I Am Broken, Can’t You Tell?!
I am a young mother.
Older women have told me, “Wow, what I would give to be 30 again! So much energy!”
I think to myself, “Seriously! It gets worse than this?!?! How does it get worse than this?!?!”
My husband is constantly judging me. “So… What did you DO today?”
Well, I struggled to stay awake. I fought to get through the book I was reading to my son without falling asleep. It was all I could do to get through the day without my 2 1/2 hour nap today. I mustered up all the energy I had to do 3 loads of laundry… Yes, dear, they are all still in baskets in the laundry room… But it’s clean… Does that count? I’m serious… Doesn’t that count?
Dinner… Right, now it’s time for dinner and I have no ingredients for the dinner in mind… What can I invent out of the ingredients in the cupboard?
I was never a lazy person. I was an over achiever. I would always go above and beyond. Now I can’t even get off the ground.
Because of my disease, I feel like a constant failure. I never reach the bar I have set for myself… Let alone the bar my family has set.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t get past the fact that I don’t feel like I am the woman I was meant to be. I feel broken. And my doctor doesn’t even care because my lab LOOKS normal. How is hashimotos normal?
I just can’t accept that this is my normal.
–Written by “B”