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Why He’s, He’s, He’s HYPOMAN!

Post Published: 01 October 2010
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Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 27 responses. Leave a comment

Dear Thyroid:

Hi, my name is Robert, and it has been forever since my last confession!

Disclaimer: this confession is 18+ so if abusive language offends you please do not read this.

My thyroid and I have a love/hate relationship. The kind you can only have with those people who totally get you. I have tried everything to turn it into a loving relationship. The problem I have is that it is an unequal friendship; my thyroid holds all the aces and is not shy in reminding me of this fact.

My thyroid’s name is Bob.

Bob can see me coming a mile off. I’ve tried to be; charming, loving, deceitful, pathetic, angry, furious and funny. Bob sees right through it. This is the cause of all the trouble. Bob is a smart arse! He doesn’t care that I tell you this; in fact he’ll find it quietly amusing. You see, Bob is a cunt!

But I love him.

Bob is the reason I am the man I am. He had been working covertly since I was 10 years old! But I blew Bob’s cover wide open in 2002. You see he made a mistake and underestimated the damage he had done, he got cocky. The mother fucker served up a nervous breakdown in 2000. It nearly killed me!

Now Bob didn’t want that because he’s a sick fucker who enjoys playing games with my life. Whilst he was slowly scrambling my brain from the age of 10 to 30 he left evidence of his existence in my mind. Perhaps he did it on purpose; the cunt just laughs when I ask because he knows that laughing in my face infuriates me the most.

Somehow during the midst of my nervous breakdown I asked for a blood test to check that my thyroid was functioning. How the fuck this occurred to me I will never understand, I just have to accept it. My thyroid was, and still is, fucked! The year was 2002. Bob’s cover was blown.

Bob had given me a second chance. But Bob is always one step ahead of me.

Bob being Bob, he set the rules to a new game. And the sick fuck stacked them in his favour! He refused to tell me if I would even know when the game is over or if it is possible for me to win. He’s been too busy enjoying himself. Cunt!

To illustrate what a degenerate Bob is; he let me nearly kill myself for the second time by allowing me to survive for 4 years on too much medication. I was living in a fog filled bubble, much to Bob’s amusement, and could not understand what was happening to me. Looking back I was semi-conscious for most of this time and suffering panic attacks and severe sleep problems. Bob laughed so hard he pissed himself on many occasions!

Bob’s favourite episodes during this period, and he’s never shy in reminding me, were those times when he would spring a panic attack on me so violently that I would lose control of my bowels and fucking shit myself! He’s laughing right now the cunt! Fuck you!

I rumbled Bob on this score at the end of 2005. I tell you, Bob never gets bored! He is always ready with a new game to play. The one that we are still playing to this day is called Hope!

Bob thinks it is highly amusing to watch me try to educate myself about Hypothyroidism whilst at the same time suffering with the many wonderfully imaginative symptoms of Hypothyroidism. I am his personal plaything. He has diplomatic immunity from the United Nations’ Convention on Human Rights, so torture is fair game to him. Bob is one perverted mother fucker when it comes to subtle ways in which to make me suffer.

Will it ever end Bob?

Educating myself is a slow process. Finding another human being to represent me and get me all the help, tests, treatment and medication I need is so far out of reach only Bob finds it funny. Since embracing the online community I have learnt a lot, but I also have more questions than ever. I am so lonely. Bob is fascinated by the internet and the hope it provides me with. He sees it as a  multi-dimensional puzzle I need to solve, and he is confident that this will prove impossible, so he is in his element the smug cunt!

The icing on the cake, as Bob sees it, is that he has found the perfect partner in crime; the Welfare Benefits system. Now Bob lets me answer back, swear at him, sulk, whatever, it is all part of the banter as far as he’s concerned. But the Welfare Benefits system now that’s a different animal. They do not have Bob’s sick sense of humour to start with, they are more of a Circus Master, and just love watching me jump through hoops of fire. I am constantly walking on eggshells with them, and Bob fucking loves it!

I have even started blogging! Rather pretentiously I think, Bob convinced me to call myself HypoMan. You know. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s HypoMan! He filled my head with ideas about how this could be the answer to my problems and even convinced me that there would be a chance to make a few quid if I designed t-shirts and registered HypoMan.com, which I have done. You see, there is no limit to the humiliation that Bob is willing to put me through, he really is a prize winning fuck face!

