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Chronic Snarkopolist: Chronic Illness and Adversity

Post Published: 05 January 2011
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Category: chronic autoimmune conditions column, Chronic Snarkopolist, Column
This post currently has 8 responses. Leave a comment

Hello my loves!

I just read an article that discussed life adversity.  In it people who dealt with some adversity in their lives reported feeling more satisfied than those who had never dealt with any major adversity or who had suffered a great deal.  Of course, I thought about this and realized this always depends on where you are in the middle of your adversity.

Adversity is a bitch when you’re smack in the middle of it.  You look around and feel the whole world is against you.  Sometimes your perspective depends even on your mood or the time of day.  When you are all alone or going through the initial stages of any challenge it always feels as though you will never make it.  The mountain seems too tall, the journey too long.  And even when the trial is over, sometimes we cannot face it for many years until we have time to sort through it with someone who can keep us safe.  Emotions are strange things.

I spoke to a friend who often has charming wit and listening ears. I bemoaned how I cannot possibly go through more adversity and can certainly never be able to rise from the phoenix ashes again.  The response, “At 0333 in the oh-dark, on sleepless nights, it can be hard to bubble with glee…”

Sometimes adversity hones us with fires we never wanted to face and we come out with steel we never knew we’d find.  Over and over we watch each other face it.  We learn to take care of each other when we feel the most wounded.  We learn to be vulnerable.  We share our stories with each other.  The wounded heal each other.  And though I have seen plenty of people beaten down by life, I have also seen people coddled to the point of being genuinely incapable of handling even the lightest adversity. There is a happy medium.  There are also simply differences in our psyches.  Being loving and cared for is important and powerful.  And sometimes doing the loving and the caring is equally important.

Most of us are engaging DT as a response to adversity. We are all here as a community healing and sharing.

What do you do when you are alone and have no one to talk to? What does anyone do? Do we always have effective behaviors or do we wallow for a bit? Is there a good way to get through adversity? Are you going through it now or are you in the middle of remission? Are you just getting diagnosed or are you three light years away from it? Tell me! I must know!

I’m taking one week off, then I’ll be back same time the week after next week! Kiss kiss!

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8 Responses to “Chronic Snarkopolist: Chronic Illness and Adversity”

  1. Amanda says:

    Melissa,

    This line: “Sometimes adversity hones us with fires we never wanted to face and we come out with steel we never knew we’d find.”… right there. That says so much. Every struggle I have been through in my adult life has made me stronger and tougher. Graves Disease is different only in that I won’t “get through it”, I will be battling it forever… so I guess I will just keep getting tougher. Right?

    Being alone rarely happens with me, but having someone with quality listening skills is a completely different story. There aren’t many here in my little world, so I write things out in a journal and come back and read them later on. As for wallowing, I was brought up with a non-affectionate non-compassionate mother. Her most commonly used saying was/is “put up or shut up”. Feel the love there? . We weren’t allowed to whine, cry, be pitied, or show much in the way of true emotion. This pretty much f’d me up for a long time. Now I know that it is her issue, not mine and I have healed that wound over pretty much. It left a scar of course. It is ok to whine/wallow a bit, as long as it takes you somewhere. Mostly I do it, then think about what I said or did… and laugh or learn.

    Amanda

    • Melissa Travis says:

      Thank you so so much for sharing Amanda. It is always amazing and powerful what our past and present have combined to make us. It has turned you into such a beautiful and amazing woman. For sure!

      Each time we share and heal we are creating space to heal others and create more healing space for ourselves. I often forget that… and you often remind me just in your beautiful sharing.

      xox
      Melissa

  2. Lolly says:

    Melly Mel I sure am going to miss you next week.

    I spit in the face of adversity, for me everything happens for a reason somethings are just beyond our control we want to get back that control and be incharge but that is not always easy, either way we survive each day by taking little steps.. We learn to walk before we can run and deal with each situation as it arises, there are always going to be obstacles and situations in our way we have to try and learn to Navigate them the best way we can.

    I’ve been through some shit that I wouldn’t even want to bring out on here but instead of letting it beat me it made me the person I am today. One who is no longer afraid to speak out. So each time life throws me a curve ball I’m gonna catch it and I’m gonna throw it back ten times as fucking hard.

    Love ya Mel

    xoxoxo

    • Melissa Travis says:

      Dearest Lolly-Lol,
      I would never wish adversity on anyone, but I can tell you from the beauty that you are you have been forged into the sharpest and most precious steel around. It is such a difficult thing isn’t it, to know that adversity makes us strong and beautiful and at the same time, it also wears us down and those around us down. Yet, being weak is not A WEAKNESS but allows us to be vulnerable. That is what is so difficult for most of us. That is where we’re all learning.

      You are an amazing woman and a gift to me.

      Muah! love you Lolly!
      xo
      Melissa

  3. Fire is refining, to be sure, but going through it is more painful than words can describe.

    You’re amazing, Melissa. Thank you for always making me think.

    Lots of love! With a cherry on top!

    xoxo,
    Joanna

    • Melissa Travis says:

      Sassy Mchotterson Isbill, You always make me think too!!

      Here are cherries on top of cherries to your amazing love.
      xo
      Melissa

  4. Dear Thyroid says:

    Melissa;

    You have no idea how much each of your articles means to me/us. Each sentence is power packed, sistah. You raise so many ideas for us to ponder. your questions force me to examine how I do manage adversity and if there is a best way. I do believe that we as a community can learn from each other by answering the questions you posed.

    This: “At 0333 in the oh-dark, on sleepless nights, it can be hard to bubble with glee…” Truer words have never been spoken.

    you are brilliant, kid. You’re gift. Thank you for being you.

    xo

    • Melissa Travis says:

      Thank you for giving us this community. It is important for us. I’m still healing every single day. Right now many of us are healing.

      This is big. It is thyroid awareness for sure. And it is a powerful time for many of us to be community.

      xoxo
      Big love!
      Melissa

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