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Saturday February 23rd 2019


Hey, You, Got an Answer for me? You In The White Shirt, Anything? Somebody? Anybody? Hello, Can You Hear Me?

Post Published: 27 May 2011
Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 5 responses. Leave a comment

Dear Thyroid,

I can’t believe I am writing a letter to an organ; to be exact, an organ in my body, which will be cut out and analyzed in a week.  Yet here I am.

You have been a part of me for nearly 37 years and I never paid attention to you. I learned what you did via biology classes, of course, but I never understood that you could quietly go seriously haywire and cause all sorts of problems, grow nodules that interfere with swallowing and breathing, cause a sore throat, and who knows what else. I sure have received an education lately, but I am still filled with questions that for 2 years have been unanswered. And I am angry. Angry at doctors and specialists who shuffled me around, stabbing here and there at diagnoses, putting me on medication after medication. I am angry at the loss of income, loss of social life, and loss of sense of self-worth that has resulted from this nightmare. I am tired of being angry.

You’ve been felt up, waved with a magic wand that transferred grainy pictures to a monitor and revealed things that were not supposed to be there, and all the while you kept mum. You kept your secret plans from my blood, causing years of blood tests to come back with smiley faces and sighs of relief. You kept to yourself, morphing into something that is yet to be identified… are you benign? Secretly fighting with my immune system? The reason 40 extra pounds settled on my frame, causing me to gain weight and not fit in my clothes for the first time as an adult? Are you the cause of my fainting spells, heat and cold intolerance, restless legs, aches and pains, peripheral neuropathy, zero energy, and reduced ability to work full-time causing me the agony and demoralization of relying on public assistance? Are you the reason I can no longer hike, go on camping trips, play tennis, go birding, and canoe? Are you to blame for my withdraw from people and life and for my sinking depression?  Or am I just crazy?

I am clinging to hope that your removal will mean I can get my life back. I am putting faith in my excellent surgeon that he will successfully remove you, with no damage to my precious vocal chords that allow me the one joy that has not been taken from my body – my love of singing. I am begging you to not be cancerous, to have left my lymph nodes alone. I am counting on my insurance company to do the right thing and cover treatment and not blacklist me. I can’t wait for you to go so I will be able to breath and swallow easier. I want to practice yoga without falling over. I want to be able to walk a flight of stairs without feeling like my legs are lead and my heart is about to pound out of my chest. I want to feel like me again.

So please, thyroid, cooperate with the doctors and leave quietly. You have caused enough hurt and this needs to stop.


Gillian Tholes

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5 Responses to “Hey, You, Got an Answer for me? You In The White Shirt, Anything? Somebody? Anybody? Hello, Can You Hear Me?”

  1. missy says:

    I understand every word you are saying! And I hope it’s non cancerous too. But in the off chance it is, you will hold your head up and face it head on! I’m not going to lie and say it’s an easy road ahead, or a fast one, because it isn’t. But, after surgery you are on your way to recovering and regaining some control. It’s a bumpy road, and at times frustrating but you have this wonderful community full of people who actually do understand and whom most have walked in the same shoes. I wish you nothing but the best! Please keep us all posted!

  2. Lolly says:

    Good Luck with your surgery and I hope that after post surgery you will be monitered and stablised correctly and that the road to recovery will be smooth and easy.

    I hope that your results come back benign just like mine.


  3. Sally Baker says:

    Wishing you the very best wishes. I had my thyroid removed last september, sadly it was malignant but I am now very well and I am also singing and my scar is almost invisible.

    There is life after this op – good luck and enjoy your recovery and new life!


  4. Hear ya loud and clear! Please know that one day soon you will feel so much more better than you feel right now. It will be possible and know that you are a survivor; look what you have survived thus far! Best wishes on your surgery and recovery.

  5. Candice Dunlap says:

    Wishing you the best, Gillian. I’m in the same boat as you are. I’ll be having my thyroid removed toward the end of the year when FMLA kicks in. Keep us posted, it’s so hard to find positive thyroid stories online! (People love to complain, however..)

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