But I can have the last, and loudest, laugh! Build it and they will come and all that. The blog is there in cyberspace so come along and let’s stick a collective middle finger up at Bob and tell him we are going to succeed in getting an acceptable quality of life back. Shut up Bob! I said shut up Bob you twat!

Despite Bob’s best efforts I think I am close to a breakthrough. I have been on Synthetic T4 only since diagnosis. I think I need T4/T3 combination therapy. Synthetic or Natural? Education, education, education! Could this be the new game Bob keeps taunting me with?

It is now 2010 and there is one thing that will never change; Bob is a cunt!

But I love him.

And deep down I know he loves me. Yes you do Bob. Fuck off? No, you fuck off!

Hardly a fairytale ending, but whilst I am playing this game called Hope, I have a chance.

(Bio) My name is Robert. I am a 39 year old male. I live in Cambridgeshire, England. I am single and live on my own. I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism in 2002. I lost my job due to ill health in 2003. I am not well. Blog – HypoMan

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27 Responses to “Why He’s, He’s, He’s HYPOMAN!”

  1. Amanda says:

    Robert:

    This is a great, wonderful, amazing letter! It is like reading a movie script or something! I see Bob snickering around corners and such. Great writing. I laughed and cried. Thank you so much for sharing. I am going to go and read through your blog!

    Amanda

    ps… Bob? Cut the guy a break! He said he loves you, stop testing him and accept this! 😉

  2. lori says:

    Hey Bob, you’re not as smart as you think. The tide is turning and Robert is becoming educated. You know what that means, don’t you? That means you are going to start learning how to behave and start showing the same love and care Robert has shown you. Capisce!

    Great letter Robert. I can relate. I think you’re on the right track about your medication. I did not see improvement until T3 was added to the mix. I’m still tweaking the dose but when you have hope, anything is possible. I see you as a winner and gaining back some quality living in your future. Hang in there and keep on fighting!

  3. I loved this letter, finally someone telling it like it is!!! I want you to kick Bobs ass… I feel you pain..I’ve been going through very similiar situation as you …no one believed me in the beginning..finally found out i have thyroid cancer and actually was relieved. Finally an answer..but no just the beginning of the fight.Thyroid removed,RAI, thyroid meds..just T4 and still felt like shit…researched everything..doctors telling me it wasn’t my levels..my levels were surpressed because of cancer , but had hypo symtoms just the same…found new endo and printed articles about added T3 meds to T4 combo therapy ..finally got doctor to check my Free T 3 and added T3 (cytomel ) to levoxyl..Finally a little relief…dont ever give up..I know I won’t…keep fighting Hope you feel better, Jeanne

  4. Lolly says:

    Hi Robert,

    I read your blog a couple of months ago and I think i even replied on there. let me tell you bob fuck you, You won’t win because Robert wont let you, he’s gonna fight the UK system to get the right treatment and not take any fucking bull crap shit from no two bit Endocriminologist telling him his TSH is okay. years of misdiagnosis and finally he is on track. the only thing that might still hold him back are the Dr’s here. And educating himself about you and how you fucking tick. Your days are numbered comply or die is what i say.So Robert can get back to some normality in his life

    Robert good luck mate I have been fighting now for sometime to get the right treatment for me after undergoing a thyroidectomy 3+ years ago.

    Great letter straight to the point and no bullshitting about how it is.

    Lollyxoxo

  5. Linda says:

    Robert,
    I really needed this letter today. I love the way you have made it a new game of Hope…and this is what you have given me today. I have never thought of giving my thyroid a name and I think that may help too. It is easier to fight with something that has an identity.

    So let me inter-deuce everyone to Lindy!

    Thanks Robert!

  6. Robert says:

    Amanda, Lori, Jeanne, Lolly & Linda.

    Thank you for reading my letter and even more so for taking the time to comment. The feedback you have given proves to Bob (and me!) that it was worthwhile!

    I’ll leave it to your furtive imagination’s to guess what Bob thinks about it all!

    Remember; for as long as we have hope we have a chance!

    My very best wishes, Robert.

