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The Price Of Admission On The Hyperthyroid Train Is…

Post Published: 14 July 2010
Author:
Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 25 responses. Leave a comment

Dear Amanda:

Hello to my host body that is Amanda,

I see that you are living on the edge with finances, a unemployable 19-year old son who has social and emotional problems (and no insurance), a spouse’s layoffs, caring for your parents, dogs, cat, car trouble, 150-year old farmhouse in need of repairs, working three jobs. Yeah, I saw all that but I still wanted to make myself known. Sure, you take care of yourself and your family. You eat right, grow your own organic vegetables, work in the woods cutting firewood with hubby, walk, no smoking, no junk food, no fast food, and stay away from drugs and alcohol.

I get it…but I want your attention RIGHT NOW. Stop what you are doing, sit down and feel that old heart pounding through your chest…count the beats… not fast…just hammering away. No no no, silly, deep calming breaths won’t help. Now pick up your knitting needles and work on that lace scarf for your daughter. Yes, the one with the nice pattern, fairly simple repeat. Look at you go! Look at the needles wobble and smack together. Look at you fuck up the pattern. Look, you are back knitting… lace. Yeah right. Pull it all out and start over.

Wheee! This is fun. What else can we do?  90 degree humid weather?  Bring it on, you don’t mind sitting around in sweat-soaked clothing at work…in the air conditioning. Hell, you did that in March and April—what difference will 50 or 60 degrees make?  Now at work, concentrate…concentrate…oh look, who just walked by?  Now answer the phone, research info for the boss, send out requests, balance the budget, and check email. Repeat about 100 times. How many typos are there? How many words are spelled completely backwards?  How many phone calls answered “hullo?” or just pick up the phone and forget to say anything—that’s the best.

Yay! You are fun to mess with. Silly you, think you can beat the brain fog with note taking, pop-up reminders and cell phone alarms? Whatever. The minute you walk down the hall, you will forget where you were going…and possibly forget to come back.

It is so cool how worried you are about eating anything that “might” cause gas (or worse). Even cooler when you don’t expect it and suddenly *BAM* there you are fast-walking to the ladies room. What a hoot! Of course your eating is freaking you out, since you are always hungry/eating…. but the scales say otherwise. You sort of don’t mind that… but I am pretty sure you are losing muscle/strength.

Remember yesterday?  When you sat in your office wondering if you could wheel down the hall to the supply closet in your office chair?  Too bad you chickened out, your boss would have loved seeing you toot on by his office… with your freak flag flying. Maybe another time.

So you keep rescheduling appointments, freaking out, and being afraid to ask for help. Look how well it is working for you?  What a ride this will be!

Lots of love to you,

Your Oppositional Thyroid

bio:  Amanda is a 44 year old woman who has lived in rural Vermont all of her life. I work hard, live simple, and love with all my heart. My thyroid issue began exactly on March 17th this year, hyperthyroid is my initial diagnosis. This is all surreal to me. First endo appointment next week (yes, I have rescheduled… will try not to freak out and do it again).

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25 Responses to “The Price Of Admission On The Hyperthyroid Train Is…”

  1. Donna says:

    Hi Amanda, Thanks for the letter. It was lovely and speaks to many of us. I am a follicular thyroid cancer survivor and just went through a hyper stage and understand exactly how you feel. You can get to a better place if you have the right endo, you do not need to suffer like you are. It takes time but you can get those levels under control. Please let us know how you make out. We are here for you and you are not alone. Hugs!

    Donna xo

  2. faeanna says:

    “Remember yesterday? When you sat in your office wondering if you could wheel down the hall to the supply closet in your office chair?”

    I hear you on this one. I feel this way when I’m hypo or hyper. If I’m hypo, I don’t have the energy for anything, and when I’m hyper, I get short of breath and sweaty so easily. Hang in there, and make it to your appointment! It will get better.

  3. Amanda says:

    Donna,
    Thank you for reading. My first real endo appointment is actually tomorrow. I called them this morning to confirm, so I wouldn’t chicken out. I hope this will help, but I don’t think I will ever be the old me again. Maybe that will be ok.

    Amanda

  4. Amanda says:

    faeanna,

    The cool thing about me wanting to roll around in my chair, is that I could in my office. Probably someone would even push me, or want to race! I am hanging in, and will have a report tomorrow about the first endo appointment.

    Amanda

  5. Thanks for sharing with us, Amanda! I can identify with you about walking down the hall only to forget where you were going! The thymentia can be a bear.

    I hope your appointment with the endo goes well–keep us posted!

    xoxo,
    Joanna

  6. Amanda says:

    Joanna,
    Thank you. I have so many reminders and beepers going off to remind me, but I still lose it. I will update about my appointment.

    Amanda

  7. Melissa Travis says:

    Hello Amanda!!
    Still have my fingers crossed for your appointment!!! Thank you for writing your beautiful letter!

