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Life Redefined: Waiting

Post Published: 22 March 2011
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Category: Column, Life Redefined, Thyroid Cancer in Young Adults Column
This post currently has 2 responses. Leave a comment

I’m really bad at waiting, especially when it comes to waiting for my doctor to call. Usually, I call his office several times bugging them to give me some answers. When scheduling a scan or some other procedure, I become BFFs with the clinical manager. I have her on speed dial. She probably rues the day she gave me her personal cell phone number. She made the mistake of telling me she stays in the office until 9PM most days. Her point was so for me to give her a break and STOP CALLING so she can catch up on the piles of work on her desk. My thought process: “Oh great! I can work in AT LEAST one more phone call before you head home.”

So yeah, I’m not good at being patient when it comes to my health. I want it fixed and I want it fixed now. I want the results so I can lay to rest the anxiety that incessantly gnaws at my mind. I want the results so I can feed the type A side of my personality and plan the next step of treatment.

Last week I went to see my endocrinologist. At my previous appointment, we discussed scheduling another RAI ablation for sometime late this spring. So I had already mentally prepared for the low iodine diet and for another round of RAI. I walked into my endo’s office last week ready to get the order for an I-131 ablation from him and head down to my BFFs office to get this shindig scheduled. Instead, my endo tells me we’re going to wait. Say what? He said we’re going to wait until August, do another whole body scan, and reassess the situation.

For a brief moment, I started to enter into freak out mode. But I really do LOVE my doctor and I trust his opinion, so he and I discussed his proposed plan and I came to agree with him 100%. (Note: He and I did discuss this as a team, and if I pushed to have a whole body scan sooner, he would have compromised.) So that’s where I am now. Watching and waiting. And let’s be honest, there’s a lot more waiting than there is watching.

This is new territory for me. We’ve already established that I’m not good at waiting. But I’ve also decided that I don’t want to live my life scan to scan. Yes, scans and tests and doctors appointments are going to be part of my life, but I don’t want them to actually BE my life. So that’s one of the reasons I’m okay with waiting this time. Between now and August, I’m going to live first and wait second.

I’d love to hear your suggestions on how I can push “waiting” to a backburner in my life. How do you move forward with life while waiting for big appointments and scans? How do you not get consumed with waiting? I can’t wait to hear from you!

xoxo,

Joanna

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2 Responses to “Life Redefined: Waiting”

  1. Melissa Travis says:

    WOAH- yah. Scan to scan, test to test- THIS IS HARD!

    I also find waiting for results hard. *hugs*

    How to do it? I SO WISH I had advice. And the reality for me is – one day after the next – same as if you already had the scan. And I’m not even joking. One day after the next. Day to day. *shakes fist at scans* *shakes fist at waiting*

    LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
    xoxo

    Waiting is maddening. Waiting is what we do basically – otherwise known as LIVING.
    xoox
    Melissa

  2. Amy Ross says:

    I love this part, “I’ve also decided that I don’t want to live my life scan to scan. Yes, scans and tests and doctors appointments are going to be part of my life, but I don’t want them to actually BE my life.”

    I have zero answers on how to make the waiting part take a backburner. For me it depends a lot on what kind of a space I’m in mentally. If I’m in a good space mentally I can make the waiting be more of a passive waiting instead of it taking over and feeling like an action, if that makes any sense at all.

    I’m in the same boat, as you know. I’m also supposed to be napping but I wanted to respond. I love your writing, Joanna. Thanks for writing this. I’m so glad we don’t have to wait alone. That is the best part to me. xoxo.

    Love,

    Amy

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