  7. Beth J says:

    Robert,
    WOW….just wow! I applaud the raw,but truthful, letter that you have written….You said it all soo well and in ways that we all think, but usually don’t have the courage to say…
    Our thyroids may win a few battles, but in the end WE will win the war!!
    I am even more honored to be your online friend! 🙂

  8. Mary Shomon says:

    It’s like if Quentin Tarantino had a thyroid problem, what would he write? I think HypoMan IS a superhero — for sharing his story, for keeping a totally amazing sense of humor, and for recognizing that Bob may be a part of him, but isn’t going to be in charge!

    Love you Robert. MWAH!!!!!!!! Get that lager n lime poured for me, mate!

    — Mary

  9. kslater says:

    I loved it! Hey can I crawl into your neck and kick Bobs’ ass FOR you? While I still have the energy to at least dress myself today? Its ironic, I named mine Bob about 8 months ago…basically describing my nodules as a neighbor named bob that needed to find new digs in a better part of town…
    I can so relate to this…
    Sometimes, swearing cures the anger, or emphasizes it to a finite emotion.
    Nothing sums it up better than fuck/shit/cunt/twat…
    Just ask George Carlin…(if he werent dead that is, seance perhaps)
    Peace my friend
    AND DEATH TO BOB

  10. Robert says:

    Beth J & Mary

    Thank you for accepting and even embracing my darkside. I’m one of the good guys but we all need to vent., and I like to vent with panache!

    You know my secret identity…. haha…. so you are now part of my “circle of trust” (Robert De Niro: Meet The Parents…. funny movie!).

    It’s hard to gauge how my I come across online but I hope to forge a lifelong friendship…. whatever you want from me.

    kslater

    Thank you K for taking the time to reply. I’m glad you liked it, I enjoyed the process! I’m not familiar with George Carlin’s work…. YouTube to the rescue.

    I keep going on about hope…. but I’ve realised that humour is equally important to me.

    Peace to you all, Robert.

  11. Anne Gilbert says:

    Hi Robert and Bob

    How amazing! I dont like swearing but this is fantastic and sums up exactly how I feel. Remaining positive is the only thing that keeps me from the brink! Like you my life has been devastated by my thyroid and 31 Dec 2010 was officially my last day working for a company for over 20 Years!!

    An uphill battle all of the time and getting the Doctor to take me seriously is very hard!

    Bob give Robert a break! We all deserve one sometime and after 10 years I feel he is due one.

    Well I am with all those who want to kick Bobs Ass!!

    Good Luck to Robert

    Take Care

    Anne

  12. yallolorry says:

    ah Robert! You write like an angel! So sorry you’ve been having such a shitty, shitty time. Not fair, not fair, not fair. Bah, damn, hell, grrrr, blghhgggghh bum. thank god for the internet and being able to connect with others going through similar stuff.

    I’m in the UK too, as you know. British Thyroid Foundation has been a godsend in terms of providing trustworthy information – like you I just about drove myself potty reading everything out there and not knowing who to believe, for a long time. If you’re not already in touch with them there are lots of phone contacts who will do their best to help you and have helped me, listed under support on the website. Also support meetings, as you know I’m doing one in London on Saturday, sorry it’s too far for a poorly boy to come but maybe we’ll meet at another event sometime in the future. check the BTF website, there might be stuff going on closer to you.

    the ranting in writing is brilliant, you do it so well, panache IS

    • Jacquie says:

      Hello yallolorry

      The BTA and BTF are the reason we are so ill. Sadly, the BTA, BTF & RCP continue to insist that GPs should NOT give a diagnosis of hypothyroidism if the TSH is within a reference range of 0.5 – 10.0. The BTA are a charity funded by pharmaceutical companies. There is a big campaign going on to get this changed. Please don’t support them… they have done us SO much damage. You can read more if you google Thyroid Patient Advocacy.

