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I Need You, And You Need Me. Don’t Leave Me Hangin’

Post Published: 25 February 2011
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Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 9 responses. Leave a comment

Dear Thyroid:

5 years ago I stopped smoking and started gaining weight hand over fist, even though I was working out with a trainer two times a week, and working out at least 2 more times a week on top of that.

I was on synthroid for a hypo-active thyroid since 1980, so I knew that I needed to check my levels.  My doctor kept insisting that my thyroid numbers were normal.  Then I started getting dizzy and not being able to walk in a straight line. Running into walls gets old very quickly.

Saw doctor after doctor and did test after test with no conclusive results.  I used a cane for over a year to keep my balance.  I was not working, and running through what money I had saved after moving from LA to the Midwest.

My brother had committed suicide 6 years, hence and I had left Los Angeles to move near my sister.   So I was depressed, fatter than ever and dizzy as hell.  Some of my friends, (and I use the term loosely), quickly lost patience with me – one friend actually counted how many times I had called her in a year’s time. No sympathy for someone who has no outward symptoms except the use of a cane.  And that quickly grows old.

I finally started seeing another doctor and asked for the T-3 and T-4 results – something was indeed wrong.  Up and down like a yo-yo went my numbers, and up and down went my synthroid dosage.  In one year’s time I went from using 15 mcg of synthroid to 150 mcg of synthroid.  I finally took my health into my own hands and went to see an endocrinologist and told her what was wrong.  She ordered a slew of blood tests, and finally I had a diagnosis – Hashimoto’s Disease.

Great.  Now my thyroid was dying.

For the past year I’ve tried every combination of thyroid drugs you can imagine to stem the death of my thyroid and to see if my numbers can be (sort of) normalized.  I’m constantly exhausted but cannot sleep.  I am losing my hair and my nails, but gaining weight. I was never a skinny woman but now I’m really obese.

My vitamin D levels have plummeted and I am now taking prescription D.  My weight gain has precipitated the onset of Diabetes and I’m now pricking my finger every morning to test my blood sugar levels.  And all of this because a little butterfly of a gland is straining to die.

What did I do to deserve this?  What did I ever do to you little butterfly gland?

I took care of you when you were hypo-active – I took my synthroid like I was supposed to and this is how you repay me?  I cannot stand it anymore – what do I have to do to make things right?  Do I deserve to be diabetic because I cannot control my weight gain?  Do I deserve to have low D levels because I no longer live in a sunshine state?  NO. I DO NOT DESERVE ANY OF THIS.

However, the cold hard facts are reality.  I am always exhausted.  I may have to wear a wig.  I have Hashimoto’s Disease.  I am Diabetic.  I am still human and long for human touch – but do not dare get too close because of the many issues that I have with my body.  I am always exhausted.  I may have to wear a wig.  I have Hashimoto’s Disease.  I am Diabetic.  I am lonely.  But I have a forum – the dearthyroid website.  I find solace from those who write and from those who respond to what has been written.

Thank you.

Patricia


BIO:  I am over 50 and have been hypothyroid since 1980.  Was diagnosed with Hashi’s just over a year ago.  Formerly worked in LA in the entertainment business and am now working 3 jobs in the midwest just to pay the rent and the doctors bills.  One of those jobs is fulltime so I can be considered lucky to have health insurance even though it doesn’t cover a lot.  I am not married and have never found that special man.  I have a kitty and am about to move to a smaller apartment to save even more money. Life sucks but you gotta keep going.

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9 Responses to “I Need You, And You Need Me. Don’t Leave Me Hangin’”

  1. Amanda says:

    Patricia,

    Great job telling your story. I hate how frustrating this must be for you, but I do understand.

    Keep writing and sharing, I know it helps.

    Amanda

  2. KNW THT U R NOT ALONE,I TOO AM FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE,KEEP UR HEAD UP,EAT WELL ,WEAR A WIG PUT NAILS ON ,GET UP IF ONLY TO MOVE IN FRONT OF THE TV.DONT STOP!TERESA ONE DAY AT A TIME IS PROGRESS!

  3. Wakela says:

    I know exactly what you are going through. Many of my “friends” (and I use the term loosely) scattered to the wind the sicker I got.

    Just know that you are not alone. There are many of us out there. Unfortunately we are all scattered to the winds. But we have these wonderful pages here to keep us together.

  4. Bev says:

    Patriica, it is like I am reading my own story! Only thing different…mine was cancer. After my surgery 4 years ago (before the radioactive iodine) my incision became abcessed. I had to have a ct scan with contrast dye. The dr did emergency surgery in the er. Long story short, my RI treatment was throwed off for almost 3 months. I had full blown hypo-thryoidism by that time. Haven’t recovered yet. Hair is very thin, skin so dry that you would think I lost half of my body weight. Nails break off, I am a mess. One more year for full body scans and then maybe I might get back on track. You are not alone, thank God I found this site, Has been a lifesaver.

  5. Ana says:

    Just wanted to send you some love Patricia. I really can’t say anything else ‘coz I feel a lot like you and I don’t know the answers. I do know that you’re not alone. Keep on keeping on 🙂

  6. Patricia Saphier says:

    Thank you for your support. This website has indeed been a life saver…I read it when I’m down and read it when I’m on a roll and it always hits the spot. I know that I’m not alone but sometimes it is difficult to remember…then I got to the website and i truly get it. Thanks. xoxo patricia

  7. Mary says:

    Just know your never alone we may be spread far and wide but we are all here and know what your going thru. Thankfully thyroid disease is getting in the news more and talk shows. We will prevail. Hugs. Mary

  8. lynn says:

    Oh, how I can relate to your story! Up, down, up, down…you never feel normal. I recently started to go on the hypo side about 6 months ago. 15 pound weight gain in a matter of a month, exhaustion, insomnia, vision, etc. I started to notice that after I ate any grains at all, I would feel even worse. I’m not kidding, after a lunch of white pasta with red sauce and parmesan, I sat in a comfy chair and actually nodded off, complete with drooling and head spinning.
    My cousin suggested that maybe I had a gluten intolerance. No way, I thought, I’m not giving up bread, pasta, beer. Well, I started with just cutting out beer, and felt better. After about a week, I started with no grains or anything that had gluten in it. After only 2 weeks, I lost 12 pounds and around 4 inches from my waist. To date, I’ve lost 25 pounds and I wish it would come off faster, but I’m in the hypo phase now, so you know how frustrating that is! I still feel most of the crap ass symptoms, but I feel soooo much better than I would have.
    Do some research for yourself and maybe give it a week.
    Wishing you all the best, you sound very brave.

  9. Caroline says:

    Looks like this post is two years old now, but what the heck…have you removed gluten and dairy from your diet, Patricia? Strongly recommend it, if you haven’t already. And also recommend working with a doc who practices integratieve medicine, who will check your iron & vitamin D levels, etc. One of the best resources I’ve found on line is Deb Anderson Eastman’s FB support group, Beating Thyroid Disease with LDN. Good luck to you!

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