I Need You, And You Need Me. Don’t Leave Me Hangin’
5 years ago I stopped smoking and started gaining weight hand over fist, even though I was working out with a trainer two times a week, and working out at least 2 more times a week on top of that.
I was on synthroid for a hypo-active thyroid since 1980, so I knew that I needed to check my levels. My doctor kept insisting that my thyroid numbers were normal. Then I started getting dizzy and not being able to walk in a straight line. Running into walls gets old very quickly.
Saw doctor after doctor and did test after test with no conclusive results. I used a cane for over a year to keep my balance. I was not working, and running through what money I had saved after moving from LA to the Midwest.
My brother had committed suicide 6 years, hence and I had left Los Angeles to move near my sister. So I was depressed, fatter than ever and dizzy as hell. Some of my friends, (and I use the term loosely), quickly lost patience with me – one friend actually counted how many times I had called her in a year’s time. No sympathy for someone who has no outward symptoms except the use of a cane. And that quickly grows old.
I finally started seeing another doctor and asked for the T-3 and T-4 results – something was indeed wrong. Up and down like a yo-yo went my numbers, and up and down went my synthroid dosage. In one year’s time I went from using 15 mcg of synthroid to 150 mcg of synthroid. I finally took my health into my own hands and went to see an endocrinologist and told her what was wrong. She ordered a slew of blood tests, and finally I had a diagnosis – Hashimoto’s Disease.
Great. Now my thyroid was dying.
For the past year I’ve tried every combination of thyroid drugs you can imagine to stem the death of my thyroid and to see if my numbers can be (sort of) normalized. I’m constantly exhausted but cannot sleep. I am losing my hair and my nails, but gaining weight. I was never a skinny woman but now I’m really obese.
My vitamin D levels have plummeted and I am now taking prescription D. My weight gain has precipitated the onset of Diabetes and I’m now pricking my finger every morning to test my blood sugar levels. And all of this because a little butterfly of a gland is straining to die.
What did I do to deserve this? What did I ever do to you little butterfly gland?
I took care of you when you were hypo-active – I took my synthroid like I was supposed to and this is how you repay me? I cannot stand it anymore – what do I have to do to make things right? Do I deserve to be diabetic because I cannot control my weight gain? Do I deserve to have low D levels because I no longer live in a sunshine state? NO. I DO NOT DESERVE ANY OF THIS.
However, the cold hard facts are reality. I am always exhausted. I may have to wear a wig. I have Hashimoto’s Disease. I am Diabetic. I am still human and long for human touch – but do not dare get too close because of the many issues that I have with my body. I am always exhausted. I may have to wear a wig. I have Hashimoto’s Disease. I am Diabetic. I am lonely. But I have a forum – the dearthyroid website. I find solace from those who write and from those who respond to what has been written.
BIO: I am over 50 and have been hypothyroid since 1980. Was diagnosed with Hashi’s just over a year ago. Formerly worked in LA in the entertainment business and am now working 3 jobs in the midwest just to pay the rent and the doctors bills. One of those jobs is fulltime so I can be considered lucky to have health insurance even though it doesn’t cover a lot. I am not married and have never found that special man. I have a kitty and am about to move to a smaller apartment to save even more money. Life sucks but you gotta keep going.
Tags: Dear Thyroid Letters, genetic autoimmune thyroid disease, Hashimoto's causing dizziness, Hashimoto's thyroid patient letters, hashimoto's thyroiditis, hashimotos symptoms, panic attacks and thyroid, physical symptoms of exhaustion caused by hypothyridism, psychiatric disturbances in Hashimoto's patients