Usually the Holidays make me Uncomfortable, but not this Year
I make out my cards early in the season for the people involved in our lives, for many reasons.
A chance to decorate our house a new way and invite friends, so we can have a little soirée.
We love the warm music and the songs, especially the ones we can sing along to.
We look at our budget very carefully to see which gifts we can buy.
On the glistening snowflakes I make a magical wish in the moonlight.
Watching family styled, heartwarming, television programs at night.
Always peace that I will be able to have my children and fiancé together at the table.
But, then there are these feelings in the pit of my gut that someone will say words that will cut.
I will let it ride; keeping my thoughts inside, but I will wonder why I took that 4 hour ride.
I will think deeply about the offender’s pride and remind myself of his harmed child inside.
I remember when mom’s invitation was wrought with lies because my adult son wanted to break ties.
There’s my sis-in-law’s ecstasy whenever she sees me and yet when I call her she lets her phone be.
My sister and I have always had a rift, so why do we continue to bring a gift?
My brother walks in so corporately cold yet bends down to kiss me on the cheek so bold.
It’s obvious my family was never close to me and I wonder why one day a year why they pretend to be?
With my fiancé’s family there are so many smiles as we open the door. Our names are always shouted out before our feet even hit the floor.
The children run up to us, taking our coats; we’re relieved of our presents from the car we brought.
We sit at a table teeming with big platters, taking what we’re able to.
And nobody cares if we can’t eat much or stares.
The children play, but end up on my lap anyway and we hug, and talk about the day.
Two languages are spoken, but we all get the joke as we laugh the night away.
Two households, two towns, two states, we’re bound, we travel, but this year we won’t unravel. ‘Cause this year is different, a year like no other, I will make him a father and he will make me a mother.
Judanna di Peppo
Tags: Dear Thyroid Letters, familial disconnect during the holidays, feeling extricated from family, holidays impact on thyroid patients, surviving the holidays with thyroid disease, thyroid blog, thyroid forum, thyroid patient poems, thyroid patient prose, thyroid support