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Best Thyroid One-Liners, Real Thystoppers

Post Published: 07 August 2010
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Category: Best Thyroid One-Liners Real Thystoppers, thyroid humor, Thyroid Patient Perspective Posts
This post currently has 23 responses. Leave a comment

Because we’re mixing it up today, that’s just the way we roll, as you know, we thought it would be so much fun to write about the most hysterical, ignorant, lame ass, ?!, thyroid one-liners. For example, one of my FORMER endocrinologists said “What do you do, eat whole pies?” How brilliant – being severely hypo post RAI and having put on enough wait to rival a linebacker, boy was that a wicked smart comment. Whether your doctor, friend, family or whoever it may be said something in any of the aforementioned categories, we want to hear about it.

Make us laugh. Make us cry. Make us angry. Mostly, let’s learn more about what we’ve experienced/endured as a community by, once again, sharing our stories in our words.

Ready? Set. Write.

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23 Responses to “Best Thyroid One-Liners, Real Thystoppers”

  1. Mollyh1978 says:

    A friend of mine(not really anymore) asked me about the large bruises on my neck(after my thyroid biopsies) and I told her they were testing my thyroid even though I wanted to cry since I had just talked to my Dr. About results. She then said without hesitation, “I wish I had something wrong with my thyroid. That way I can get meds so I could loose weight!” I looked at her and said “Oh really? Well you may want to rethink what you want, because I have cancer.”

    • Paula says:

      I guess you could have told her: “You know, I have heard about a very permanent and effective form of weight loss. It’s called death, you should look into it.”

      *snickers*

  2. Elaine Bastajian says:

    One of my friends noticed a lump on my neck in the early 1980s when I was in my early 30s.

    I asked two of my doctors about it. One was my dermatologist who taught at UCLA and the other was my gynecologist whose office partner was an endocrinologist.

    They both said “If it doesn’t hurt or get bigger, don’t worry about it.”

    When I finally had it biopsied a few years later, my doctor told me over the phone on a Friday night “It looks like cancer, but try not to worry.”

    Molly~~people can be so ignorant, can’t they?

  3. Dear Thyroid says:

    Molly – O – M – G. THAT FLOORED ME AND GAVE ME THE CHILLS. I AM SO OUTRAGED FOR YOU. I CAN’T BELIEVE THE AUDACITY AND THE NERVE. WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

  4. Dear Thyroid says:

    Elaine – I can’t believe your dermo or your gyno didn’t do anything. Do you have a good doctor now? Are you still in LA? do you need referrals. I’m getting off topic.

    UNBELIEVABLE. I am so sorry about the way you learned about having cancer. How did you deal with it? How did you feel?

    • Elaine Bastajian says:

      Thanks, DT! I’m going to go off topic, too :~)

      I went to a couple of endos in the South Bay for the first couple of years, then found out that I could go to City of Hope in Duarte, CA for free.

      I wasn’t able to work full time and haven’t been able to since. My Cobra ran out in ’92, so I haven’t had insurance since then and I’m not eligible for disability.

      I was a patient there for ten years, but they kicked me out ’02 because I was doing fine, cancer-wise, but not otherwise.

      I found an excellent endo in Pasadena who I paid for out of pocket. He is excellent (teaches at USC and is Chief of Staff at Huntington) and I desperately wish I hadn’t moved!!! I felt the best I had felt in 16 years when I moved to Portland in’06 and now I feel like crap again
      :~(

      I’ve gone to about 6 or 7 doctors here and am now seeing an endocrinologist at Oregon Health and Sciences University. I am lucky to be able to go to OHSU for free, too.

      Of course, nothing is simple~~my doctor at OHSU went out on emergency medical leave a few months ago and is not coming back, so they are in the process of looking for someone to replace her!

      None of the other endos there are taking new patients, but they will look at my labs until a replacement is found. I’m due for labs in a couple of week~~I’m feeling a bit hyper.

      While it’s certainly sad to hear so many other horror stories, at least with DT, we know we are not alone.

      pupmom~~absolutely incredible!!!

  5. pupmom59 says:

    When I was first diagnosed as hyperthyroid, my Physicians Assistant said she had “several female patients who would be VERY jealous of me because now I could lose weight easily”. This is while I am sitting in her office with a resting heart rate over 100, high blood pressure, dizziness, bad tremors and severe muscle weakness. I just looked at her and said it`s a helluva way to lose weight!

    • Dear Thyroid says:

      Puppy – OMG SQUARED. I AM NAUSEAS. LITERALLY ABOUT TO TOSS MY COOKIES. The image of you sitting there, suffering and the nerve of this dame to say that to you; what did you say? Did you burst into tears? Did you rant your guts out? How did you handle it? I’M SO SORRY.

      • pupmom59 says:

        Dear Thyroid,
        I don`t know if she was really that stupid or if she put her foot in her mouth in a lame attempt to make me feel better. Like I said, I did tell her it was a helluva way to lose weight and also that I wouldn`t wish it on my worst enemy. Of course, by then if looks could kill, she would have been dead. I tried to remain calm though, getting upset would have just sent my pulse and blood pressure higher, and I didn`t need that! By the time she left the room she knew she had blown it big time. One thing for sure though, I have not and will not see her again. It is my family doctor or my endo only from now on.

