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Monday November 18th 2019


Chronic Snarkopolist: Oh What the New Year Brings!

Post Published: 29 December 2010
Category: chronic autoimmune conditions column, Chronic Snarkopolist, Column
This post currently has 9 responses. Leave a comment

Hello my loves.  The New Year approaches!

I have never told anyone this story before but it reflects how we all feel sometime. It happened over a New Year years ago.  And it shows how we all kiss the sky and suck dirt at various points in our lives.  It is a circuitous New Years story.

My friend Gloria was going through a divorce and was woefully unhappy.  I was celebrating the New Year with friends in Ireland and invited her to come.  She came over because she couldn’t bear to be in her home and miss all the traditions she’d had with her ex.  Whilst she was in Ireland she’d managed to have a decent time.  However, she also lost a gold hoop earring that had sentimental value to her.

As I was seeing her to the plane to the UK where she was spending another week visiting friends she mentioned that losing her earring was one more loss. She took it as an indicator of how her entire life was going to be and losing it at the beginning of the New Year was proof of how horrible her life would be from then one.  I hugged her and comforted her but she was sad anyway.  We all cycle in despair when we are down. I know I do!

On the way back to where I was staying I felt so conflicted. Life is so full of loss and pain.  Why can’t we find a simple gold earring once in a while?  Why can’t we have joy? Why can’t a few good things happen too? Miles away I trudged and behold in a puddle of water near a bus stop I saw a gold shiny thing. I held it up and it was her missing earring!

I clutched it to me! What are the chances? Sometimes you actually look down and see gold! Sometimes in the shit storm of life you find what someone else is missing! I posted it in the mail to her address in New York and it got to her home before she had returned from her European trip.  I was so happy. It was a sign that there were good things ahead.

Two years later I invited her to my wedding.  I also invited another close friend who lived on the opposite cost in San Francisco.  The day they met there were instant sparks. Who knew? They would have never met if not at my (pathetically horrific fizzled out craptacular event where at least 3 other couples are now living in bliss) wedding. She even pulled me aside after realizing his shirt fit and said, “It’s the holy grail!”  I will always remember that.  Now that prednisone has expanded me into a woman OF SIZE and I continue to date men who wear mediums yes – a men’s shirt that fits is indeed THE HOLY GRAIL.

They fitfully dated coast to coast for years, all during my marriage and divorce and illness.  And now they are together, in partnered bliss.  We’ve seen each other through it; Cycles of joy and grief and pain.  There were times when we were sure nothing would EVER be ok. And there were times when I was positive breathing was all I could do.  And there were times when we were all on top of the world.

But I’m holding on to the notion that sometimes you look down and not only find gold but you find your friend’s sentimental gold earring because it is supposed to be returned to her and you are supposed to spread a little joy and hope.  You are supporting her during her crisis. I keep believing that we all share and heal.

I keep doing this week after week because I continually have people loving me and giving to me and sharing with me.  When I am the most down someone inevitably comes through for me and I know that there is hope.  I may not have any wedding invitations at the moment but I know at any moment any one of you might look down and find my special sentimental earring and send it back to me.  We’ve got each other.  We’re here for each other.  We’re all in this together.

New Years will never be the same for me after that moment. It was when I stopped making resolutions to change and started making resolutions for change.  I’m all about making life a better place for each of us because we’re all in it and we’re all doing it.

Happy New Year my loves! I send you hope for love and comfort and time to reflect and heal yourself and spend comforting and healing others with sharing and listening.  I have shared this story because I believe that sometimes we TRULY are able to look down and be there in small ways that one might never believe. Life is strange and complex and terrifically odd. And sometimes we are the only things left making a difference. And THANK YOU for making a difference for me. THANK YOU.

I would love to hear your best New Years story. Tell me! I must know!

I’ll be back same time next week! Kiss kiss!

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9 Responses to “Chronic Snarkopolist: Oh What the New Year Brings!”

  1. Amanda says:

    Great story Melissa. I believe strongly in “signs” that lead us. Finding the earring was so much more than finding a lost item, love that you saw that.

    Thank you for sharing this.

    Happy New Year!

  2. HDinOregon says:

    Wonderful story Melissa! And a bit eerir too, what indeed are the chances of finding that ear-ring?

    I wish you Melissa, and all here on DT a healthy and calming and balanced (not just in the T3 & T4 hormonal sense) New Year 2011.

    May you all find HOLY GRAILS: small ones, huge ones, and in-between one!

    Cheers to the New Year!

  3. Lolly says:

    Melly Mel I too believe strongly in signs and things that happen for a reason, although I can’t always see the reasoning behind it, not straight away.

