Why He’s, He’s, He’s HYPOMAN!
Hi, my name is Robert, and it has been forever since my last confession!
Disclaimer: this confession is 18+ so if abusive language offends you please do not read this.
My thyroid and I have a love/hate relationship. The kind you can only have with those people who totally get you. I have tried everything to turn it into a loving relationship. The problem I have is that it is an unequal friendship; my thyroid holds all the aces and is not shy in reminding me of this fact.
My thyroid’s name is Bob.
Bob can see me coming a mile off. I’ve tried to be; charming, loving, deceitful, pathetic, angry, furious and funny. Bob sees right through it. This is the cause of all the trouble. Bob is a smart arse! He doesn’t care that I tell you this; in fact he’ll find it quietly amusing. You see, Bob is a cunt!
But I love him.
Bob is the reason I am the man I am. He had been working covertly since I was 10 years old! But I blew Bob’s cover wide open in 2002. You see he made a mistake and underestimated the damage he had done, he got cocky. The mother fucker served up a nervous breakdown in 2000. It nearly killed me!
Now Bob didn’t want that because he’s a sick fucker who enjoys playing games with my life. Whilst he was slowly scrambling my brain from the age of 10 to 30 he left evidence of his existence in my mind. Perhaps he did it on purpose; the cunt just laughs when I ask because he knows that laughing in my face infuriates me the most.
Somehow during the midst of my nervous breakdown I asked for a blood test to check that my thyroid was functioning. How the fuck this occurred to me I will never understand, I just have to accept it. My thyroid was, and still is, fucked! The year was 2002. Bob’s cover was blown.
Bob had given me a second chance. But Bob is always one step ahead of me.
Bob being Bob, he set the rules to a new game. And the sick fuck stacked them in his favour! He refused to tell me if I would even know when the game is over or if it is possible for me to win. He’s been too busy enjoying himself. Cunt!
To illustrate what a degenerate Bob is; he let me nearly kill myself for the second time by allowing me to survive for 4 years on too much medication. I was living in a fog filled bubble, much to Bob’s amusement, and could not understand what was happening to me. Looking back I was semi-conscious for most of this time and suffering panic attacks and severe sleep problems. Bob laughed so hard he pissed himself on many occasions!
Bob’s favourite episodes during this period, and he’s never shy in reminding me, were those times when he would spring a panic attack on me so violently that I would lose control of my bowels and fucking shit myself! He’s laughing right now the cunt! Fuck you!
I rumbled Bob on this score at the end of 2005. I tell you, Bob never gets bored! He is always ready with a new game to play. The one that we are still playing to this day is called Hope!
Bob thinks it is highly amusing to watch me try to educate myself about Hypothyroidism whilst at the same time suffering with the many wonderfully imaginative symptoms of Hypothyroidism. I am his personal plaything. He has diplomatic immunity from the United Nations’ Convention on Human Rights, so torture is fair game to him. Bob is one perverted mother fucker when it comes to subtle ways in which to make me suffer.
Will it ever end Bob?
Educating myself is a slow process. Finding another human being to represent me and get me all the help, tests, treatment and medication I need is so far out of reach only Bob finds it funny. Since embracing the online community I have learnt a lot, but I also have more questions than ever. I am so lonely. Bob is fascinated by the internet and the hope it provides me with. He sees it as a multi-dimensional puzzle I need to solve, and he is confident that this will prove impossible, so he is in his element the smug cunt!
The icing on the cake, as Bob sees it, is that he has found the perfect partner in crime; the Welfare Benefits system. Now Bob lets me answer back, swear at him, sulk, whatever, it is all part of the banter as far as he’s concerned. But the Welfare Benefits system now that’s a different animal. They do not have Bob’s sick sense of humour to start with, they are more of a Circus Master, and just love watching me jump through hoops of fire. I am constantly walking on eggshells with them, and Bob fucking loves it!
I have even started blogging! Rather pretentiously I think, Bob convinced me to call myself HypoMan. You know. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s HypoMan! He filled my head with ideas about how this could be the answer to my problems and even convinced me that there would be a chance to make a few quid if I designed t-shirts and registered HypoMan.com, which I have done. You see, there is no limit to the humiliation that Bob is willing to put me through, he really is a prize winning fuck face!
But I can have the last, and loudest, laugh! Build it and they will come and all that. The blog is there in cyberspace so come along and let’s stick a collective middle finger up at Bob and tell him we are going to succeed in getting an acceptable quality of life back. Shut up Bob! I said shut up Bob you twat!
Despite Bob’s best efforts I think I am close to a breakthrough. I have been on Synthetic T4 only since diagnosis. I think I need T4/T3 combination therapy. Synthetic or Natural? Education, education, education! Could this be the new game Bob keeps taunting me with?
It is now 2010 and there is one thing that will never change; Bob is a cunt!
But I love him.
And deep down I know he loves me. Yes you do Bob. Fuck off? No, you fuck off!
Hardly a fairytale ending, but whilst I am playing this game called Hope, I have a chance.
(Bio) My name is Robert. I am a 39 year old male. I live in Cambridgeshire, England. I am single and live on my own. I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism in 2002. I lost my job due to ill health in 2003. I am not well. Blog – HypoMan
Tags: men losing their careers to thyroid conditions, men with hypothyroid disease, men with hypothyroidism, the impact of thyroid disease on men, thyroid blog for men, thyroid community for men, thyroid disorders in men, thyroid support for men