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Thursday January 31st 2019


Fat Thigh-roid Woes: Climbing Out of the Thyroid Trash Can

Post Published: 11 February 2011
Category: Column, Fat Thigh Roid Woes, Graves Disease Symptoms Column
This post currently has 10 responses. Leave a comment

I went for a hike in the hills the other day, and I walked by this concrete water pass that I used to frequent back in the day.  It was covered in graffiti, and the lady I happened upon said that the city used to paint over it and within a few weeks it would be covered again.

This reminded me of the Broken Windows Theory.  To sum up, some social scientist dudes said that if you consider a building with a few broken windows that don’t get repaired in a timely manner, those broken windows encourage people to break a few more and possibly start into full fledged vandalism.  Crime rates therefore rise.  Also, if you consider some litter on a sidewalk, and it’s left there the tendency is for people to think it’s acceptable to leave more until you have completely trashed the neighborhood.  NYC famously implemented this theory to clean up the city, and apparently…it worked.  I’m not here to talk about the flaws in this reasoning, or if it actually works – I’m here because it sparked a thought:  is there a connection between trashing your neighborhood and your self-respect?  And by “neighborhood” I mean, “body”.

If our environment is an extension of us, and our body is an extension of the, say “essence” of us – what does years of thyroid related ravaging do to that essence?

Mentally unstable, physically weak, making bad choices- what steps can we take to cleanup the thyroid graffiti?

First off, allow yourselves only so much wallowing.  I dig on wallowing just as much as the next gal, but it becomes tiresome and before you know it your mind has decided to pack its bags and leave you along with everyone else in your life.

2.  Spend as much time in the present as possible.  Take inventory, how much time throughout the day are you dwelling in the past?  Or living in the responsibilities of the future?  Living in the present is one of the most difficult challenges I’ve taken on, because my mind drifts to everything I want to do.  However, if you ARE going to drift and think about the future – make them positive and pleasant thoughts…like about hot naked people.

3.  Surround yourselves with uplifting and fun friends, you need it.  We all do.  Slowly cut the vampires out.  Cut the drama vampires out too.  By that same logic, if no one is around that fits that description – bust out some alone time.  Be a healthy loner.

4.  Treat yourselves and your body with respect.  Lay off the junk food, it does more than fuck with your hips, it doesn’t nourish your body and by that logic – your mind.  Eat an avocado, it’s awesome.  A whole avo.  Avoid 100 calorie snack shit, it’s loaded with junk ass chemicals.  Stop worrying about your weight and toss your scale as I have done, it’s helped my mind so much I can’t even begin to tell you how awesome it feels to not weigh myself.  I eat what I want (almost like a man), I workout, and my body looks better than it did before I got sick.  My skin?  Glowing.  Thank you avocado and flax seed oil, I wouldn’t know what to do without you!

5.  Take a break from the news.  It’s depressing.  I used to be hooked on knowing what was going on in the world at every moment, and now I only dabble – because everything you read, see and hear will fuck with you.  I’m not saying turn it off forever, I’m just saying take an extended break and replace the news with comedy and you’ll notice a 5lb weight will be lifted off your chest.

6.  Gossip hurts everyone and makes puppies cry.  Do you like making puppies cry?  Everyone loves to gossip, but be aware of it when you’re doing it and figure out a way to minimize that shit.

7.  Be nice to strangers, but don’t expect kindness in return cause you might not get it.  Selfless acts are difficult to manage because our egos always want something in return, even if it’s just someone knowing we’re kind and good.  If you do something nice for a stranger, don’t share that act of kindness expecting some sort of recognition for your kindness (unless it’s a good story, in which case I’m always down for a good story).  If you donate to a charity, don’t let everyone know you make these donations..that shit should remain private.

8.  Know that you’re awesome and start living life with that awesomeness (see my column from a few weeks ago for that reference).

9.  Be creative.  We’re all creative beings, and some of us push that creativity aside for more logical and stable careers.  Take the time to explore your creative talents and find your voice.  Go see an inspiring movie (I cried 3x during The Kings Speech) or listen to an awesome album (many albums make me cry, but classical music will always calm me in STUPID Los Angeles traffic) or read an amazing book/series (Harry Potter ROCKS MY WORLD).

10.  We need to lighten up and not take ourselves so seriously.  I accept that the universe has a wicked sense of humor in order to give me a disease that makes my eyes bulge, neck get fat, and have me choke on water.  Yeah, it fucking sucks, but you can either choose to always be depressed about your predicament or laugh at the absurdity of the whole situation.

Take or leave my advice since it’s just my very outspoken opinion, but these gems have helped me sift through the piles of litter and garbage to yank my way back to the surface.  I’m on my way to making Graves a distant and shitty memory.

Much Love,


**By the way, if you’re interested in reading more about Broken Windows….google it, der.  Just search for “Broken Windows Theory” and you’ll be HOOKED UP.  The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell has a section on NYC implementing this system, and a counter (if not more controversial) argument is presented in the awesome book Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt.  Both of them good reads.

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10 Responses to “Fat Thigh-roid Woes: Climbing Out of the Thyroid Trash Can”

  1. Right on target Nicole! I’m a “laugh at the absurdity” kinda gal. Thank you for the wonderful read today; I thoroughly enjoyed it : )


    • Nicole Wells says:

      Dear Lisa,

      You’re welcome! I’m glad you enjoyed it, and if we can’t laugh at our bullshit situation then we’re truly fucked.



  2. Amanda says:

    I am printing this out and putting on my bulletin board. All good things, all we need to remind ourselves of everyday…

    Thanks kiddo.

    • Nicole Wells says:

      Dear Amanda,

      YES! Sometimes I write these little nuggets on my mirror with lipstick. Then people can come over, use my bathroom, and see what a psycho I really am.



  3. Melissa Travis says:

    wow. You are full of some POWAH. Love it. love love it!


    • Nicole Wells says:

      Dear Melissa,

      Thanks sista! We ALL are full of powah, just gotta figure out how to wield it…that’s the struggle.



  4. Erin B. says:

    Love this-I’m off to clean up some graffiti!

  5. ashton says:

    as soon as i actually have a salary and more than 30 minutes at home at the end of the day, i’m going to cut out all junk food and eat as little processed food as possible. i need to start living “thyroid-friendly” (oh the joys of being a college student and living off taco bell and $5 chinese buffets!)

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