Hey, You, Got an Answer for me? You In The White Shirt, Anything? Somebody? Anybody? Hello, Can You Hear Me?
I can’t believe I am writing a letter to an organ; to be exact, an organ in my body, which will be cut out and analyzed in a week. Yet here I am.
You have been a part of me for nearly 37 years and I never paid attention to you. I learned what you did via biology classes, of course, but I never understood that you could quietly go seriously haywire and cause all sorts of problems, grow nodules that interfere with swallowing and breathing, cause a sore throat, and who knows what else. I sure have received an education lately, but I am still filled with questions that for 2 years have been unanswered. And I am angry. Angry at doctors and specialists who shuffled me around, stabbing here and there at diagnoses, putting me on medication after medication. I am angry at the loss of income, loss of social life, and loss of sense of self-worth that has resulted from this nightmare. I am tired of being angry.
You’ve been felt up, waved with a magic wand that transferred grainy pictures to a monitor and revealed things that were not supposed to be there, and all the while you kept mum. You kept your secret plans from my blood, causing years of blood tests to come back with smiley faces and sighs of relief. You kept to yourself, morphing into something that is yet to be identified… are you benign? Secretly fighting with my immune system? The reason 40 extra pounds settled on my frame, causing me to gain weight and not fit in my clothes for the first time as an adult? Are you the cause of my fainting spells, heat and cold intolerance, restless legs, aches and pains, peripheral neuropathy, zero energy, and reduced ability to work full-time causing me the agony and demoralization of relying on public assistance? Are you the reason I can no longer hike, go on camping trips, play tennis, go birding, and canoe? Are you to blame for my withdraw from people and life and for my sinking depression? Or am I just crazy?
I am clinging to hope that your removal will mean I can get my life back. I am putting faith in my excellent surgeon that he will successfully remove you, with no damage to my precious vocal chords that allow me the one joy that has not been taken from my body – my love of singing. I am begging you to not be cancerous, to have left my lymph nodes alone. I am counting on my insurance company to do the right thing and cover treatment and not blacklist me. I can’t wait for you to go so I will be able to breath and swallow easier. I want to practice yoga without falling over. I want to be able to walk a flight of stairs without feeling like my legs are lead and my heart is about to pound out of my chest. I want to feel like me again.
So please, thyroid, cooperate with the doctors and leave quietly. You have caused enough hurt and this needs to stop.
Tags: anger at doctors and specialists, being shuffled from medical office to medical office, clinging to hope, clinging to our former selves, desperate to feel better, difficulty breathing, letters written by patients having thyroidectomies, nodules, sore throats, symptoms of thyroid disease, Thyroidectomies, thyroidectomy blog, thyroidectomy forum, thyroidectomy letters written by patients, thyroidectomy support, wondering what a thyroidectomy will do to me