    You’re beautiful and amazing. Keep coming here to heal and share.

    many loving hugs!
    x
    Melissa

  8. yogichic says:

    Amanda, thanks for sharing your story with us. I chuckled as I read your letter because your words struck a chord in me that made me laugh out loud.

    I’ve had so many appointments with my doctor since last Ausut that we are now BFF.

    Please do keep us informed with your latest happenings.
    ☮ ♥
    Monica

  9. Linny says:

    Dear Amanda,
    Does it seem we woman have to carry the world? I do believe we {all women} are burning ourselves up by doing everything…..could this be why we’re breaking? Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband but so much rests on our shoulders. I like to say, my husbands retired but I’m just tired! He still works part-time but you know what I mean!!!!

  10. Amanda says:

    Melissa,
    Thank you. I have high hopes for this appointment also. Not expecting a cure…. but an answer would be nice.

    Amanda

  11. Amanda says:

    Monica,

    I am glad you laughed at my story, I thought it was funny and that gave me the courage to send and share. Thank you for reading.

    Amanda

  12. Dear Thyroid says:

    Amanda;

    Thank you for sharing your journey so far with us. Your letter was honest, funny and very forthcoming. That takes moxie, m’dear.

    xo

  13. Amanda says:

    Linny,

    Thank you for reading. Until I began to feel sickly, I never thought about all the things I do every day. To me, it isn’t much… but when I am going in circles it sure seems to add up quicker. I really wonder if I haven’t done this to myself, trying to do everything and then some. I am sure I will not find that answer.

    Amanda

  14. Amanda says:

    “Dear Thyroid” ,
    Thank YOU.

    Amanda

  15. Linny says:

    Amanda I see you as a very giving person with a good heart. Bless you and hope you feel better soon. xxxLinny

  16. Linny says:

    forgive me for saying this but I think 3 jobs is a lot! I just want you to get better, I know for myselve I was trying to hard to be all things to everyone. I found it hard but one of the changes I made was starting to say NO. I couldn’t do it all and it was killing me.
    Please don’t find me rude, but if we can help each other we must be able to say what we’ve learned.
    ////That being said and off my mind, please take care of yourself. I was widowed and raised small children alone. It was hard to ask for help. I was convinced I could do it all. Eventually I got sick, I almost had a heart attack and then they found GRAVES!
    I will always have it. But now I take care of myself first, then I can help others. Just like on the plane when they say “first put the mask on yourself, then help others. My best to you.

  17. Amanda says:

    Linny,
    Its ok, I know 3 is a lot. I just needed to help keep the bills paid while hubby’s employment has ups and downs. No worries ok? I don’t think I am superwoman, I have limits and shut down when needed. My “career” employer is very understanding of my time and schedule. If I need to sleep late, I do.. .If I want to leave and go home for a snooze… I do. The 2 side jobs are part time. 🙂

  18. Lolly says:

    Amanda,

    What a brilliant letter told by your thyroid and how it effects you or wants too, lets hope that you come out on top and kick that sucker into touch.

    Lolly

  19. Amanda says:

    Lolly!
    Thank you for reading. I feel like the thyroid is bullying me, so it would be nice to give it a good swift kick.

    Amanda

  20. Nicole Wells says:

    Hi Amanda,

    I loved your letter, and fffffuck do I know what you’re going through. Thank you for your honesty, and good luck at your appointment!

    Heart,

    Nix

  21. Amanda says:

    Nicole,
    I bet you know… your column always hits close to home with me. Thank you for reading.

    Amanda

  22. Sarah Downing says:

    Dear Amanda,

    Thank you very much for sharing your letter. It must be so tough for you right now trying to keep up with everything, particularly because thyroid disease tends to force us to slow down whether we’d like to or not. Being a woman today is such a challenge sometimes. We are sometimes faced with the double burden of fulfilling the old roles (kids and home), whilst carrying the new burden of being a multitasking career woman. I think society really does expect us to be wonderwomen. And then, of course, there are money issues that mean we have no other choice but to take on several jobs. Interestingly, I once also read that autoimmune disease tends to affect those who are ambitious and multitasking Type A personalities, although of course we don’t always choose to be that way – sometimes that’s just the way we feel we need to be or the way we want to be. I am so sorry you are going through this and wish you lots and lots of luck for your endo appointment. Please do keep us posted!

    Love and hugs,

    Sarah

  23. Amanda says:

    Sarah,
    Thank you. I do have type A tendencies, and usually justify it with “easier to do it myself”, because it is.

    On my way to my appointment now. Blah.

    Amanda

  24. Sarah Downing says:

    I can totally relate, Amanda, as I also have type A tendencies and am a bit of perfectionist. I also prefer to do things myself because I know I will do them properly. Good luck with your appointment!

    Love,

    S

  25. Nicole Wells says:

    Hey Amanda,

    I’m happy that my column helps! I’m here for that, so you just let me know if you got any questions, ok? Don’t hesitate to ask…

    xoxo!!

    Nicole

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