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Usually the Holidays make me Uncomfortable, but not this Year
I make out my cards early in the season for the people involved in our lives, for many reasons.
A chance to decorate our house a new way and invite friends, so we can have a little soirée.
We love the warm music and the songs, especially the ones we can sing along to.
We look at our budget very carefully to see which gifts we can buy.
On the glistening snowflakes I make a magical wish in the moonlight.
Watching family styled, heartwarming, television programs at night.
Always peace that I will be able to have my children and fiancé together at the table.
But, then there are these feelings in the pit of my gut that someone will say words that will cut.
I will let it ride; keeping my thoughts inside, but I will wonder why I took that 4 hour ride.
I will think deeply about the offender’s pride and remind myself of his harmed child inside.
I remember when mom’s invitation was wrought with lies because my adult son wanted to break ties.
There’s my sis-in-law’s ecstasy whenever she sees me and yet when I call her she lets her phone be.
My sister and I have always had a rift, so why do we continue to bring a gift?
My brother walks in so corporately cold yet bends down to kiss me on the cheek so bold.
It’s obvious my family was never close to me and I wonder why one day a year why they pretend to be?
With my fiancé’s family there are so many smiles as we open the door. Our names are always shouted out before our feet even hit the floor.
The children run up to us, taking our coats; we’re relieved of our presents from the car we brought.
We sit at a table teeming with big platters, taking what we’re able to.
And nobody cares if we can’t eat much or stares.
The children play, but end up on my lap anyway and we hug, and talk about the day.
Two languages are spoken, but we all get the joke as we laugh the night away.
Two households, two towns, two states, we’re bound, we travel, but this year we won’t unravel. ‘Cause this year is different, a year like no other, I will make him a father and he will make me a mother.
Judanna di Peppo
Tags: Dear Thyroid Letters, familial disconnect during the holidays, feeling extricated from family, holidays impact on thyroid patients, surviving the holidays with thyroid disease, thyroid blog, thyroid forum, thyroid patient poems, thyroid patient prose, thyroid support
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7 Responses to “Usually the Holidays make me Uncomfortable, but not this Year”
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Judanna,
This is just beautiful. It is a gift to us that you have shared, thank you!
Enjoy the family that enjoys you!
Amanda
I’m glad you enjoyed it Amanda ! If there ever was a prince,this guy is it.
Judanna
Dear Amanda,
Aren’t you glad you can be different than the family that brought you here! Celebrate that you alone became aware of the precious real loves in life. Be sad for them, but not for yourself. For you recieved the best of all and were able to let yourself have the life you deserve.
If I could guess, the “old” family might me jealous for your happiness.
Seek and thee shall find.
Pay your regards to those who brought you here, But live where life is good and you are honored as you should. Be an example when you visit, don’t hide how much happier you are. Maybe they will learn from your example.
Why do I know this? Because it is familar to me too.
Lovingly for US, Linny
Linny,
I appreciate you taking the time out to write during this season, when everybody is so busy. Yes, I think you are right, some of them are jealous because I don’t allow their religion to control me like they do, others feel that because I am divorced I don’t DESERVE to be happy & others feel that since I had cancer over the last 12 + years all the bad things they said or bad treatment along the way now has NO MERIT. It’s like they all have to eat crow now & they realize I couldn’t care less !
So, thank you kindred spirit, for we know life is more than guilt, anger,sorrow & fear & outward pretentions. We simply drop that nonsense & live !
Judanna,
Enjoy all that love and happiness! Yes you do deserve it, all of it. With all that we have been through it is sad that we find ourselves having to cut ties with ones whom we have blood ties with. Do not fret over it for one minute.
Judanna I’m glad you knew I meant you when I wrote the name Amanda.
Boy do things get confused when pressure and stress adds to the Menu!
I hope I keep “cool” during these festivities…..I scolded a rude man at the store last night! Fearlessly told him he was rude. I was right but I should be careful….who knows he might try to punch me?
I have never been so revealing of my feelings as I have been since I got sick….what is this about?
Love, Linny
Judanna,
Beautiful poetic words..thank you for sharing.
Lolly