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Fat Thigh-roid Woes: Bitch n’ Moan Fest 2010
I’m having a hard time writing this week, and really, it’s been happening for a few weeks. Living in a funk, with a dash of gloom and doom. Depression? Probably. I’ve been living with good ol’ depresh for most of my life, so it doesn’t feel foreign to me. Also, could be that since I have no money to do anything fun – I’m getting cabin fever. How many times can you go to a fucking park before that gets old??? I’m turning into a hermit, and the crazy old lady kids across the street run from when they see me checking my empty mailbox. Nah, that won’t happen, the old lady usually lives in A HOUSE. I’m just living in a shitty apartment. Also, I never have an empty mailbox, it’s usually filled with medical bills that go unpaid.
I have a doctor’s appointment next week to get my thyroid levels checked ever since coming off Armour, and the whore on the phone told me to “bring cash since I have no insurance” with a touch of disdain in her voice. Anytime I call a doctor’s office and tell them I have no insurance, they seem to take that specific tone with me – like I’m at fault for something here. Sorry that I couldn’t DEMAND the underwriting department at Blue Cross take me on…therefore, I deserve to pay loads of cash outta my ass for blood tests and visits.
I’m forcing myself to go to this doctor, because I’ve been putting it off. I’m sick of doctors (shock, if you’ve ever read this column, YOU KNOW THIS). Last year, I’d had so much blood drawn in two weeks that my vein threw in the towel, and laid down as if to say “go fuck yourself and your constant blood tests”. If I don’t go to the doctor, then ignorance really IS bliss. If I don’t get my cholesterol tested, then I don’t really have high cholesterol, right? If I don’t get my thyroid levels tested, then everything will be fine. I was FINE before I started to go to doctors and became a part of the system and their stupid statistics.
Sick. Of. It. All. I wish all the money on my credit card was for more irresponsible purchases, but instead, the bulk of it is medical shit, vitamins, and the tons of food I had to eat while sick with Graves. The two things I bought that I didn’t need were a guitar ($300) and a trip to Chicago to visit my friend ($400ish, since I stayed with her). The rest of it was really, just for “my health”. So looking at all the debt I wracked up, I have NOTHING to show for it. I’ve been unemployed for over a year, and I wish that credit card debt was a trip to Europe…but instead, I was trying to be “responsible” and take care of my disease. I couldn’t go to Europe on a credit card while sick, could I? In hindsight, I should’ve skipped out on all those USELESS doctor appointments which amounted to NOTHING but me having to get RAI, and just taken a direct flight to Paris for a month.
(I promise this column gets uplifting in a few paragraphs…)
I’ve been keeping to myself these days as well, cause I have NO IDEA how to relate to people around me. Social situations right now are a nightmare, and don’t want to deal. Aren’t you glad you’re reading this? If I’m not making you want to jump off a cliff, I hope that you at least can relate. Which brings me to this:
If you haven’t taken a look at Melissa’s “Chronic Snarkopolist” column from this week, please do. Not only cause she’s just so brave and RAW with her feelings, but also, cause I had a thought…
Everyone I know right now seems to be just in a bad place. Maybe 2010 has cursed us all. Maybe Mercury really IS rising. (whatever that means, but I hear it from everyone whenever shit goes down). I don’t know what it is, but I want to fix it, before the holidays come around and I’m jumping off a roof with a shotgun and cake in my hands.
We’re all so supportive of one another here, and it’s genuine support that comes from compassion and understanding. What if…we just took a second to send some good thoughts to Melissa? Then send good thoughts to one another? How will that help, you ask? Well I’m imagining it goes something like this: When I wake up on Saturday morning, I’ll think about all of you that I know on here, and send YOU good thoughts and love – and then I’ll realize, maybe you woke up on Saturday morning and sent ME good thoughts and love…and the FREE LOVIN’ 60s start ALL OVER AGAIN! Maybe it’s a little reaching on my end, but F it, WHAT DO WE HAVE TO LOSE?
