Fat Thigh-roid Woes: Reinvention
Fall has sorta arrived in LA. The green and very much alive leaves are obediently jumping to their death, and they’re just as confused as I am. Maybe they heard the weather forecast…90 degrees this weekend. I just want some consistent fall weather so I can comfortably use my damn oven to make some delicious treats.
I couldn’t wrap my mind around my current Essence o’ ______ word assignment – that will have to wait until next week. My mind and body are gripped with panic over needing a job. California has a 12% unemployment rate. I know what all these people do with their time because I’m one of them – they apply to jobs, get frustrated with the crickets responding, go get coffee and hang out with other unemployed friends. They sit and try to stay positive despite the grim reality…
Our unemployment checks are running out.
I apply for studio jobs because of the awesome insurance, and I found out they average over 500+ applicants per job right now. How does one get their resume plucked? Do I really have to find a “casting couch” somewhere?
Better yet – once I get in to interview, how do I avoid the topic of my disease since it has been a major part of my working and unemployed life? How do I not salivate when there is a possibility of having insurance in the near future? And if they do happen to know about my disease because of grapevine chatter, how do I get it through to them that I’m fine and capable of taking on major responsibility?
I’ve burned some bridges, correction – GRAVES burned some bridges in my former career. I’m starting all over and it’s scary. I suppose in these rough times a lot of people are starting over for different circumstances, but I’m still resentful of getting full blown Graves at the worst possible time. At a new job with new opportunities. I wasn’t able to show anyone how awesome and hard-working I used to be, I was too sick and forgetting who I just spoke to on the phone. I had to tell my boss I had something called “Graves Disease” and did my best to explain how serious it is…
I can only imagine being on the other side of the table and listening to myself rambling. Graves Disease sounds like A JOKE. How can one disease produce so many different and severe debilitating symptoms?
Sounded like I was being dramatic.
I’ve never been sick like this, and I’ve never had to sit down and explain anything of this nature to someone in a position of authority. I used to hate myself for catching a cold and having to leave work early, and now, I was running from my desk.
This still haunts me, and I’m having a hard time moving on from it. The entertainment world here is huge, yet a small melting pot. I’m running into job postings from people who knew Pre-Disease-Nicole, but yet, they might have gotten wind of Graves-Nicole and somehow they’re all pouring into one another.
Maybe now is the time for reinvention.
Not just for careers, but everything. Maybe Graves offers us the opportunity to discover things we would have never contemplated before getting sick.
I feel like Jason Bourne from the Bourne Identity. Amnesia made me forget my former life, and now I’m forced into a new life with new possibilities. However, I’m not going to hunt down anyone to find out WHO I was…I’m hunting those that will shape who I WILL be.
I might get a wig cause my hair is still too fragile to color. I will be the only “spy” on the block that needs to use Rogaine for Women underneath my blond Marilyn style ‘do.
Guess what? I’m not the only spy, YOU are too. We all spy in on our new lives during and post-diagnosis. Not yet ready to jump into them full force because of lingering mental and physical scars. Some of us might be more daring than others, but I’ll bet each and every one of us put our toes into the water before we opt for a cannonball or to tread lightly.
Let’s be more daring now! Who is going to join me?? Who is up for going balls out post-disease and stepping out of the comfort zone? Who is IN for Reinvention, gearing up to start in 2011? (Possibly at the end of 2010 if you’re super brave and with it…)
If you’re hesitant, let me give you a dose of reality: when you’re sick you make your comfort zone a very small and confined space. Time to knock the those walls down.
I’m facing my reinvention from entirely new angles, and changing up my old rules. It’s going to be so crazy that I might get arrested for stealing someone’s identity!
Where does YOUR path to reinvention start?