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The Legend of the Butterfly

Post Published: 12 November 2010
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Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 11 responses. Leave a comment

There is a Native American legend that says, “If you have a secret wish, capture a butterfly and whisper your wish to it. Since butterflies cannot speak, your secret is ever safe in their keeping. Release the butterfly, and it will carry your wish to the Great Spirit, who alone knows the thoughts of butterflies. By setting the butterfly free, you are helping to restore the balance of nature, and your wish will surely be granted.”

Dear Thyroid,

I feel as though you know my deepest darkest secrets, wishes and dreams.  It’s like you know my soul and how it works and what it is that makes me tick.

Remember when I had the energy to go non-stop from sun up to well past the sun going down?  Remember when I had dreams of being a star on stage where I could touch the emotions of hundreds of strangers in the audience before me?  Remember when I used to be able to make people around me laugh until they shed a little tear and how I used to be able to light up a whole room?  Remember when I had dreams and wishes that were so set in stone, I didn’t think about them as maybes?

Do you remember????  Because, it’s hard to remember all those things.  I have a hard time remembering what I did yesterday, or what I have to accomplish today.  Those days were a lifetime before today.  Those memories are locked up in a box, stored away behind the curtain of haze and cloudiness and blocked by the reality I have before me.  I can’t remember them anymore!!!

I am trying to remember a day where I actually felt good.  Where I laughed over the littlest quirkiness that happened in front of me or when I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, to allow the sun’s rays to warm my skin, just because it felt good…HELP ME!!!!  I can’t find the box with those memories!!!  I couldn’t have lost those too.  I can’t have another day without those.  please.  help me. one last time. before you go…

I remember the day when that student tried as hard as he could to scrape the right tissue away for the biopsy.  I remember that pain.  I remember, right before I was going to walk out the door, to pick up my son from the bus stop at the end of our block, the words my Doctor said.  “You have cancer”.  I remember feeling my husband cry in my arms when he got home.  His shoulders shook, his tears were warm against my skin and he held me tight.  I remember it’s time to take my pill when my alarm sounds at six o’clock every morning.  They are new this week.  I think they may actually be working.

Do you remember my secret wish?  The one I gave you before you left?  I think you are starting to remember it.  It was the one that was tied with the pretty little bow.  It wasn’t too heavy, or too awkward to carry far.  It was just a simple little wish and maybe simple little dream or two.

You might like to know, I think nature is starting to balance itself out a bit.  I have a little clarity.  I have a little bit of energy building up inside my soul again.  I can see the light and feel the warmth coming through the blinds that are partially open today.  Sometimes I even catch a little smile coming from the mirror.  I laugh with my son and even embarrass him with a little old school dancing.  I hold my husband and we make love without crying inside.

Thank you for remembering to take my wish with you.  I will remember to remember you, everyday.

best wishes for you and for me,

Molly

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11 Responses to “The Legend of the Butterfly”

  1. Amanda says:

    Molly,
    Wonderful letter. I felt every word. So beautifully written. I am glad you are getting some balance.

    Be well,
    Amanda

  2. Linda B Reed says:

    Eloquently said and thought-provoking letter! You captured so many emotions to which I, as many others, can certainly relate.

  3. Lisa Davis Budzinski says:

    Oh Molly that was wonderful! Thank you for sharing that. I send you strength and much more happiness and smiles as you continue your journey.

  4. MollyH78 says:

    Thank you Amanda and Linda for taking the time to read my little ditty. It felt good getting the words out in the open. : )

  5. Was a beautiful letter..well said . Im still waiting for some balance. I can certainly relate.

  6. Kathryn says:

    Thank you for this note. It’s funny, I had my thyroid removed in 2008, and it just now seems like I am starting to see the light again. I feel like I am becoming myself again.

  7. Linny says:

    More and more we come out of the storm. Hard so hard for so long we no longer care what time of day. Then ever so slowwly at first we cannot notice a small but significate change.
    The things we used to do are waiting. We begin to care about them again and move forward. Tiring easily we accomplish little. Fustrated we expect more of ourselves. We begin to look better and then we are questioned. Where have you been? they wonder/why haven’t you been helping/ they ask.
    A small voice inside answers….yes, where HAVE YOU BEEN< my friend?
    before you feel quilt remember what little they did to help you. You might have needed some company. They never knew what pain was felt. What complete regeneration of body and soul felt like.
    If you get them to listen, tell them what you can. Do not let them hurt you, it will set you back on your heels.
    Continue the progress. Give yourself pats on the back. And gentle coaxing will be necessary. Rest a lot and keep peaceful. You will arrive to a point of feeling so much better. You won't be like you used to be. Give yourself time to discover the newer you.
    Be slow to judge yourself. You may find many better things about the changes. You will remember you were someone else. You will have to mourn the loss. This will be an emotional reality.
    Be brave, you will be alright. Keep your chin up and push yourself a little each day. Look for the things you love. Re learn what makes you happy. It will be different but it can be a wonderful too.
    I'm on this same path so I will see you there and here.
    Love, Linny

  8. MollyH78 says:

    Jeanne, Thank you, I hope you find a little balance in a small part of your day. I cherish the little bits that happen. : )

    Kathryn, Yay! I am so happy to hear you are seeing the light. It is an amazing thing to see even just a glimpse of. : )

    Linny, How pretty! It is crazy how you can change so much in such a short time. I notice certain things don’t matter as much as they used to, and so many more little things matter more than you can ever express. I love those little things now. : ) I also notice, I want to experience life more than ever. I want to try new things, talk to more people and try to take those moments I used to pass by. Life has become slower, and a lot of that has to do with how I feel, but I am starting to like it. Be well!

  9. Linny says:

    Yes, you have made the change. Soon now your wings will dry and you will be able to fly…..Happy sailing…nothing can stop you now. Love, Linny

  10. Judanna says:

    Thank you Molly, for you delicately woven tail of silk from the coccoon from which you fled, I’m spellbound, because I couldn’t stop flying since I broke free of mine & they tell me they left my isthmus & it has some cells. . . that don’t belong. . . so,I’ve lost my sense of directon, suddenly. Grounded for the last 5 days with migraines from the radiation shot from the checkup PET / CAT. Somehow when they took mine, 1 1/2 ms ago, they gave me my life back. I have never felt better, but I’m contemplating laying some eggs & I’m wondering if they have to be frozen in time or should I seize the moment ?

  11. amy says:

    That was beautifully written, Molly. Thank you.

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