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Torn Away from Me, I Still Bear your Scars
Dear Thyroid,
We broke up two years ago, and I still have the scars.
I didn’t believe you were bad for me, everyone said that you were. I kept you around for a while not wanting to buy into the truth: you made my heart race, you made it hard to sleep, I felt a lump in my throat every time I swallowed. You are part of me. I love you.
I didn’t want to hear my mom say you were bad for me. My doctors didn’t know what they were talking about. Then the day came. You were torn from my neck-thyroid, parathyroids, 12 lymph nodes and all. I cried. I didn’t know how I could live without you.
As it turns out, life is hard with out you. I’m horrible I can’t take my pills as I should; I can’t visit the doctor as I’m told. I don’t want to feel bad, and I feel worse now, but I’ll be okay. You were a part of me.
I love you
-Rachel
Bio: Rachel is 28 and reluctantly creeping into 29 next week. When the act of remembering to take her 175mcg of synthroid isn’t enough to stress her out, she is working toward a second turn in school getting a degree in microbiology and medical lab technology for good measure.
Tags: Dear Thyroid Letters, hyperthyroid symptoms, I Still Bear Your Scars, Love Letters, symptoms post thyroidectomy, Thyroidectomies, thyroidectomy community, thyroidectomy support, Torn Away From Me
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11 Responses to “Torn Away from Me, I Still Bear your Scars”
Leave a Reply to MollyH78
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Thanks for your letter Rachel, I can feel the pain you’re enduring just from reading it!
I hope you can get through the grieving process – and believe it is a grieving process – and find a better quality of life soon xxx
Thanks for writing this!!! It is definitely a healing process and I’m so glad you’re beginning down it and sharing it with us!!!
xo
Melissa
Fuzzy, I felt the same way. I felt Rachel’s pain and the way she sort of lightly touched it, do you know what I mean? I just love this letter so much.
I love what you wrote about the grieving process. This is something to grieve and mourn about.
Melissa – beautifully said. Totally agreed.
xo
Rachel, thank you so much for sharing this letter with us. I love that you love your thyroid. I feel your emotional pain caused by its absence. I love that you’re finding a way to move on with life apart from your thyroid–very inspiring! Good luck w/ your degrees.
Oh, and happy birthday! I hope 29 proves to be a great year for you!
xoxo,
Joanna
rachel
im a newby in this thyriod group. i was just diagnosed with thyroid cancer a couple weeks ago and will be having a thyroidectomy, a nodule, and possibly some lymph nodes removed in a couple of weeks. i dont know the feelings you are feeling, i can only imagine that i will feel some of the same. thank you for taking the time to share as i have found you all to be very helpful.
for me i feel betrayed is that something you felt? my thyroid let me down. since it decided to leave me hanging my life has been anything but good. did you ever feel this wqay before they took yours from you? please if you do have some time id love to chat, i know your busy with your studies and im very proud of you for living on. that is so awesome and inspiring, life after your thyroid.
i wish you only the best and just know you have a friend in me. good luck in your future endevors…BIG HUGS.
GINA
oh and i forgot the most important thing of all……..HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
gina
Rachel
I know how you feel about not wanting to have your thyroid removed! I am scheduled to have a total throidectomy next Wednesday(6/30/10) and I am nervious! Everyone says it is the best and only course of action but I sometimes doubt! Scared how I will feel after and upset about having a scar(I know that’s vain but it’s how I feel)! Thank you for writing this I am glad to see someone else feels the same! My thyroid even broken is part of me!
April
april,
i feel you on this one. im sched for mine on 7/13 one week before my 34th bday. im scared, im upset about the scar, and the nerves have going nuts these days. im sending you tons of support and lots of positive energy. your right its awesome that people like rachel and others share with us, it helps get us through those tough times. you can do this.. ill be thinking of you. if you need anything feel free to call or write. im no pro on the subject but im going through my own battle too and we can lift each other up.
smiles and hugs,
gina
I almost did not pop on here today, as I thought it would give me even more anxiety than I have been feeling the past few days. This anxiety has given me migraines, upset my stomach and made it almost impossible to get out of bed.
I too will be having a thyroidectomy and lymph node dissections on July 6th. I have thyroid cancer, am 32, have an 8 year old son and a husband who is in remission for the past year from melanoma. I have a lot to be anxious about and a lot to be strong for.
But, reading your letter today, I realize, it is ok to be in this funk. I can be here, in this place of being scared, tired, angry and downright let down from a thyroid that has, up to now, given me the illusion of being fine. But it hasn’t been fine, and I will wallow in this for a while. And now I am ok with that. When it is taken, I will cry, and I am ok with that. When I am exhausted and sore, I will curse in the ways I need to and I and everyone else with be ok with that. And then, I will live. I will move on from the funk and leave it behind me. I will find my new strength, although different from now, it will get me through to see past the illusions.
And I will live.
And so will you.
I guess we all deserve the relish in the funk. Sit in it, roll around in it, and then get up, brush ourselves off and be ok. My thoughts are with you and hopefully when you are ready, you can crawl out of your funk. I would love to hear when that is, and when I am crawling out of mine, I actually feel there are lots of hands around this beautiful place I have stumbled upon, that will help pull me out too.
Thank you for writing today. You helped me a lot.
Molly
Hi Rachel,
I loved your letter. I miss my thyroid too, I was so naive to think a pill could replace it. I hope you get to a better place soon, it is hard when you feel like crap. Good luck with your studies. It’s awesome that you are going into the medical field. We need you. Happy 29th Birthday. I hope by your 30th you will be here kicking ass, feeling better and telling us what we need to do 🙂 Big hugs and thank you so much for sharing!
Donna