    I think the only time I can remember (as my T-Fucked up brain lets me) is just before my Thyroidectomy, which was scheduled for March 07. My lovely kind beautiful daughter Michelle asked me to go on Holiday or should I say Vacation because it was something I had only dreamed off and never thought in my life time I would do.

    She had booked us up for two weeks in Jamaica Trewlaney, I was a little apprehensive about the long haul journey and it was new year. I had a blast, I could just forget myself and let my short hair down. Forget all the past illness didn’t give a shit what I ate, sooon it would all be over and I wasn’t going to let this holiday of a life time be ruined by Graves disease or the fact I looked liked Nemo on a good day. I had my life long wish to swim with the dolphins, they excepted me I was a fish for a day… that was just out of this world, I felt all my troubles all my woes everything vanish as they pushed me across the water I’m sure they knew because I went the furthest and had to bend my legs if not i would have hit the other side. I love those dolphins Never wanted it to end.

    The worst part was coming back to the UK to snow cold looking like I’d been stuck in a hot furnace cuz I turned black. Back to reality, back to doubts of should I, shouldn’t I go through with this damn surgery. I wish I had gone with my gut instinct and not been scare mongered by endo and surgeon about it could be cancer. I might still be that person I was back then. I hate the person I have become, I want to change I want to make New years resolutions but I know I Just won’t keep them. Instead I have goals and one is to lose weight. Two is to not give up. And last is Keep my friends close and my enemies even closer so doctors/Endo’s/surgeons watch out because I ain’t taking no shit or hostages In 2011….!!!!!

    The best thing to happen was Grandson born on the 9th Dec even that has it’s problems. we will get through it as a family even though it breaks my heart.

    Thank you Melly Mel for letting me let it all out I do hope that 2011 is a much better year for you. <3

  4. Jody Schoger says:

    I think you are the bee’s knees…just an incredible story with an even bigger message: don’t a make a resolution to but FOR change…and in all things: look for the gold hidden beneath your feet.


  5. Graves Situation says:

    You left out a part of the story, Melissa. You only found your friend’s earring because you had your eyes open. Instead of plodding along caught up in your own head, you were paying attention to the world around you, concerned for your friend’s wellbeing.

    We walk right past treasure all the time- lost gold, people who could become friends, lovers, business partners, all sorts of opportunities. Put down the cell phone for a minute. Shut off the iPod. Quiet the incessant noise in your heads, people, and take a look. A mud puddle may contain gold. The odd looking, not-so-pretty person may have the answers you’re seeking.

  6. lindajones says:

    This is a wonderful story. I have done more good reading here this morning. Thank you.

  7. yallolorry says:

    beautiful, beautiful, beautiful post, and beautiful comments from everyone, yes, you had your eyes open and you were able to bring gold and love into your friend’s life. How wonderful, the universe is full of gifts for us, every moment.

    Some can feel horrible and grind us down, why do we get gifts like thyroid disease that we would never choose to have? Some are pure gold and can be instantly recognised as such, what a thrill when it happens!

    How are we to know what any of it means, we keep our eyes open, we do our best to live in hope….yet sometimes we can’t do that…it all just feels too much to bear. It’s all life’s rich tapestry. Right now I’m fascinated by the whole thing, light and shade.

    My new avatar is a great tree I came across yesterday near where I live.

    Look – it’s been decorated with boxes like beautifull my wrapped gifts! How gorgeous, it made me smile standing under it and looking up. at the gifts hanging against the blue sky!

    Because of my illness I’ve finally been forced to give up my job. I’ve lived a high pressure career, spanning more than 20 years in one of the busiest cities on earth, I did not want to stop, I wanted to be indestructible and “successful” and “dynamic” and “high flying” and I just kept on going for years, though it was a struggle as time went on, I was so tired so much of the time and now I’m coming to terms with my illness I realise brain fog was also increasingly making things even more difficult, for me and the people who had to work with me!

    I did my last day on 23rd December. OMG, I’m starting to realise how exciting this is, no more all consuming job!!! My adorable husband means I’m not going to starve, I can rest, I can think about OTHER STUFF!!! The future suddenly seems filled with possibilities…so I’m not as physically strong as I wanted to be, I can’t have or do everything I thought I wanted, but I am thankful for all the gifts in my life, even, bizarrely, the lessons and opportunities this illness seems to be presenting me with!

    happy new year everyone!

  8. lori says:

    Thank you for that beautiful story, Mel!

  9. lori says:

    Oops, I hit the enter key before I finished. Before chronic illness struck I had my eyes wide open and never missed the gold on the ground, I was aware of all around me and enjoyed it. Then I became consumed with chronic illness and just now realize, through your story, how far I have drifted. You have just added to my goals for the new year and I sit here with a smile on my face looking forward to getting back to noticing the gold on the ground! THANK YOU, Mel~♥

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