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Fat Thigh-roid Woes: Chicken or the Organic Free Range Egg?
**Hey DT Friends! The impossible has happened…I got a job. Woo-hoo! I started on Monday and have been busy busy busy getting into the groove of things (I’m supposed to work 40 hours a week again? How does that happen?) and wanted to just share that with you. Also, because it brings me to my column o’ the week story. ***
During my orientation this week, I had lunch with someone else who was brand new. We got to talking about healthy food, because she was on this plan to cut out all the chemicals, junk, and eating mostly whole foods. Since I’ve been striving for this since the Graves bullshit, I participated in the convo with ease and enthusiasm.
Then, “The Question With Many Possible Answers” came up:
“So, what made you want to change your eating habits?”
I heard the needle being yanked off the record – and if this were a movie, all eyes in the cafeteria would bore into the back of my head while silverware clanks to break the silence.
That type of question has only one answer for me, and it’s all cause of my hateful relationship with Graves.
I could have said “Oh just cause I wanna eat healthy…” – not only because I might not want to get into it, but also because this is someone I might be working with in some capacity…was it such a good idea?
I told her the truth. The Honest and Shameless Answer: “Oh, I got sick a few years ago with a bullshit autoimmune disease, and I just decided that I never want to be in that position again…so I’m doing everything on my end to stay healthy.”
Call me crazy if you want. Just starting a new job and yapping about being sick at one point in life before my career at this company has even started.
It’s gotten me on the path of pondering why and when did “sick” become the looked down upon equivalent of being “weak”? I’ll admit, I was physically and emotionally weak when the Graves fiasco was peaking, but now, I’m not in the same place. Why can’t I be honest about the past that was my disease? Why should there be any shame regarding what happened? It’s not my fault, nor does it make me a weak person.
My disease DOES NOT define ME. I CHOOSE to define my disease.
Graves and I have a tug of war on any given day. Sometimes, he wants to bully me and I let him. Other days, Graves hangs out and knits in a corner. Most of the time, I bend Graves over and slap him silly. Now that I’ve been through the HELL that is Graves, and managed to come out on top – that does not a weakling make.
Each and every one of us becomes stronger for it. For any disease out there, damn it.
The fact that you’re here, and seeking a community to share, laugh, and cry with is a testament to YOUR strength.
If you were a weakling to begin with, Graves would have crushed you long ago – and you’d be under your covers, unable to seek any help. Instead, you’ve taken the fighter mentality and are choosing to kick Graves in the ‘nads.
Don’t beat yourself up whenever you’re having an off day, week, or month. You’re allowed to live with some self pity/misery/anger because you’re dealing with a shit filled deck of cards right now. Just keep trucking through to find the path to healing.
Don’t hold onto any thought of being weak since you’re sick, or used to be sick. Wear it proudly. You can say you’ve climbed the Mt. Everest of Disease, and you’ve come out on top.
And finally, have a great weekend!
xoxo,
Nix
Tags: autoimmune disease, Defining Disease, Eating, graves' disease, Healthy, Pride, sick, Strength, Weak
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11 Responses to “Fat Thigh-roid Woes: Chicken or the Organic Free Range Egg?”
Leave a Reply to Melissa Travis
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Nicole,
First and foremost… congrats on the job! I am really happy for you and hope that it works out fantastically. I really do. Can’t stand the thought of anyone being out of work, so I worried about you. I know, Mom Stalker. But I did.
Second… I love that you face this with honesty… That you only had the one way to answer. I struggle like hell with it. I get asked questions that the “real” answer is “because I have Graves Disease”, and I sidestep don’t answer or say “just because”. It makes me mad that I do this, but I can’t seem to blurt out the truth. Of course, most of my social interaction is at work.. .tiny office… single minded women and neanderthal like men. They looked at me when I dropped the ton of weight when Graves hit me hard and complimented me on how good I was doing with the diet. I tried to explain, but gave up when it turned weird. So I just ended out saying “thank you”. Now when I have an off day, and it is some stupid thing I did or didn’t do that caused Graves to pop out… and I get questioned? I say “have a headache” or “didn’t sleep well”. I friggin lie rather than try to explain to people that 1. don’t care and 2. don’t really want to hear the truth. You are doing it right, I know that. Be truthful and honest. My way isn’t helping them, me or anyone else… but I can cope this way. Today, I guess I am just about coping. Probably when I get good and pissed off at people and their assumptions, I will set the records straight… I just hope I leave out all those “F” words I have become so comfortable with in casual conversation. Ugh. Maybe my comment today is all due to the fact that some whore that I work with asked me “whats going on with your weight?”, oh yes she did. Good thing I checked the employee manual… it seems punching is against regulations… Instead I answered “I eat food” and walked away.
I am stronger for having Graves, and I was pretty damn strong before. I know that, I guess I just reserve the strength for important battles like my family and my health.