Joanna’s “Life Redefined” column this week is all about support and awareness, and she’s asking for us to take a moment to sign a petition for the Surgeon General to recognize thyroid cancer as a public health issue. If you can take a moment, please sign the petition.
Now, I’m asking us to sign a mental petition to one another. I’m calling it “Let’s BEND OVER Thyroid Disease and its Side Effects in 2010”. Maybe we can create a shift to get 2010 and its bullshit off our backs. It’s worth a shot, and it’ll only take a minute of your time. So, who is IN?
“Dear Thyroid, Ruler of Our Emotions, I would like you to please give insert DT Community Names Here a break from dealing with awful things, and give them a good day today. Thank you, your name.”
&
“Dear 2010, You Miserable Slag, I demand you stop being such an asshole to insert DT Community Names Here and wrap up your lame and evil plans. It’s already September, and they can only take so much. Thanks, your name.”
That wasn’t so hard now, was it? I mean, it’s ALREADY scripted for you! No fuss.
Sending the good vibes in a bit,
N
Tags: 2010, bad mood, depression, doctors, graves' disease, health, insurance, medical bills, petition, social situations, support
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16 Responses to “Fat Thigh-roid Woes: Bitch n’ Moan Fest 2010”
Leave a Reply to HDinOregon
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Nicole,
I feel your pain and see you struggle. You get all the good vibes that I can share. I worry for you and laugh with you. On my darkest days of stress and worry… “asspiss” always cracks me up and I never explain what I am laughing at.
I say you bring Monopoly “cash” to the doctors appointment. F-them.
We that are here KNOW very well how much a tiny bit of support can bring. Just a response to words written is hope that someone cares and understand. I do and I do. I look so forward to reading your Friday column. It is always dead slow at work on Fridays, half the crew doesn’t even show up and most of the rest just leave early… Even when you are dark and gloomy, you have such great input. We that are sick, and have had a rough year do wonder about 2010. I soak in my bubble bath [only time I am alone]thinking about what a suck ass year this has been for ME. I wallow, I cry, I shake my fist, scream with no sound. Why? I am feeling so much better. I am soooo much better. I feel like a me that I haven’t been in so long that I just can’t remember… but I still have Graves Disease. I can never let my guard down again. You have so many reasons to be down and upset right now, I see it. And Graves does such a number on our minds, no one outside of this place can understand that. But you do.
If there is any tiny thing I can do, I will. My mental petition has been signed and submitted [I added some colorful language k?]
I will not tell you buck up, or smile, or feel better or snap out of it. Just know that we are here and fighting with/for you and everyone else here who has had a shitty year.
Amanda
Dear Amanda,
Thank you so much for the good vibes and looking forward to the column : )
If I had a bathtub, I’d sure to be in it and shaking my fist up into the air. I just have to settle on my forever clogged shower though…but I still completely understand where you’re coming from.
I’m sending you good vibes right now, and also, I’m gonna continue to do so tomorrow. I’m waking up super early to go jogging, and during my jog I will be thinking about you and everyone else on here – and mustering as much positive energy from the earth as I can (since I’m not a well of it right now) and send it all out to everyone here on DT. Then I’m going to get my guitar and sing.
xoxo,
Nicole
Hey Nicole,
Good Thoughts…
… generating
… bursting forth
… beaming upwards
… ascending
… slowing slightly
… arching through zenith
… descending
… accelerating
… sparkling
… aiming
… slashing right smack onto your cheek!!!
Hope you feel a little better now !
🙂
Offering my virtual shoulder !
HD … “thought-hurler” par excellence!
HD,
Perfect vibe send if I ever saw one.
Amanda
Dear HD,
That vibe send should be PATENTED or something, cause it’s pro. I could almost feel the good vibe smack, and it made me smile.
Thank you so much, and right back atcha!
xoxo,
Nicole
Dearest Nicole,
Now you see how nice I can be.
