DEAR THYROID^TM

Hey all!  Here is the deal this week – I have been dragging ass, and my topic happens to be “Strength”…so it’s kind of funny because I feel anything BUT strong.  I should have made the topic for the week, “I Wanna Nap” but that’s probably going to be for next time…

I’ve been trying to shed this extra weight, and it’s been slow going.  8lbs in almost two months.  I work out like a maniac, eat healthier than a personal trainer, and the scale hates me.  Maybe I am gaining muscle, but so what?  Get lost, FAT on my ASS.  I look like I’ve had five kids, and in reality, I have NONE.  Moving on…

I’ve been trying to get energy up for months now.  Graves made me so weak, and so has the aftermath.  I still think the RAI has taken a hit to my red blood cells and I haven’t 100% recouped.  I have on and off weeks of pure lethargic chaos.  The doctor has told me that my T3 and T4 are “normal” (on the low end of normal) but my TSH is still indicating hyper – medical marvel.  I suppose it’ll take longer than the average 6 months-ish post RAI for my TSH to even out; or maybe it’s from the last doctor and his severely miscalculated dosage of Armour messing me up even further.  All I know is that my pituitary gland is knocking on my door and yelling, “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?  MAKE UP YOUR MIND.”

Since my energy is lacking, and I’ve been toying with the concept of “Strength” – it only seems natural to take on something that DEMANDS IT.  I must be out of my mind.

Ladies and Gents, I am now taking Muay Thai.  That’s right.  Muay freakin’ Thai.

Since I don’t know enough about the history of this martial art to school you on it, so I’ll sum it up like this – it’s hard; you use your fists, elbows, knees, and shins to mess someone up.  I’ll put it this way, we warm up with 90 pushups, lunges, squats and situps.  THAT IS A WARM-UP, when less than a few weeks ago I used to call that type of warm-up an actual workout.

Before you go and think I’m taking it just so I can beat someone up, I’m here to tell you the real reason is because I need mental and physical strength – and it provides both in abundance.  Learning to beat someone up is only the cherry on top.  The classes are KICKING MY ASS, and it’s definitely a challenge.  After only four sessions I can already feel a difference.

I went to class this morning with “Strength” and the column on my mind.  Because I am a psycho, I usually would do 30 minutes of jogging before a 1.5 hour class started, but today – I took it easier on myself and just showed up for the class.  Monday’s class was way more physically draining, but today was pure mental challenge.

I attempted to overcome the mental block by not thinking “I can’t, it hurts too much, I wanna sleep” and just kept telling myself, “sure, I’ll keep lifting my leg and throwing this punch even though I am so sore and exhausted I can hardly stand without swaying”.  This isn’t a class just for working out, it’s a class for learning how to be STRONG – mentally AND physically.

I love these classes, even if I smell like a gym sock afterward.  I LOVE them.  I’m already learning so much about myself, and how far I can push.  A blaze of synchronicity happened when my instructor brought up an interesting point:  how can we really learn to defend ourselves if we don’t know what it’s like to get hurt?

There it is:  How the hell did I expect to defeat Graves when I left myself open and vulnerable to its strikes?  Graves is a physical AND mental fight – so how do we attempt to defeat it when it pins us to the ground and starts pummeling?

1.  We need to take it and learn what it feels like to get knocked down…then….
2.  We gather our courage, strength, and anger….then….
3.  We FIGHT BACK.

Why did I throw a punch in class the other day, but wince when my opponents gloved hand came up to my face?  Did I really expect to be just doling out the pain and not getting any back?  I guess I did.  I didn’t even get HIT and I was WINCING.  Today I got kicked and just TOOK it.  If I had the energy to lift my arm and pat myself on the back, I would have done so after class.

Graves has stirred the fighter within me.  It took it’s time to beat my ass, and I winced all along the way.  It took pleasure in psyching me out and messing with my head while my defenses were down.  It was stronger and bigger than me, and I didn’t stand A CHANCE.  I was not prepared for the fight.

Graves – 1 Nicole – 0.

I’m learning how to be a real fighter now.  Someone who knows what is worth a fight, and not just someone with misdirected anger.  I’m dragging myself to class even when I’m too tired to go, because it’s NECESSARY.  I’m ignoring the voice in my head that is telling me “what’s the point?  Sleep in today.”  When I punch my reflection in class, I’m not punching myself – I’m punching Graves, and I’m punching that asshole HARD.  I will become disciplined, strong, and ZEN.

If and when this Graves asshole decides to show up again, my mind and body will be ready.  I pity him.

Tags: Excercise, Fighting, graves' disease, Muay Thai, Strength

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