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Fat Thigh-roid Woes: It’s A Wonderful Life right?

Post Published: 17 December 2010
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Category: Column, Fat Thigh Roid Woes, Graves Disease Symptoms Column
This post currently has 7 responses. Leave a comment

One of my fave holiday movies of all time is It’s a Wonderful Life.  I don’t think I need to explain my love for Jimmy Stewart, since he was just so darn lovable.  The funniest part in the movie, you ask?  After we find out his brother is dead because George was never there to save him, he confronts Clarence with something that goes a little like this:

George: WHERE’S MARY?
Clarence: You’re not going to like it George….
George: ::shaking Clarence::: WHERE’S MARY?
Clarence: SHE’S AN OLD MAID!  SHE NEVER MARRIED, AND SHE’S JUST ABOUT TO CLOSE THE LIBRARY.

This is the climax.  Let’s gloss over George’s bro being dead and get to the good stuff.  Mary is FRIGID.

We then see George running to the library to see his precious Mary locking up the door, turning around and clutching her purse…fearful to tread down the stairs single.  I mean, this is amazing on so many levels…

  1. Her hair is in a bun.
  2. She’s really paranoid and clutching her purse.
  3. Where else must an old maid work besides the library?  I mean, this is where dusty old vaginas go to DIE.

Why didn’t the writers opt for her being married to that guy Sam, the one her mom wanted her to marry?

Because it wouldn’t have been as tragic for the times, obviously.

Here is the deal – George Bailey didn’t come off as the most amazing husband of all time.  He wasn’t rich enough to support all his kids, and he was damn moody…no one says “I wish I’d never been born” unless they’re bratty, right?

Mary might have been better off being single, if she just changed her…perspective.

I guess what I’m trying to say (on my 3rd glass of wine on this fine and almost wintery LA evening) is that let’s change our perspective in the year to come.

Let’s turn the thyroid diseased old maid into a Slutty French Maid.

Let’s lock our doors when we’re ready to start the day, and walk down those stairs with our heads held high and daring someone to try and snatch our purses.

Let’s not entertain George Bailey and his whining, cause 2011 is about us and the lifestyle we’re choosing to live.

Let’s quit our low paying jobs at the Library of Useless Thyroid Disease, and send life resumes out to better paying gigs.

I wish each and every one of you lovelies a safe and happy holiday season!

Much love,

Nix

PS – I’ll see ya’ll after the holidays!

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7 Responses to “Fat Thigh-roid Woes: It’s A Wonderful Life right?”

  1. Amanda says:

    That was one of my favorite movies when I was young. Maybe you touched on the reasons that it now makes me cringe, or maybe we just watched it too many times. The story line is great, they could have done so many lessons with it. Without George, Mary never developed the will to “live”. What the hell ever.

    Without my thyroid issue, I still would be living each day to the fullest. Now I just have an added twist, am more defensive about what I want/need and I feel and I refuse to look back and wish things away. But to have never been born? No, that is whiney. I even wince when I begin to think “why me?”… since I hear people around me say that phrase all the time and I hold myself back from telling them exactly “why”. Why not? Sure, we all have days when we clutch our purse and fear the world… those are the days you hold your keys poking out between your fingers, fist clenched and be ready to fight harder!

    Exactly.

    Amanda

  2. Melissa Travis says:

    I never get tired of telling you how much I love you. And how hilarious and awesome you are!
    xoxo
    I’m still cracking up!
    xo
    Melissa

  3. Nicole Wells says:

    Dear Amanda,

    Well put! It’s true, Mary was nothing without her whiney husband…I hate that this attitude still exists today. (Hello, the Twilight saga – weakest female character ever, wants to die without her Edward…but that’s a rant for another time.)

    Have a wonderful holiday, my tough country mama!

    xoxo,

    N

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