Amanda
Dear Amanda,
Someone actually asked you what was going on with your weight? REALLY?? Where did she find the nerve?
It’s understandable to not say anything when you’re in a smaller office, so I totally get where you’re coming from. Especially since everyone seems so damn nosy, I’d shy away from talking about my disease too. Unless you wanna just say F IT ALL and start blabbing, but then it becomes the issue of you getting blamed for things that go down. It’s such a slippery slope. How do we stay honest and true to ourselves, yet not cause some waves?
Let me know if you ever slap that lady silly one day. Take pictures too!
xoxo,
Nicole
Bravo Bravo~!!!!
Good for you! I am so glad you stood up for yourself. Yes we have Graves, like the color of our eyes, its not going to change.
I am so proud of you.
Right or wrong to share? Well I think its healing. And also a way to inform others about this secret we carry. Should we wear a big G on our arm? This is not the letter A!
I would be so much more comfortable in a world that embrassed us because of our differences. Besides we get to hear things like; I can’t tell, your eyes? Really.
Also all the hard work. I would never have taken such good care of myself if I hadn’t been sick. I went thru the weight stuff awhile ago up down but finally the healthy eating changes agreed with me and at long last my weight has become stable.
I do dump here on DT {always want to write DL~dear ladies….sorry guys I do care} But out there if we get a question why not answer. At long last we educate others and many times it leads to helping someone else. I always find bring it into the conversation someone always knows someone well and guess what! Without even knowing the other suffer we are VALIDATING , yes validating what nobody believes is true!
So I say, tell em’ share, and maybe it will change things for us….and oh we can add about the weight thing and how it’s not what we eat but that our bodies do not remember what to do when we give it food!
Storing it racing it shoving it, everything but what it is suppost to do. Food allergies too, so many I have 27! I learned that if I ate these poisons that would do the damage that caused weight and other terrible side effects.
When I stopped eating these villians and changed my whole idea about eating the weigh just fell off. I couldn’t believe it. I will tell you the diet change was by far one of the hardest things I have ever done. But I did it! I am very proud that I took control. Funny thing I didn’t even do this food thing for weight loss. I did it because of my food allergies. I had come to a place that I just wanted to feel good again at any weight.
Love you both, I am so proud to know you , Linny
Dear Linny,
Thank you for being so sweet! I can’t believe you’re suffering from so many allergies, I’m so sorry. But yes, at the same time it helps keep diets in check.
Just so everyone knows, if I eat a handful of Doritos, I’ll be bent over from horrendous gas pains. My stomach has gotten so sensitive to chemicals it’s amazing. Now that just keeps me away from all the crap, and it’s fine by me.
Also, feel free to share as much as you want! I want to hear from anyone who reads this and needs to vent, agree, disagree, what have you. Opening up helps the healing.
xoxo,
Nicole
Congrats Nix on the new job and great column.
Dear Lolly,
Thanks lady! I appreciate it. Hope you’re doing awesomely well!
xoxo,
Nicole
I don’t know if this is your thing, but, I write some letters!
People like that need to be confronted. But choose your own way.
I wrote to one who said some very personal things to me in a public place.
But I started it like…..because I have manners I am writing you a letter to say you have none. How dare you …..blah blah etc. whatever makes you feel better.
The pen is mighter than the sword. It proves that people can have personal control over saying any damn thing that pops into their head.
Some stupid chatter just let it go…..or say something like “how remarkable you pointed that out to me!” But I wouldn’t say that to anyone else if I were you!
Hi Linny,
If this is directed at me, thank you. I daren’t put anything in writing between co-workers… It would go in my employee file. IT IS however an excellent way to vent, if I write it and keep for my own satisfaction. I won’t go into it, because it is a co-worker and I don’t want to get fired. Lets just leave it at “she isn’t worth the energy”.
🙂
Amanda
Hi everyone! This is my first time on the website and I LOVE it! Congratulations again, Nicole! I am genuinely happy for you on this new endeavor. I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism last May and it has been one of the most difficult experiences of my life. I was working as a Jr. High teacher before and am now the part-time librarian. I really can’t wait to teach again and reading your letter has inspired me. So it does get better? That’s good to know! 🙂
~*~Lizette~*~
wow yes! YES YES YES! I’m SO PROUD of you for just saying, I got sick and now I’m doing shit differently!
I’m so tired of sick being a dirty word too!!
YES
PROUD OF YOU HOT MAMACITA!
And congrats on the job too!
A thousand times over.
A bazillion times over.
and over.
and over.
and over.
xoxoxo
Muah!
xo
Melissa
OMG, Nicole! This is flippin’ awesome. I’m so proud of you for seeing yourself not as Graves’, but as YOU. Thank you for inspiring and encouraging.
And congratulations on the new job! You deserve it, baby!
xoxo,
Joanna