Fat Thigh-roid Woes: It’s A Wonderful Life right?
One of my fave holiday movies of all time is It’s a Wonderful Life. I don’t think I need to explain my love for Jimmy Stewart, since he was just so darn lovable. The funniest part in the movie, you ask? After we find out his brother is dead because George was never there to save him, he confronts Clarence with something that goes a little like this:
George: WHERE’S MARY?
Clarence: You’re not going to like it George….
George: ::shaking Clarence::: WHERE’S MARY?
Clarence: SHE’S AN OLD MAID! SHE NEVER MARRIED, AND SHE’S JUST ABOUT TO CLOSE THE LIBRARY.
This is the climax. Let’s gloss over George’s bro being dead and get to the good stuff. Mary is FRIGID.
We then see George running to the library to see his precious Mary locking up the door, turning around and clutching her purse…fearful to tread down the stairs single. I mean, this is amazing on so many levels…
- Her hair is in a bun.
- She’s really paranoid and clutching her purse.
- Where else must an old maid work besides the library? I mean, this is where dusty old vaginas go to DIE.
Why didn’t the writers opt for her being married to that guy Sam, the one her mom wanted her to marry?
Because it wouldn’t have been as tragic for the times, obviously.
Here is the deal – George Bailey didn’t come off as the most amazing husband of all time. He wasn’t rich enough to support all his kids, and he was damn moody…no one says “I wish I’d never been born” unless they’re bratty, right?
Mary might have been better off being single, if she just changed her…perspective.
I guess what I’m trying to say (on my 3rd glass of wine on this fine and almost wintery LA evening) is that let’s change our perspective in the year to come.
Let’s turn the thyroid diseased old maid into a Slutty French Maid.
Let’s lock our doors when we’re ready to start the day, and walk down those stairs with our heads held high and daring someone to try and snatch our purses.
Let’s not entertain George Bailey and his whining, cause 2011 is about us and the lifestyle we’re choosing to live.
Let’s quit our low paying jobs at the Library of Useless Thyroid Disease, and send life resumes out to better paying gigs.
I wish each and every one of you lovelies a safe and happy holiday season!
PS – I’ll see ya’ll after the holidays!