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Hashimoto, It’s Time We Had A Heart to Thyroid

Post Published: 14 October 2010
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Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 10 responses. Leave a comment

Dear Thyroid,

My Dear Cunning Hashimoto Thyroid. You are a master of disguise, but I know who you are. You took hold of me and now will not let go, but you try to hide. You have fooled the doctors but you cannot fool me. The degrees of pain in which you have a hold on me are relentless but yet you pretend to be someone else.

The numbers you feed the doctors, oh yes, make them tell me it is not you. They believe you. But I know it is you. I will humour you and them, yes I will have test after test but I know it will come back to you. Oh could you be lupus, or rheumatoid arthritis or a myriad of other auto immune diseases? No my dear friend. I know it is you. You are dying, yes from that you cannot hide from them and so you remind me every day with your hands around my throat, but I am not killing you. I do not want you to die, won’t you please release your grip? I feed you that pill every day to ease your dying days, so you don’t have to work so hard, but you do not relent. In turn you barrage me with illness, tiredness and pain. Why do you treat me so?

I will fight you every day, but I do not want to fight you. I too have to fight the doctors, for you are making me do so. I have no other illness than you, it is proven. So, they ask, what do you think is wrong with you? It is you, I tell them. My thyroid. Every symptom, every waking moment. But they tell me you should not be making me feel this way, you are in normal range. What is your normal range? Can you tell me? No of course you can’t, you only speak in terms of making me feel this way. You are no help.

Oh yes you do give me the odd day off, may I thank you? But it is not the whole day, as if you have been on a day trip, only to return, hi honey I’m home! Welcome back, I knew you wouldn’t be gone for long. I push on, trying to ignore you. I have so much to do, so much I want to do. I wonder can I ignore you for long before you bring me to the point of total, utter exhaustion.

We will see how you are faring with more tests and ultrasounds for that one nodule you are harbouring. Have you got worse? We know you will never get better, and for that I am sorry. And worried. Life without you? I don’t know. So for now we carry on, the daily fight. But you will not beat me, I will not cower to your abuse, I know it is the Hashimoto’s and you cannot help it. We will one day convince the doctors it is you after all, I’m sure. I wonder how it is they are well aware of your existence and yet still say it is not you.

They know you are dying, but refuse to acknowledge what you put me through. How did you get so clever? Or is it they are just too blind? Yes of course, for you are my friend, dear thyroid, aren’t you?

Giulia

(Bio) Hi my name is Giulia Conibear, 33 years old. I live in Victoria, Australia with my husband. Originally from the Uk we emigrated 3 years ago. Have only this year (May) been diagnosed with hashimoto’s thyroiditis.

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10 Responses to “Hashimoto, It’s Time We Had A Heart to Thyroid”

  1. DrEricO says:

    Hi Giulia,

    I agree that too many endocrinologists pay attention to the reference ranges of thyroid blood tests, when they need to focus more on the patient’s symptoms. Thank you for sharing this with us.

    Dr. Eric
    Natural Endocrine Solutions

  2. Amanda says:

    Giulia,
    Thank you for writing this great letter. I am sorry you have to fight so hard to be heard/understood… but we all understand that. Hashimoto’s seems to be a very complicated thing to have, but then all thyroid disorders are. I have Graves Disease and wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

    Amanda

    • Giulia says:

      Thanks Amanda, yes I too would not wish this on anyone. My last endo appointment did not go well, especially when she told me how I was feeling was not down to my thyroid, and I let her know. She wanted me to stop the treatment, but I guess my face must have said it all as she backed down and said to keep taking it!! These people are supposed to know all about it, what is wrong with them?
      I wish you all the best
      Giulia

  3. Jennifer says:

    Thank you for writing this! You took the words right out of my mouth. 🙂

    • Giulia says:

      Hi Jennifer,
      It was surprisingly very upsetting to write this, actually pouring your feelings out in black and white really brings it home. It is though, very therapeutic. Sometimes there is no one else to tell, this site is great for that because you can, and you know everyone understands.

      All the best

      G

  4. faith72 says:

    Thank you for writing this.I feel like fighting everyday between my Hashimoto’s and my Borderline.I hope I don’t have to giving lip to my husband about how I feel.

    • Giulia says:

      Hi Faith,

      You know the other day I actually wrote a letter to my husband. We’d had a spat and I felt he did not understand what I was going through. It really helped. I think the trouble is it is not a physical illness as such, it cannot be seen like a broken arm so those that do not have it have difficulty understanding. I am lucky to have a friend who has an underactive thyroid (although not hashi’s) so she gets it, but it is still a fight every day.

      Hang in there, we are in it together and it helps knowing others get what you are going through.

      All the best
      G

  5. Amy says:

    Guilia, Hashimotos is so hard! Even though this letter was hard for you to write I bet that you are glad that you did! I have been diagnosed with Hashi’s for about 2 1/2 years. I am a few days away from the birth of my second child. While my labs have been really good during this pregnancy and I have not had to change my med routine I feel that Hashimotos had definitely made it harder. Like you were talking about, You know the symptoms. They are undeniable. Everyone has their own symptoms. Hashi’s can affect different people in different ways. I hope that all goes well for you! I am also hoping that my thyroid doesn’t pull some nasty tricks on me after the birth of my son. At least I know what to look for. Blessings and hang in there! You can and will win with your fighting spirit!

  6. Lisa Stiers says:

    Man, do I understand this, I have hashimotos also. Have I felt what you have. Just wished family and friends understood the fight and the pain this disease gives you! This has been the worst thing I have ever gone through and it has been a blessing! Have had three others that had been misdianoised with other illness, because this can mimic so much! We talked and I told them to go and get checked for thyroid, who knew it would come back positive for thyroid and hashimotos disease, we all had something in common a disease that acts from out of nowhere and leaves you to guess what is wrong with you. The mood swings, brain fog, pain in your body and being so tired you just can’t move, let alone think. a silent disease that takes you on a journey you never wanted to have. At least because you have it you can tell others and so they might be able to get help! So that you for sharing and caring! We understand all to well what you are going through. Hugs to you!

  7. Denise says:

    I went through something similar in UK having been backwards and forwards to the doctor with a wide range of things which started with weight gain after my Mum died 8 years ago. I knew nothing of thyroid disease until I was really ill last October. Now know that 2 of my aunts suffer from an under active thyroid and I suspect my Mum did too but no one ever listened to her she died with over drinking I suppose to cope with the clinical depression she suffered from!

    I came to Australia in March this year and took ill again with what appeared yet again to be laryngitis but only for 3 weeks this time unlike the 15 weeks off work last October! I saw a doctor here who wanted to wait another 3 months before testing my blood again as I was only 3.3 despite all the symptoms I have and told me to go on a diet to lower my cholesterol! Eventually found a fantastic doctor who I had to wait 5 weeks to see and who took one look at my eyebrows (I have very little left) and my flat hair (have lost about half of it) and my blood results from August and said that given all my symptoms and blood results over the last few years he suspected that I have had this problem for probably the last 10 years and that the death of my mother really kick started. I am now on Armour and going back in 2 weeks for the latest bloods and 24hr urine test results – he hasn’t even bothered testing my TSH this time! He has also diagnosed fybromyalgia and adrenal insuffiency and so am on Prednisolone as well as magnesium with selenium, vitamin b and adrenoplex – I really do rattle when I walk!

    I have been on this site several times and talked basically on twitter to Dear Thyroid but haven’t plucked up the nerve to write on here before.

    Your letter prompted me to just say “I feel your pain”

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