Fat Thigh-roid Woes: Nikki Dubs and The Case of the Missing Thy-link
We know that doctors like to see what is on paper, rather than listen to symptoms since so much is…”in our heads” right?
My blood tests have come back from the doc, and this is what I have to report:
T3, free: 2.15
T4, free: 1.44
I don’t feel hyper these days, in fact, I feel closer to hypo.
However, the doctor can only say in his message, “I think you’re heading towards hyperthyroid but come back in 3 months for another blood test.”
Let’s dig further, and think that maybe just maybe my pituitary gland isn’t communicating properly with my T3 and T4 bullshit a year after RAI. You think MAYBE that could be something to think about? I requested my medical records after this message, and saw that my T3 and T4 have gone DOWN from the blood test prior, and my TSH is coming up slightly – yet I’m apparently “headed towards hyperthyroid”.
Don’t even get me started on my antibodies. They’re high as a kite.
Then the rest of the voicemail was about my cholesterol being high, and how I needed to cut down on beef, dairy, “ice cream, pastries and processed foods”.
Good to know, because right when he called I was flipping a double cheeseburger with 80% fat content and about to dip it into tempura batter so I can really go all out and have myself a blessed coronary.
1 minute of my 2 minute voicemail was going into how I needed to change my diet to bring down my cholesterol. 45 seconds was about low vitamin D. The thyroid issue was about 15 seconds of “hyperthyroid”.
If I was a doctor, I’d be willing to say that my cholesterol is mainly a genetic issue AND related to my thyroid. But, I have no credentials besides GOOGLE so what do I know? I’m also not fond of his assumption that my diet must consist of processed foods, ice cream and pastries because my cholesterol is high. It’s almost like a gyno calling back with results and saying, “you have HPV, so obviously you need to cut back on being such a whore and ps? NO MORE QUARTERBACKS FOR YOU MISSY!”
I’m not mad at the doc, he’s a nice guy and just doing his job – I’m just fed up with the whole process. My cholesterol can BLOW ME right now, let me get this thyroid under control then we’ll take a look at my triglycerides. I eat olive oil, avocados, and almonds like they’re going OUTTA STYLE. What else do you want?
When will my TSH, T3 and T4 progress beyond holding hands and French kissing? When will they HOOK UP? I feel like I’m watching The X-Files all over again (I always wanted Mulder and Scully to knock boots).
TSH really has so many flaws, I think I’m just going to breakup with it. Breaking up with Folic Acid too cause it’s high and out of range. I guess that means I’m super fertile or whatever else, I dunno. F it, don’t care…thyroid thyroid thyroid.
While I stare at these pages upon pages of blood tests, I feel like Nancy-FUCKING-Drew in “The Case of the Balding Princess”. Where should I start? Shall I don a sexy trench and modernize it, or do I give a throwback to that perceptive sleuth by flipping my hair, wearing a demure dress and chugging right along to solve this case?
This is my advice to all of you out there new to this thyroid CHAOS –
ARM YOURSELVES WITH KNOWLEDGE.
Had I accepted what my doctor has told me, and not requested my blood tests in the mail I would’ve walked away with “you’re hyperthyroid.”
*NO mention of my anti-bodies.
*NO mention that my T3 & T4 have gone down since my last test.
*NO mention of my good cholesterol being in a sweet spot.
RESEARCH as much as you can, but shy away from the internet horror stories. It’s one of those double-edged sword deals. I mean, you can google “headache” and within minutes you’re convinced an aneurysm is about to take you down, the cats can’t dial 911, and “I’m going to die wearing these hideous panties.”
Use your brain, and keep a level head.
It’s a pain in the ass to have to do this, it really is – and to anyone who hasn’t had to deal with shit health it appears to be bordering on paranoia. I’ll be the first one to say that staring at these numbers, trying to figure out correlation, and researching isn’t A BLAST. I’m not opening a bottle of merlot, fluttering about my living room lighting candles, and checking the pot roast. I get it – if I’m paying for a doctor to do all the thinking for me, why should I have to think about anything beyond what he/she tells me?
Because no one will care more about my body and health than ME.
I put trust in medical professionals to a certain extent, and if I so much question something and they snap at me – my foot will get inserted into their ass. I’m not an asshole that goes in and blabbers away with nothing to back it up, I’m an asshole that actually knows what is up. I don’t mince words, I don’t get intimidated by credentials on the wall, I don’t GIVE a flying hell where you went to school. Just don’t take my health lightly and we’re good. You can be concerned and misinformed, but if you’re dismissive of me and my questions – hope you like that spiked heel on your nuts.
This is why the current doctor will still remain my general physician. While he might not understand endocrinology as well as he probably should, he is concerned and thorough. That’s all I need, because sadly, I haven’t found much better. Now the quest for a new endo begins…
Until next time, take care of yourselves and don’t be afraid to delve into The Mystery of Those Scary Numbers on your next blood test. Nothing is as it appears….