It’s my one year Cancerversary & I’m breaking free
It is now a year since I left you and your cancer side kick and I am popping the champagne corks in celebration. Or rather that is what I should be doing.
Instead of looking in the mirror and feeling fabulous, I am looking and seeing this over weight shadow of a woman that I was, drained of energy and confidence. Why?
Instead of celebrating I have just got home from the doctors after being subscribed anti depressants. Why?
Instead of feeling so excited about my fabulous honeymoon in 5 days time, I am worried that I will drive away the rock in my life, my crutch of support through out this hiccup in my life, my adorable husband. Why?
Instead of being thankful for my family and friends and looking forward to the rest of my life, I am struggling to see beyond today. Why?
Instead of coming home and being the fabulous wife my husband met, I push him away, curl up in a corner and cry uncontrollably. Why?
How can you still make me feel so low even when you are no longer in my life?
Why now after a year of getting rid of you does everyone presume I am OK?
Why is it perceived to be such a weakness to not cope?
Where is the light at the end of my tunnel?
Why do I know you won’t reply and I won’t get these answers?
. . . . . .
It’s time to put my smile back on and try so very hard to be positive about what I have.
It’s time to pretend to be the person that everyone expects me to be, to be the person I was before you tried so very hard to wreck my life and all I love.
Yours still, as much as I am trying to break free