  6. An oldie but a goodie for you…

    My friend didn’t know the difference between a hemorrhoid and a thyroid so for over a year, he thought I had cancer of the asshole.

    • Dear Thyroid says:

      Wow, Chris – What a schmuck. unbelievable. Awareness and education, baby. Oh, do we need that. How did you feel? Did you end up explaining it to him?

    • Paula says:

      HA HA HA!!! I keep trying to think of something witty to say, but then I start laughing again! HA HA HA!!

      I wish I had that in my arse-enal when I was going through thyroid cancer! HA HA HA!!!

  7. Donna says:

    Unbelievable bullshit we have had to endure! People can be so insensitive and clueless. I have experienced the garden variety of opinions about my cancer. The severity of thyroid disease is not easy for many to understand either. I am going to think about this and write a letter! Good subject.

  8. Katie says:

    Best one liner I ever received about my illness came from a doctor who I went to because my synthroid/beta blocker drugs did not mix well and I was being poisoned by the combo. Thus my breasts throbbed with swelling and began excreting milk or whatever it was excreting. This doctor had her nurse call me and say, “Maybe your husband should not fondle your breasts so hard.”
    OMG – I returned the one liner with, “Maybe the quack doctor should stop reading hard core lovey dovey books and realize my husband has not touched me in a month!” I never went to that quack again!! My children’s pediatrician told me to go off of the meds and I felt much better very soon after….other than the hyper hypo uncontrollable cycle I was on with the undiagnosed Hashi’s.

  9. Amanda says:

    In the short time that I have been hyperthyroid, I have heard so many stupid “one liners”. Here are a few…

    “Hyperthyroid? Lucky you aren’t hypothyroid!”
    “Thyroid problem? Isn’t that what people say when they get fat?”
    “What is a thyroid?”
    “I wouldn’t take the meds”

    These comments really floor me, as all the others people have shared. The best comment…

    “I wish I could take science this year, so I could make sure when we went over “Thyroid” information that everyone paid attention”. quoted by my lovely 17 year old daughter

  10. Megan says:

    When telling a friend I had thyroid cancer, she said “Your thyroid…isn’t that in your thigh?”

    Also when my radiation oncologist told me about the radioactive iodine therapy I needed and the resulting 2 weeks of isolation from my family, I started to cry. He said to me “Why are you crying? Most of my patients are going to die.” and also “Well either do this or be dead in 20 years.” I wish I’d had the strength and sense to get a new doctor, but I didn’t. SO glad I don’t have to see him anymore.

  11. Elaine Bastajian says:

    Could we compose a brief information statement to print out on a business size card to hand to these people, or how about just a card with the Dear Thyroid website address, and tell them they can read all about it there. Something like that, anyway.

  12. Bee says:

    to doctor:” i’m not eating enough to gain all this weight!:

    Doctor’s reply:” well, I guess you’ll just have to stop eating”.
    ______________________________________________________

    another docotr said when I pulled out my list of ?s:” If you think I’m going to answer those you might want to find another doctor.”
    _______________________________________________________

    another doctor said:” you really need to see a nutritionist!.”
    ______________________________________________________

    a sister saw a pic of me and called and said”WHO IN THE HELL IS IN THAT PIC WITH YOUR HUSBAND?”

    THEY JUST KEEP COMING…….

  13. Deb says:

    Said the first (and subsequently fired) surgeon about my sub-sternum, softball sized, 15+ nodule, papillary cancer thryoid:

    “Well, I can take it out but I consider it to be elective surgery”.

  14. Paula says:

    I got (and sometimes still get) “What’s a thyroid?” Wayy to pay attention in science and health classes.

  15. Mary says:

    I went to the ER once and the doc accused me of taking extra synthroid to keep weight off. But it was just growing back and no one would listen. Or just being ignored cause I’d taken RAI and they didn’t know it could grow back especially after 35yrs.

  16. Judanna says:

    After I swelled up w/ a chin to chest goiter the end of Junior Year & missed the graduation of my closest friends who were older, missed year book signing, missed the parties & missed establishing last minute contacts w/ my senior friends before they were off to college, I was hospitalized for 2 months. During that time, I had amnesia 1/2 the time, didn’t know who I was let alone my friends & family. I was on Alice in Wonderland cocktails everyday as the Doctors had no idea which drugs to give me, so it was one experiment after the other. I fell asleep one night on the floor of the library area & a male nurse stepped on my fingers & when I woke up he asked me if I would like to be istitutionalized in our local insane asylum. I was 16. And when I met the “Best Thyroid doctor” of our State once my mom & brothers found out they too had this disease, he looked at my mom & told her, “You are so lucky ! Hashimoto’s is such a nice little disease, all you have to do is take a little pill for the rest of your life & get your blood tested once a year. ” Yes, come to find out, he’s still a practicing endocrinologist !

  17. Elaine Bastajian says:

    I just posted this on my Facebook Wall, because I’m so disgusted by what we have all had to go through!

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