      Best wishes

      Jacquie

      • yallolorry says:

        hello Jacquie, thanks for your message but I’m afraid you and TPA are very mistaken about the RCP guidelines for treating hypothyroid. I suggest you read them again a little more closely and you will see that you are mistaken. fyi My TSH was 5.98 when I was diagnosed and I am now recieving combination T4/T3 treatment from an NHS endocrinologist. I looked closely at TPA before deciding to work with BTF and I made my choice based on which organisation appeared to me to be the most professional and likely to make a difference for people with thyroid disease. I have found them to be excellent and will continue to volunteer for them and organise information events in partnership with the medical profession in London. I’m afraid the TPA style of campaigning does not appeal to me. thanks for reaching out though. Insidentally I emailed Sheila at TPA some months back with a number of questions but she did not reply to me. I’ve made my choice about who I am now supporting.

        kind regards

        Lorraine

        • Lolly says:

          Dearest Yallolorry,

          You will find that it is you who is mistaken about the guidelines not just that but also the rule that one tablet fits all regime that Levothyroxine is the only medication needed and Free T3 is not neccessary to test neither is reverse T3 and don’t get me started on T3 replacement such as cytomol or Armour thyroid, Most of us just dont have that option or GP’s Endocriminologists don’t even want to listen or read thyroid results correctly..

          You want to count yourself one of the lucky ones, as there are more of us that are not and we rely heavily on groups of thyrella’s thyfellas getting up and speaking out and fighting the fight to get better care here in the UK.

          Me I’ve given up, because I am not getting anywhere. i used to be part of the BTA no longer because of all the crapola and speil that some of the guest speakers come out with and we are suppose to sit there and listen to it, and wehen confronted they never answer with a straight answer or move swiftly on…I’m glad that you are doing fine with them, no doubt you follow the great recipes they produce too, for a small fee for better health don’t make me fooking laugh.

          Jacque thank you for speaking out and telling it like it is. TPA are not the only ones who are fighting to get better treatment it’s just a shame that patients alike aren’t fighting in the same corner..

          Sending healing vibes cos Bob Robert Baby your going to need it, if you got crap shit ratbastard docs like I have.

          Lolly Keeping it real.

  13. yallolorry says:

    oops, butter fingers, posted before I’d finished!

    …PANACHE is the word for how you express yourself – bravo, bravo for that!! the comments above and all over your blog show that we all identify big time! But when talking to people face to face, especially doctors who are harried souls by and large and scared of confrontation, taking a big deep breath and focussing on the facts alone, can make a big difference to how they will hear you. And that can make a difference to how they respond. I expect you know this! I don’t mean to preach.

    but god Robert I feel your pain! Wish I could help. You write like my Dad and I’ll always wonder if he struggled with an undiagnosed thyroid condition, who knows) Anyway what I mean by saying that is that I feel a connection. I know you’ve found MY blog now and know that it’s called Thyroid Hope. How spooky is that!

    waving and smiling, sending peace and light

    Hope (Lorraine)

  14. yallolorry says:

    Lolly,

    I have to let you know that I am LITERALLY SHAKING with distress at one line in your post above:

    “…no doubt you follow the great recipes they produce too, for a small fee for better health don’t make me fooking laugh.”

    I don’t know what you mean by that. Please explain. Please don’t swear any more.

    It upsets me to be sworn at and it’s not good for me to get upset, it’s not good for any of us. I thought this was meant to be a supportive community for all of us with thyroid disease? I don’t need that kind of stress, I don’t believe anyone does.

    How you can call me “dearest” then be so aggressive I can’t begin to immagine, it seems very insincere.

    Feedback for you – I found that horrid and very upsetting, please be more considerate of others in the future and me if you choose to get in touch again. I am a sensitive flower, as is everyone. I won’t talk to you if you won’t be civil.

    You can message me if you click on my profile. Perhaps to get beyond our initial issues it would be a good idea to take this conversation off Robert’s thread. I would have messaged you directly but couldn’t work out how to. It seems we are both thyroid patients in the UK. I would be happy to share with you my experiences so far and to learn about yours. Sorry to hear you are so disillusioned, I certainly recognise doctors can be hard work to deal with, I’ve had more than my share of struggles and continue to do so. However, the RCP/ BTA hypothyroid guidelines do not preclude treatment or testing beyong T4 only, not at all, I prommise you. Read them again. However,I do think they should be written more clearly as a number of people, perhaps including some doctors, don’t appear to understand them and that is bad news.

