. We do understand Sue and we are always here.

    Sue, can I ask you if you live in the US? There are resources that might be helpful. There are no cost or low cost clinics depending on your situation. These clinics do exist. It’s worth a try. YOU ARE WORTH IT. The website is http://www.needymeds.com. You can look up where clinics are in each state on that website. You have to keep fighting. I know you have trouble with meds but there has to be something or a combination that can at least give you improvement, or help you to figure you why you didn’t do well on those meds. I had similar problems but did end up doing ok on the new formulation of Armour by dissolving it under the tongue. I thought the only change was the addition of more cellulose but I certainly could be wrong about that. If I can help you out with that web site, please contact me.

    Love and Gentle Hugs,
    Lori♥

  11. Elizabeth says:

    Sue, Sarah and Debra – Please don’t give up! I’ve been at that place where death seems preferable to the pain these diseases inflict on us and on our loved ones. WHEN we beat this, we’ll be back so much stronger than before! Hold on to hope.
    It’s the hardest thing to keep fighting when you are so tired and so beaten down. After I was diagnosed, I stayed in bed for about 3 days, without even trying to get up. I was so relieved to know that I wasn’t just being lazy; I was SICK. Sometimes I still have to remind myself. I’m NOT crazy. I’m NOT lazy. I’m NOT fat because I can’t control my eating. I’m NOT unhealthy because I lack self-disciplne. I’m NOT stupid. These things are NOT who I am, and I bet they’re NOT who you are, either! I AM a loving woman, and I care about my family. I AM intelligent, and I educate myself about my disease. I AM a hard worker, and I try to make the changes necessary to get as healthy as possible. WE are strong women fighting an insidious foe.
    I am also SICK. I FEEL depressed, exhausted and ugly. I wish this would just go away. I’d love a vacation, but where would I go? I can’t get away from myself. I want to be healthy. I want to have the energy to Do Things with my kids. I want the energy to Do my husband! I want my brain to function again. I want to be dependable. I want to make plans for the day that DON’T include a nap! I want to be beautiful on the OUTSIDE, too.
    If I had another kind of disease, people would understand. They would bring me casseroles and send me cards. If I LOOKED sick, people wouldn’t expect me to just KEEP GOING. They wouldn’t look down on me so much. If I was anorexic, they would check me into a treatment facility. If I had a mastectomy due to breast cancer, they’d be wearing ribbons and marching for a cure. I don’t look sick. I look like any other over-weight American, so I couldn’t be THAT sick, right?
    The truly amazing thing is, my self-esteem is better now than it has ever been in my life. This disease has given me a reason to fight to get well, and not just physically. It knocked me down so hard that I couldn’t pretend to be ok, anymore. The mask I’d created took too much energy to maintain. In addition to my endocrinologist, I also regularly see a counselor to work through those things about myself from which I can no longer hide. I have also found a deeper faith that anyone can message me about, even though I can’t share it here. Talking with others who have been where I am, to thyrant and thyrave, is so wonderful! Hashis has taken my physical health, but it has given me the chance to recover my emotional health.
    I hope all of us affected by problems with our thyroids can find the medical care we need. If we all keep going, if we all keep squawking, if we stay in the doctor’s faces, they’ll figure out they HAVE to deal with us! We are worth it!

  12. Sue says:

    I am back from the ER, wow my husband really cut his hand bad! I walked in there and told him I’d been thinking all day about going to the hospital but not for something like him cutting his hand. He is a good man and always has been a good provider, even paying medical bills. But with the way the economy is now its really hit our construction business hard and we just can’t afford things anymore. He just has not been a believer in insurance! And even though I know he loves me and cares for me and would do anything for me, he just does not know how to show compassion when I’m feeling so sick. He just kind of stares at me..lol

    You guys are all so awesome! I know you guys all “get it”, too bad we all don’t live closer so we can be friends and help each other out without having to use the internet.

    Lori, omg, Yes, the burning nerve pain!!!! I know what you are talking about, but there wasn’t a damn doctor I went to that understood what I was describing to them. One dumb doctor wanted to put me on seizure medicine for it!!!! What the heck!! I will def. check that website out, thank you! And, I am in Indiana.

    With so many millions of people on this planet with thyroid issues you would think that the medical profession would have a fix for this by now. You would think that there would be people raising money for a cure. You would think that someone other than ourselves would take this seriously. I am a fighter and I do keep fighting, but it is getting really hard not to just give up. Positive words from kind people like you that share the same horrible life that I know, that’s the kind of thing that could give a person new strength!! I thank you for that!

    Debra, long time no hear! I sent you an email back when you mentioned your husband was going to take you to get help. I didn’t hear from you so I thought maybe you got help and were doing better. I hope I have the right Debra! If so, send me an email!!!!

    Elizabeth, I agree with all you said!!

    Joanna, Yes!!!! Please all of you be my lifeline!!

    Sarah, Bless your heart! I hope you get feeling better too. And always remember that it’s this horrible thyroid crap robbing you and keeping you from doing the things you love to do.

    Christinah, DT and Nicole I’m sorry my story made you cry. It makes me cry. You know how people say that sometimes a good cry will make you feel better??? I have to laugh at that, because if it were true….I’d feel like a million bucks, I’m sure we all would.

    Thank you all for such nice words of encouragement!!!

  13. Thanks for your words of kindness, Sue and Elizabeth. I know that I’m not alone and that what I’m going through is pretty common. I almost didn’t want to share this because I felt selfish talking about my own problems, but my fiancé encouraged me to, telling me that sometimes it is comforting to know that others are going through similar shit.

    The support on this site is always very inspiring! I’m having a better day today, but you know how it is – my moods and energy seem to fluctuate. I had a great workout with my personal trainer this morning. Despite a late night and lots of booze (we tried out a new Korean restaurant yesterday evening), I did surprisingly well at my workout session. Up until recently, we had had to cut our sessions down to half an hour, but now I think I am ready to do an hour again.

    Hope everyone has a good day. Hope your hubby feels better soon, Sue!

  14. Bee says:

    you all have been so honest,painfully honest and i’m so glad you felt comfort in expressing your true feelings knowing that all of us here would never poo-poo your pain or diminish or trivialize anything you’ve said. Tht said, iwill be honest and let you know that i worry when i feel your words dripping with despair. I worry that you might do something to put an end to your pain-and i beg you to never give up hope -if enough of us work together to put a face to thyroid disease we just may see cure or at least an improvement in care in our lifetimes

  15. Dear Thyroid says:

    Bee – Of course you wouldn’t trivialize or diminish anyone’s honest emotions. You make a great point. I also think that when we vent/rant; we empower ourselves. I think it’s important for us to get it all out, regardless of how painful, angry and frustrated we are.

    As you said, WE MUST ALSO FIGHT FOR A CURE and better thyroid care. And, and, and, WE MUST NEVER GIVE UP. WE HAVE TO FIGHT FOR OURSELVES. WE ARE WORTH IT!!!

    xo

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