Dear 2010, You Miserable son of a bitch cus you just got to be a MAN,, I demand you stop being such an asshole to Nicole and wrap up your lame and evil plans. It’s already September, and they can only take so much. And for Fuck sake get the healthcare system sorted out so thyroid peeps don’t have to worry about bills, empty mail boxes cus most of the mail (Bills) are being shredded to make bedding for the dogs or hamsters. Have a fucking heart and stop the Palps. Give her a break. give and take.Because you’ve already put her and tothers through enough, let the rest of 2010 be a better year.
Lolly sending some free Love (no charge) healing vibes, and a pick-me-up to get you through the most difficult times.
Dear Lolly,
Thank you for that, ahhh, you voiced so much that still needed to be said.
Poor HD is outnumbered on here…sucks. I knew you were talking about 2010 being the evilest of men, so in no way does that reference HD! 2010 is the type of man that strings you along and promises the world, wears a suit when you go out to dinner, then after he disappears with your life savings you come to find out he has many wives, and has conned them all. Now he’s in Brazil with his next victim, and unsuspecting tart.
I’m sending good vibes right back, until we can track down this man who has robbed us all and destroy him.
xoxo,
Nicole
Lolly,
»»» got to be a MAN
Pout!
I am sure there are many guys who are in the same boat. Not enough money to pay the frickn bills, medical or otherwise.
Don’t want to get political of course, but of course you’re right on with your comments about the “system”
oops, pushed the send button by accident.
Meant to send
{{{ Hugs }}}
to the both of you!
🙂
HD
Sorry I wasn’t referring to you or any man in particular well maybe one my shit of an Endo.
You know I love you really, I wouldn’t have posed for that painting had I not. It was just one of my many sick jokes if anything goes wrong in my life I have to blame someone and it has to be a Man becaue we are the fairer sex even though I am brown.;-)
Don’t take it personal please I know it is no different for any of us male or female thyrella or thyfella.
You can pout if you like but you know this Dame is always going to speak her mind.
Hugs back to you.
Lolly
Lolly,
No, didn’t take it personal, if I had, – I’d thrown two endos and a phebotomist at ya! Grin.
And thanks for posing for the painting. You look maaaaavellous!
HD
I will respond to your brilliant writing later Nicole. Just came back from endo & am still digesting that they are going to test me for early ovarian failure.(I will find out in 2 weeks. Even if it comes back negative, I will always feel like I have to keep my eyes peeled for it now) Early menopause? No sex life for fear of STD’s, and still this. Thyroid,auto-immune, the gift that keeps on giving.
Mel Dorito
Nicole, Nicole, I so love the bitch and moan fest. I’ve been throwing my own B&M party. May I join yous?
Your idea of sending healing thoughts, and bright light to our thyroid family is a great idea. I don’t know if I will wake up dead becasue my mighty fighter of illness and disease couldn’t or didn’t find the time to let me know my labs were in the crapper. I had a total thyroidectomy in ’08, take a compound cocktail, because Synthroid and its cousins made me homicidal and a danger on the roadways. Being hypo- my TSH should not be 0.006.
That was on July 22nd. Just to mix things up a bit, and throw a turd in the punch bowl, my C-Reactive Protein is 11.6– more than twice the normal level. If the first one don’t get me, the second one might. Peace, Linda
Nicole,
Well said. I have mentally signed both petitions in the hope that this funk will pass before the holidays arrive. Usually my most favorite times of the year, I find myself dreading them. I love you all and know that if anyone here has been in the same ugly spot I have been lately (and I am sure you have), we could all use a little fucking sunshine blown up our asses!
Kisses to all.
HD,
Shit so you mean i missed out on getting a triple whammy of 2 Endo’s and a Phlebotomist free of charge. Did I forget to tell you the MAN Nicole is talking about is my X we must move in the same circles round and round getting dizzy.
HD it really was my pleasure to pose for the life painting next time you want do another give me a call.
🙂
Lolly
Amen sister. You’re reading my mind! Is there any way to keep in contact? I’m struggling to find anyone from Chicago who I can relate to. I’d love to chat. My email is angeliquemoreno@gmail.com