    I am one of those doing my level best to improve things for thyroid patients in this country. I have not given up and do not intend to. I am a hopeful soul.

    wishing you well

    Lorraine

  15. yallolorry says:

    feel like crying now

    • Lolly says:

      Please don’t get so upset by something as silly as this..Maybe you need to get your thyroid levels checked. I have today and no doubt it will mean yet another change of medication dose because I am one that needs T3 and can’t get it precribed refuse to do it without and dr’s backing so I suffer with ups and downs Hypos and hypers and maybe this is a Graves rage anger at how we are being treated in this country. I wish I was as lucky as you to be able to get T4/T3 combo instead I was lied to by an endo now I don’t have one at all. And BTW my first endo was patrion of the BTS Thank god he has retired.

      I also apologise for my sp mistakes my eyes are not so good and my brain is even worse.

      Hope you have a good day

      Lolly

  16. Lolly says:

    Lorraine,

    So sorry you got so destressed at what I said, you must be really sensitive. I apologise if it upset you, but I donlt take back what I said. If kaite thinks it is inapporiate then remove it. I thought this was a place where we could voice our opinions I wasn’t actually swearing at you although it may have come across like that I was thinking back to the time when I paid a £1 for a recipe sheet at one of the BTA meetings and inside it was full of recipes which would do nothing for someone health who has a thyroid condition or someone like me who at the time was hyperthyroid Graves disease.

    I will respect your wishes and not swear when replying to you, but if i want to use bad language I am within my rights I wasn’t aiming it at you. mayb DT has changed and politics/religeon is in and bad language out. LET ME KNOW !!!

    I have jeehovahs come to my door and I tell them I am not interested politly ( when really I want to tell them to piss off and stop annoying me) still they persist and still I say i am not interested. I will do the same to you whatever the BTA has to offer it isn’t for me tried that even got the badge but will never wear the T-shirt, so glad that they have helped you and I mean that.

    On that note I have nothing more to say. And can I say don’t be so sensitive if you knew me you would know I was not aiming that at you.

    Have a good day and please don’t let this get you stressed out it really is OTT.

    Robert sorry for hijacking your post but I felt the need to speak out and no one will ever stop me no matter what.

    Best wishes
    Lolly

  17. yallolorry says:

    thanks for coming back to me Lolly and thanks for explaining what you were referring to with the comment that particularly upset me! yes it did appear you were swearing at me but I’m happy that you didn’t intend for it to come across that way!

    I was only stressed for a little while. My little legs were wobbling which I always take as a sign that my body chemistry has been disturbed! Thyroid, adrenals, who knows, horrible feeling anyway and clearly related to the illness in some way – I have a far lesser tolerance for stress than I once had, that’s for sure!

    Anyway I had a camomile tea and chat with a friend and then was fine, but I felt it was important to let you know the impact your words had had. Thank you very much for respecting my sensitivities! I totally respect your frustration.

    Very shocked to hear about what sounds like a very bad experience you had with your old endo and that he was ex head of the BTA. Of course nothing in this world stays the same. Everything changes in time. People move on, retire, etc, stuff shifts, sometimes it gets better (sometimes it gets worse). My personal belief is that the only way to have positive influence over anyone or anything is to engage, with respect and kindness and honesty and that is what I do my best to do.

    I respect the BTF (patients’ org) approach to working with and trying to foster a productive dialogue with the medical professionals(BTA is the endocrinologists’ org.)

    Having previously being employed by a large cancer charity I feel I know enough about working with medics to believe that the BTF’s approach is more likely to encourage doctors to listen to patients than the angry, attacking style I have seen from other types of organisation. Nothing makes someone close their ears faster than telling them they’re an idiot or a bad person.

    I don’t mind if you want to ignore me or BTF, that’s fine. Not a problem at all, your choice entirely. However, I do actually think BTF could possibly help you, even though it sounds like you haven’t had a particularly satisfactory experience with them in the past, I’d love to hear more about that actually if you were up for chatting anytime, as I’m now organising meetings myself and want them to be as useful as possible for other patients.

    Janis Hickey, the director there, has Graves and I know she has spoken personally to and given good advice to other Graves sufferers I’ve put her in touch with. If you had an endo who didn’t help you and you still feel unwell you are entitled to a second opinion and there are ways of asking for your doctors help that can sometimes yield surprisingly good results. Hence my success in being referred and prescribed T3 along with my T4 meds. Janis might have some useful suggestions for you. Just a thought. The past does not neccessarily equal the future.

    I know next to nothing about Graves except that it sounds really tough and I feel for you having to deal with it.

    I’m happy to be in touch with you, or not, whatever you prefer. My spelling is a bit awry as well but I won’t apologise for that and you certainly don’t have to. None of us are perfect and some things really don’t matter. I try and focus on what does.

    sending love and light

    Lorraine

    • Lolly says:

      Lorraine

      I am sorry if I upset you by my words I will think long and hard before replying again. I get very passionate about things and maybe don’t always put it across like it should be.

      One error I did make I will correct it is the BTF and not BTA I was a member of.

      And it’s kind of you to be understanding and I know we both want the same things. Nothing beats a herbal tea so glad that helped you too.

      I feel I too know enough about the way some Drs work after working for years for the NHS I have seen the changes over the years some good some really bad.
      It is not so much the BTF I have had a bad experience with but the endo’s and the lack of knowledge and not all singing from the same book so to speak.
      To be honest with you I have lost faith not hope.

      Thank you for listening and your offer of help I may just take you up on it once i have other issues under control.

      I have no beef or problem with you at all and my intention was not to alienate anyone but just speak my mind even if it does come out wrong..:-)

      Hope you have a good evening and TY again for being so understanding makes you a better person than I.

      Lolly

  18. Dear Thyroid says:

    Yallolorry & Lolly;

    First and foremost, Y, I’m sorry that you felt hurt by Lolly’s comments. We celebrate freedom of speech save religion and politics. We always have. We don’t censor cursing.

    We want healthy, spirited debates and discussions. I think there are hints of that throughout your comments, to be sure.

    Yallolorry, I can absolutely appreciate where you’re coming from. Objectively speaking, there is a difference between saying “I don’t like this organization because of X, Y, Z and this is my experience, etc.” and telling someone that their beliefs are wrong.

    I also know Lolly and she always has the best intentions, a wicked sense of humor and she’s very straightforward.

    You don’t know Lolly, so I can absolutely appreciate how you feel. Again, I’m very sorry that you felt hurt. I get it. It makes perfect sense to me. I understand how you feel.

    In my opinion, the greatest lesson we can learn from this is considering what we say before we say it. Perhaps, look at it objectively before clicking submit and ask ourselves, “How would I feel if I read this? Would I feel that this person was expressing their opinions about an organization or are they unknowingly taking a shot at me?”, among other things.

    The power of words is remarkable as we all know. How we say something makes all the difference in the world.

    If there are any feelings of frustration or anger lingering, please don’t hesitate to email me katie@dearthyroid.org, so we can discuss. Let’s hash it out, so that everyone feels good about it.

    Thanks for reading. I adore you both and think the world of you both.

    Katie

  19. Robert says:

    Lolly, Lorraine,

    What jumps out at me from the above correspondance is PASSION, and I LOVE it!

    I would be as happy as the proverbial pig in shit if I had you two fine ladies as my neighbours. Seriously, WOW!

    It is an honour for me to call you my friends, you inspire me.

    What each of you continue to give of yourselves to find the best possible outcome for your wellness is incredible. RESPECT!

    Hold on to the PASSION!

    For as long as there is HOPE we have a chance.

    Robert.

  20. yallolorry says:

    oh we’re all good girls, except Robert who’s a good man and a super hero to boot but that’s by the by #justsaying 😉

    I’m glad we got ourselves sorted out, Katie thank you for your gorgeous support and love for us all. And yes I think it’s key to stop and think before we type and do our best to respect and love each other with every word because we all need that!! we’re all vulnerable, we’re all just doing our best.

    As I said to our guest endo speaker at our info event on 9th April (video of that event will be up sometime this month, I hope) – sometimes I feel like it’s taken every ounce of my professional communication skills to get heard by my doctors and that’s not how it should be, they are the professionals and the onus should not be on us, while we’re sick, to manage the conversations and make allowances for their inadequacies and constraints, but that’s the way it often seems to be….so we work with what we’ve got, we do our best, we reach out to each other and sometimes we find ourselves doing or saying things that might not be quite right, or quite what we intended, well that’s fine, we pick ourselves up and move on. We say what we feel and as long as we’re not attacking anyone else that’s all good.

    I’m ridiculously happy today, I sold two of my paintings last night! Never sold a painting before in my life! Have been going to a little art4health group on Weds afternoons since I had to give up my job – how cool is that!!!! holding all your hands and dancing round the table!

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